Elul! Episode 3 Coming Through for the Boss!

I'm so pumped about this. Using every day. swirling around the hours and minutes wrapped up in anticipation and love. Being alive and working towards a goal and living life AWAKE. How's it going for you? Please let me know how your Elul is progressing. love, Rivka Malka Read more...

When The Pain Never Ends

This video is from last week's Parsha With Passion episode. Below it is this week's. I'm one week behind on this blog but we're catching up! Sometimes you get hit with one thing after another. You are waiting for a job, your soulmate, a child to come home, your health to improve, a relationship to heal and it feels like you can't wait one more day. Your heart is bursting with pain. This video is for those times. What do you do in those moments when you feel like you can't hold on? And often it's more than one thing. When things are tough it's a barrage of troubles all at once. My friend calls it a Rumble Strip. You know how when you drive on the highway and you start to space out your care suddenly starts shaking as it drives over the rumble strips on the side of the road there to let sleepy drivers know they are getting off course. When troubles mount, don't despair. Your life is not falling apart. Your life is beginning a new chapter. The shaky, bumpy rumble strip will bring you back to your journey only this time withe more clarity and wisdom for the trip ahead. Enjoy this video, made with my full heart and soul and know that you are not alone. https://youtu.be/mc9RDWRlsr4 Bonus: Here is this week's Parsha Video - "Why You Need To Think Big NOW" https://youtu.be/45O8aAye7Ck Read more...

When The Pain Never Ends

Hi Everyone, I hope you had a great week. Last week I forgot to post Sometimes in life you get hit with one thing after another. You are waiting for a job, your soulmate, a child to come home, your health to improve, a relationship to heal and it feels like you can't wait one more day. Your heart is bursting with pain. This video is for those times. What do you do in those moments when you feel like you can't hold on? And often it's more than one thing. When things are tough it's a barrage of troubles all at once. My friend calls it a Rumble Strip. You know how when you drive on the highway and you start to space out your care suddenly starts shaking as it drives over the rumble strips on the side of the road there to let sleepy drivers know they are getting off course. When troubles mount, don't despair. Your life is not falling apart. Your life is beginning a new chapter. The shaky, bumpy rumble strip will bring you back to your journey only this time withe more clarity and wisdom for the trip ahead. Enjoy this video, made with my full heart and soul and know that you are not alone. ( Click Read More to see videos)

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Elul! A Word For the Women!

I love getting together women. Sometimes. Sometimes I can't stand it. Women are so deep, we've got this secret sister language. We have so much in common that's universal and I've heard that just having women together is in itself a holy occasion. On the other hand, sometimes I hate it. That's when we get too heavy. Too serious. It's like we're so connected that we can have a hard time breaking away from the search for truth in order to enjoy a deeper truth - that fun and laughter nourish the soul. There I go agian! Getting deep! I should have just written FUN IS GOOD. FUN IS HEALTHY. The truth is that we women, religious and not religious are all spiritual beings. We all have a wellspring of yearning and goodness inside of us. And as often happens, our strength is also our area of challenge. We can tap into the yearning so much that we forget who we already are. We are wonderful, beautiful creatures of compassion and light and goodness. Have a wonderful Day 4 of Elul. You're doing so great! This is not about perfection. Not even close to perfection. Read more...

Elul! Day 5! Self Discipline for Lazy People

Vagabond Steve is like a good kick in the pants! Good, because he doesn't really hurt but he sure gets you moving! I wouldn't usually put up such a long video, so I listened to the whole thing before I posted it. I would suggest listening to just ten minutes, and if you really want to, hear the rest (15 more minutes) another time. But in the first ten minutes he says so much - it's really enough to get you going. Think , as you listen where this applies in your life. Try to break down what he's saying into examples that matter to you. A lot of what he said made me think about my friends who are making proactive choices to being more Jewish observance into their life. These are really great tips! Read more...

It's Erev Shabbos!

It's Friday, also known as Erev Shabbos. The whole day is spent preparing for the Shabbos Queen, for the Shabbos Rest. LeeAnn, a reader, asked me about Shabbos prep today . How do we do it? Don't the salads wilt? What's the system? Like everything else, how you prepare for Shabbos largely depends on your personality and life circumstance. Back in the day, when I was first married, I had no clue how to cook, barely a clue how to shop but I did know how to host. My first challos were meteors; solid rocks packed with sugar, blackened on the bottom from an oven that malfunctioned. My first potato souflee was raw and doughy and was poked at politely by many forks. But my first Shabbos table, where I served all that, it was full of guests. It really was a monumental task. After that first week, and staying up all Thursday night till the sun rose to clean up, I started to realize that I couldn't just wing it - I had to learn how to do it. So despite my employee's snickers when I told them that  I needed to be paid on Tuesday so that I could shop for Shabbos, I began to do my Shabbos preps midweek. I would shop on Tuesday and cook on Wednesday and Thursday. My husband and I had a goal. Our goal was that our Erev Shabbos would be serene. That all work would be done by Thursday night, right down to the napkins on the table.  On Friday, when other families were rushing around, we would be reading stories to our children. That lasted for about four years. As our family grew and our daily responsibilities grew, it became harder and harder to actualize. Fast forward seventeen years - what does our Erev Shabbos look like now? How do we, and so many thousands of others host large meals week after week and have it all done before sundown? The first thing you need to know is that its supernatural. Any Jewish woman will tell you this. When the sunsets at 7, you're  ready by 7. And when the sun sets at 4 in the winter, somehow you're ready at 4 though you'd think that it was impossible. The absolute firmness of the Shabbos deadline propels you into action in a way that nothing else can. Once the sun sets, there's no going back. The lights stay as they are. The oven stays as is it. The phone sits in the cradle. And hopefully you, are sitting in a rocking chair, enjoying. How does it work? It's different for everyone. In my house, we're in a lifespace where both of us are working and our kids are teenagers. There are no empty spaces during the day and many of kids need our attention at night. Because of this, almost all of our Shabbos prep is done on Friday afternoon. And I love it. Friday, is a day that's focused, exhilarating, uncomplicated, family oriented, chock full of mitzvos and bustling with action! I never thought I'd say that. I thought either it's perfectly serene or you are in chaos. But that's not true. There's a happy busy-ness that comes with working for a mitzvah that doesn't need to be chaotic at all. But it IS busy. The kids all know, it's Erev Shabbos, that means they need to come and ask me "Mommy, how can I help?" Because they work so hard, I'm very careful to give them a nice lunch.  [Nice lunch=something they enjoy, not something fancy. They almost always have cereal or pizza bagels.] They typically come home from school early on Friday, sit down to eat and decompress and then get to work. We cook together in the kitchen; chicken, rice, soup, salads, kugels (Jewish casseroles) desserts, challos and dips. We also make a few potato kugels for kids and guests to eat as Shabbos comes closer and they're hungry again. It's not Candyland and there is sometimes stress, but it is wonderful. We sing, we talk, we laugh. Sometimes the kids will turn on music in the background.I give a million orders and we settle in to our comfortable, though hurried pace. At around 5:00, my husband comes home. He makes the cholent before he even sits down. The kids love when he's in the kitchen and truthfully, everything is more chilled when he's around. They catch him up on everything that happened and generally soak up his presence. If I need help, he helps me, otherwise he goes to sit down and learn Torah and prepare for Shabbos. Because I cook on Friday, keeping food fresh is not an issue. I just cook it and put it in the warming drawer where it will sit until I serve it. Salads (that was what LeeAnn asked me about) I simply won't dress until right before the meal. Also, we often make salads on Shabbos because no cooking is involved. Last year I had an era where I really felt that things were spinning out of control. I was too last minute and the busy-ness did become chaos. and chaos brings tension which is just bad. At that point I joined the Chatzos Group. An online Group of 600 women who work on  bringing more honor to Shabbos by having everything ready by mid-day. The goal there is not perfection, but to glorify Shabbos, the way the Torah describes by working towards it every day and being calm as you enter it. I learned so much from these women.And though I don't have that as my priority now, I'm in awe of the growth and holiness that's brought about by this effort. I still get the Chatzos emails and I get inspiration from these women who are aiming so high. As the day winds down and Shabbos approaches our schedule is replete with rituals. Each kid comes down freshly bathed, and dressed and they get a "Shabbos treat."Usually some chocolate. The potato kugel come s out of the oven, and as the guests arrive, the kids offer them a piece. Then they relax on the couch, often with a Jewish book as they're making the transition from weekday living to Shabbos living. My girls often make welcome signs for the guests, or sometimes I do. Our walls look like a kindergarten classroom "Welcome Matt!" "We're so glad you're here Jen!" "Yay! Joan is here!" It's silly, but I love it. There's just something about knowing you were expected... We don't always make them, but most weeks we try to. Another special pre-Shabbos ritual are notes. Many weeks, I'll write a note to my husband or him to me, thanking him for the week or just an I love you. I'll sometimes also write a note to a kid who's worked particularly hard or who needs a little encouragement or praise. I'll slip it to them just before or after candlelighting when there's enough tranquility in the house that they can feel the words. It' s a long day, and it has it's rhythm and even though I love it, it's just the gift wrap of an even greater gift, Shabbos. Sometimes, on a Friday night, when we're really tired, sitting at the table, my husband and I will turn to each other  and say "A meal like this is what the rest of the world  frets about all Thanksgiving season long. And us, we do it every week, no wonder we're tired! I'm wishing you all a wonderful Friday. And though it may be busy,may it also be filled with joy and gratitude. We each have our personal goals and I know that we're working very hard on them.  But Shabbos brings an added dimension. May your day be filled with patience for yourself and for others.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 Here are couple of recipes you may want to try. Potato Kugel 6 large potatoes (or 8 medium) 1 large onion 5 eggs 2/3 cup oil 2 tsp salt 1/2 tsp pepper Grind the potatoes and onions in the food processor. (We like it fully ground, but another option is to grate them) Mix with the other ingredients Taste for salt ( just give a little lick) Because potatoes come in so many different sizes, you may need a little more or less. The general rule is that it should be a little more on the salty side b/c the potatoes soak up the flavor. pour into a 9x13 GREASED pan and bake for an hour or more at 400 until brown                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                My Sisters Favorite Chicken  - Easy! One 16 oz can of tomato sauce  One jar or hot banana peppers with the juice Poured over a large pan of chicken thighs Cover tightly and bakeat 375  until soft. Yum!       Read more...

Get 20% More Popular in 15 Minutes!

You're going to have to trust me on this. Go get some flour, some oil, eggs and sugar. Got it? Okay, now this is going to be way easier than you ever thought. Want to make someone really happy? Follow these instructions. Want your kids to think you're the greatest - just do as I say. Guys - this is for you too! Want to make that girl you have your eye on sit up and take notice - its easy! But really, I'm serious! Mix them up like this 2 cups flour 2 cups water 4 tsp baking powder, 1/2 c sugar 2 1/2 TBS oil and 2 eggs Ta Da! Pancakes! You may think I'm joking or over exaggerating - and I'm not even going to extol the virtues of pancakes except to say this. Wouldn't you feel great if someone cooked a warm meal  just for you? Random acts of kindness are cool - but deliberate acts of kindness are even better. Just imagine the look on your friend's face when you show up at her door with a stack of hot pancakes. Or how about your pickiest kid - who argues with you over every bite of chicken. "Sweetie - tonight its pancakes, just for you!" In a time when we seek to add to our acts of loving-kindness, giving this little gift to a loved one (or even better - to someone you can't stand - how's that for making shalom!) is so simple but trust me - its magic! So today, on the 8th day of Elul, it's all about action. Make pancakes! Really. Really make pancakes! Feed someone! Show your love. I did! [Instructions - Fry pancakes on a medium flame and flip when you see lots of air bubbles. you can make these with milk or soy milk. I know its not much by way of nutrition but I use water because then they're lighter]          Read more...

Tichels for Weddings!

    I feel a little silly putting this up because its not my prettiest tichel and also because its in a bathroom! I'm trying to answer that question that I get all the time about tichels for weddings. Really folks, it's YOU who's beautiful. The tichel just lets that shine through. Add some sparkle, a ribbon or flower and that's all you need. I'm really looking forward to selling a nice collection of those sparkly additions in my upcoming store! Read more...

Elul! Episode 10 - Back to School

  School is almost here. And we wonder sometimes, "How can we do it all?" How can we prepare for the High Holidays, buy all the school supplies, get the kid's school clothes organized and be spiritually ready for Rosh Hashana. It seems so daunting. I know, I'm running around, making lists and doing errands and generally feeling like there are more things to do then fit in the day. Even if you're not in school; autumn is coming and the spirit  of transition is in the air. And I realized, just today, that all is as it should be. This order, this timing, is exactly perfect. I may want to be in a freeze frame - free from responsibilities, to learn and read and meditate and grow. But that's not what I need. Real life is where the growth is. Waking up every day, this month and every month and infusing all our actions with kindness and purpose. School starts in a week for my kids and when I saw this video, I remembered teachers. Teachers don't just show up and teach, they've been preparing all during the summer for thier class, tlka bout dedication! Teachers are so incredible, what action can I take to show my appreciation this Elul?

Who else in your life can use a note or a call?

  Read more...

Elul Day 12 - Imperfect is the New Perfect

It's only because you're my good friends that I can put up a post that is just ... a post. Once a while ago I went to  a birthday party and the woman who's birthday it was gave me a blessing; "May you be able to bring together your ruchinius and your gashmius." Meaning your spirituality and your physicality. On a person's birthday their energy is particularly strong and so I thought to myself, "this must be a tailor made blessing and she sees that I'm really deficient in this area. Which was pretty bad, because I had no idea what she even meant!" When I was making this video today, her words came back to me and I understood what she meant. It's all from Hashem, every little test and annoyance; every  dish and sock, every meeting and Doctor's appointment. Every bad hair day and stomache ache and every birthday party and every good bye. Like my sister Tova says, "Life is really lifey!" We've got to just give ourselves a little shake every once in a while and remind oursleves of reality. We're being cared for by our loving Creator. He's by our side every second and He's looking out for us. And we're not in a contest. Life is a colorful, adventurous, heart tugging, exhausting, exhilerating, confusing,  amusing drama. And every bit of it is delicious. We've just got to connect the dots. Nothing just is. Everything is an opportunity. The thing is, we spend alot of effort trying to get it right. trying to get it all done. And trying to be perfect. Ok, we may say "I'm not perfect." But deep in our hearts we may want to be. My  motto: Imperfect is the new perfect."       Read more...

Why do Religious Guys Wear Black and White?

Today I have three very different stories to tell you. One about my husband, one about my son and one about the neighbors. In Orthodox jewish circles, it's pretty common that when a boy goes into ninth grade, he doesn't just go into high school, he starts Yeshiva. Yeshiva is a place where your whole day is dedicated towards learning Torah and spiritual growth. They still learn math, english, science and social studies, only later in the afternoon. It's a wonderful place - if it's a good fit for your kid. The Rabbis develop warm and caring relationships with the boys and welcome them into their lives. And its a holy place, where Torah is learned with as much enthusiasm as the basketball game that comes after it. There's lots more to say on Yeshiva and if you're curious, just ask, but actually this is just an introduction to an oddly large topic - A white shirt. Now this is not a topic in every Orthodox circle. Especially in Israel, where everyone is more casual, you'll find more color, but it is a topic in many places. In those institutions, wearing a white or light shirt and wearing dark pants is a the firm dress code. It's deeper than a dress code, really, because it's not like you take it off when you go home. Being a yeshiva student is being a Yeshiva student, not just attending Yeshiva. And so, the white/black outfit becomes the symbol for your identity. One of the benifits of  wearing black/white every day is that it frees the kids up from fashion and competition. Not unlike nuns or monks. Getting dressed no longer is a big deal, or even a deal at all. The other reason is to wear dignified, special clothes as befits a Torah scholar. Just like you'd want your lawyer to show up in a suit. It lends prestige. It seems a strange thing that such a superficial expression has taken such strong hold. Nowhere is it written in the Torah "thou shalt wear black and white." And I think that  there's a danger if we put too much attention on it. Focusing on things that are not absolute truth makes us lose our sense of balance and priorities. Parents can freak out if their kids change their dress a little and it can really turn them off from real spirituality. And conversely, kids can continue to look very religious hiding real questions of faith. On the other hand, its a uniform, a statement of identity. It's an expression of comittment and seriousness about Torah. I find it fascinating how it evokes such reactions in people, including myself, "Oh, I just love those fine yeshiva bochurim! They came and shoveled my snow in those white shirts of theirs!" Or, "Why must they always wear black and white? Don't they ever think for themselves?" I offer you these stories here as a mini montage and to shed a little light on the topic. Something to think about. Story Number One Once upon a time, my husband, Bezalel was a Yeshiva bochur (yiddish for guy). He went first to Yehiva in Baltimore and post high school, he went to Israel for a few more years of study. All that time he wore dark dress pants and a light, (though not always white) shirt. When he went to another Yeshiva, an institute of even more intense study, he began, by the advice of his Rabbi, to wear a white shirt every day. Years passed, we got married, lived in Israel for 4 1/2 years, came back to America and one day my husband shook his head."Why do I still wear a white shirt? I'm not a yeshiva guy anymore and I like color. It seems like a simple thing, but it wasn't. It turns out that though he felt grateful for his years of intense learning, he was disappointed that he was not led to a specific profession and he felt like the system let him down. (although he did get a degree from his years in Yeshiva.) He no longer identified as a Yeshiva guy. He established for himself what he felt was a healthier identity (for him) a Ben Torah. Someone who strives every day to live a Torah life and who is honest, upright and kind. Off came the white shirts, and on went a new era. An era where he would take everything he learned and synthesize it so that it could work in the world outside of Yeshiva walls and for his personality. I can't even begin to describe to you what that first shopping trip was like. Or the first time he appeared at the breakfast table in his checkered shirt. He was breaking new ground. He could have come to this place independent of a wardrobe change. He could have kept on the white shirt, as many do, and that would have been fine for some. But not for him. Now he dresses like a Ben Torah, a person of dignity. You'll find him in jeans if he's working in the yard or on a family trip, but otherwise, he's polished and pressed every day. The above story is an abbreviation of a deep struggle and process and finding your truth in an imperfect world. And the shirt was the symbol. Story Number Two A little while ago, a car pulled up in front of my house. Four teenagers got out. She, with a colorful wig, he with long hair, and 2 more in jeans and torn tank tops. The wigged girl began kissing the guy and the other guy pulled out a cigarette. My kids called me over and I went to say hi to them. After we said hello etc. I welcomed them and told them that my kids were around and if they could not do the kissing right by my yard that would be better. They understood.  Then we brought them out a mini dinner of meatballs and some cold drinks. These kids were Jewish kids who grew up in religious homes and for various reasons left observance. I felt that their hanging out in such a central location was a subconscious test. "Will people judge us and be horrible to us and give us a further reason to leave Judasim?" Their torn jeans and mini skirt  were a way of saying something much deeper. "I don't subscribe to that system anymore. This is who I am." Some of these boys had most likely worn white/black at some point in their lives. I don't think this is actually who they are but they're struggling trying to figure it out. And there's a good chance that somewhere along their journey, if they go back to school,  clean up their act, and get inspired, they'll make dress choices that are different. The above story is an abbreviation of a deep struggle and process and finding your truth in an imperfect world. And the clothes were the symbol. Story Number Three.  My son, Mortzy,  is a gymnast and an athlete. He took karate for years. He does push ups and chins ups for fun. He organizes hiking trips and camping  overnights. He breakdances.This boy does not wear dress pants! Even regular clothes have never  really worked for him. We bought  him cotton pants for school but what he really wanted to wear was nylon shorts. It was just a a few days ago when we went shopping for Yeshiva. The student handbook outlined what he needed and he had exactly nothing from the list in his wardrobe. When I showed up at the store, owned by a religious guy, and he starts pulling out pants from the rack, I stared at him incredulously. "What? This is what they wear? No way! How can he play basket ball in those? He's totally active?! And the shirts! Don't you have any more with color on them?" Mortzy told the owner," I really don't want to wear white shirts every day. Can you please give me some with designs on them?" We left the store, buying black pants, white shirts, black  shoes and bringing new meaning to the term fancy pants. I thought it was ridiculous. Then he tried it on. Black pants, white shirt. Neat and crisp. Black socks and shoes, elegant and dressed. At first I was confused, but there was no denying it. He felt great. The kid stood taller! It's been a few days and he's completely transformed. He's reached a new level of maturity and responsibility. That night I picked him up from school and I watched all the boys streaming from the building. Almost every one of them in their dress clothes and I saw before me a generation of gentlemen; Boys who spend their days looking at holy books instead of looking at girls (yes, that's universal!) and kids who are taught that their holding the torch of Judaism is not a casual thing.                                                                                                                                                                            So what does it all mean? Are white shirts just another way to conform? I know grown men, not in Yeshiva (many thousands) who only wear white shirts. They're not conforming -  to them it says."Torah study is my priority." And I know guys who grew in observance, like the guys in the video and for them, the white shirt is a badge of honor. It's something they arrive at that's a new self-definition. On the other hand it's just a shirt, you don't get a first class ticket to Heaven for wearing it. It's a little thing, a white shirt, but like I said, an oddly huge topic. 3 stories, what do you think?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         PS video posted above because those Yeshiva guys dance like my son in his white shirt! Read more...

Tipping the Scales

How much would you pay for one last piece of evidence to be submitted to your trial, that confirms your innocence? Did you ever think about how each action you take is evidence for or against your character? Read more...

Elul - Shake Out Your Pants

  I was 16, working in a sleep away camp in England when I began to collect. I had gotten a horrible call from my sister that a friend of mine's parents just split up. It turned out that her father was physically abusive and controlling and that her mother finally left him.  She told me that they needed money. With the chutzpah of a teenager, I made my rounds asking people for money. Being in the countryside meant that no one carried too much money with them. But one woman, a staff member,  who I asked, taught me a lesson I'll never forget. The camp took place in a boarding school that was empty for the summer. It was fascinating just being there. The staff slept at the end of the long hallway. I knocked on the doors and it was opened by an gracious English woman.  She welcomed me into her little bedroom. I told her that I was collecting tzedakah for a family in need. She said "Sure!" And she handed me a styrofoam cup half filled with coins. I remember being really surprised. "Isn't this money for a specific purpose? [note - Torah law - If you set aside money for a specific charity, you can't just casually switch it. Even if you just state or have a conscious thought that you'll give tzedaka, you must follow through on it.] She said "No, it's just Tzedkah. We're taught that we must give tzedakah every day." I took the cup, left the room, and emptied it's contents. I can't explain what I felt. My gears were turning. It was such an eye opening lesson! I grew up on giving. My parents live and breathe to do for others, but I always thought that you gave because people are in need. This woman taught me that you give because you need to be a giver. You give because that's called being divine. Even before you know who's recieving it, you give in your little bedroom, at the end of a long hallway, in a styrofoam cup in the English countryside. True story. This took place in Israel. A man came to visit an older woman and he saw that her bread was covered with plastic. Her books too, were covered. Everywhere he looked there were plastic tablecloths. He asked her why. She said "Because my roof is very leaky and I need to protect my stuff." The man reached into his pocket, "Here, I'm writing you a check so that you can get your roof fixed. She smiled and said "No thank you, it's geshmai bracha (rains of blessing. )" She was content. The man tried to persuade her but then gave up and left the house. Not a minute passed when she called out "Wait! I'll take the check!" "Why?" "I"ve been davening (praying) at the Kosel (Western Wall) every day for years and it pains me so that I don't have any money to give to the poor who collect there. This would give me a chance to give." Now that's called knowing the value of money! In Israel when we lived there they used to do a wonderful thing. Every couple of weeks, kids would come around with a basket for food donations. We would go in our cabinets and take out a couple of cans or bags of flour." This, they would distribute to the poor. And its' a fascinating thing how we were willing to give so much more in foodstffs then in actual money. Rabbitzen Heller explains that it's so much harder to give money because money represents potential. And we hate to part with that. When we give a jar of pickels that's all it will ever be. But when we give ten dollars it could have been anything. In some weird way, we think it could have improved our life. I want to take that concept one step further, or rather inverse it. When you buy a jar of pickles that's all it will ever be, but when you give tzedkah, the possibilites are endless, the reward is eternal. you attach yourself to the highest source and you actualize yourself as a human being. In Elul we're taught  "Repentance, prayer and charity reverse the bad decree." A good place to start is with daily giving. Get your own styrofoam cup. Make it a habit. If you want to give Tzedakah this minute, Click HERE and scroll down to press DONATE.  I'm collecting for a needy family who has been living through two years of unemployment. It would be great to get them through the holidays. Afterwards, click HERE to realize how amazing what you've just done is! all the best, Rivka Malka   Read more...

Why Didn't I Take a More Critical Approach?

  Did you get what I meant in this video about not taking a hard line? Everyone loves a guy with a big opinion. We read hot headed blogs like there's no tomorrow. And we love that someone has the guts to say what we've been thinking all along. But when it comes to spirituality, it's different. The topics we talk about here are much more subtle and have deep ramifications. I can't spew and criticize.   I mean, like my friend Rachel says. "who knows who's closer and who's further? We can't judge from appearances. And if this goes for the guy who is not wearing a yarmulka but truly is very spiritual, it most certainly goes for the religious guy who you think looks repressed. Maybe he's not. Maybe its an expression that he likes. But alas, nothing is perfect. Joe Good Guy, can he really be as spiritual as he could potentially be if he doesn't observe the Torah's mitzvos? And the religious guy, can he really be as true to himself as he needs to be if he's comfortable with that much conformity? But I've found, that consistently we are most critical of religious people. If they act out in any way, we feel ripped off, up in arms; "You faker!" It's a big responsibility wearing one of these things on your head. People have expectations, as they should! But folks, lets give other folks a break. We're all only human. We make mistakes, we struggle with the same things that everyone else does. The only difference is that we're willing to make the committment and say. "I may not be perfect but I'm going to set out to take the high road. " The problem is, that when we don't live with Hashem, we live with fear. To live with Hashem means to trust  in the greatness of every human being.  When we live with fear, instead of belief, we end up making rules, upon rules, upon rules, creating a sub culture that has nothing to do with truth.         Read more...

Who is The Me I Want To Be- Sharing a night at WOW!

  I'm so sorry that I haven't posted. My 30 day challenge is apparently a challenge for me too!                                                                                                            Last night was the first session of WOW! In case you're not familiar with it, WOW! is a program that I direct that is geared for Young Jewish Professionals. We come together, those with less formal Jewish education, those with more; those who carry their Jewish identity as a second skin and those who are unwrapping its new-found treasure. I love it there. In a fractured world, it's a haven of unity and inspiration. We're taught that ; when you pray, you're speaking to G-d, when you learn Torah, that's G-d speaking to you." So there you have a whole room full of people who G-d is talking to! And it surprises them. It surprises even me, how when you learn Torah, you are peaceful but exhilarated. Things just resonate. Everything else fades away. My partner is Renee, who I met, some would say randomly, but if you see us together, you would say. "How could these two not meet?! So we were learning together, literally sharing moments of ecstasy, and I'd like to share with you some of what we learned here so that you too can eat these delicious words for dinner! Although I can recap, the book we were studying which is one of my favorite, The G-d Powered Life by David Aaron is so perfectly written, that I'm going to copy down every word of this excerpt for you. (Thank you Hadassa for doing so much of the typing!) Kabbalah, which this book is based on, is  the secrets of the mechanisms of the spiritual world. Kabbalah knowledge is universal truth. Read slowly and let the truth give you wings to fly.                                                                      (Photo is of Renee)                                                                                                           

The Me I Want To Be

At first glance this phrase seems ridiculous. Who is the ME I want to be? How could I not be me? And if I am not me, which seems kind of crazy, than why am I not me? Who is the Me that I am and what is holding me back from being the Me that I want to be? Only a human being struggles with a question like that animals for sure don't. Animals are just exactly who they are. They never regret who they are, and they have no aspirations to be other than who they already are. Have you ever seen a dog trying to be a cat? Or  a cat looking at a dog with envy because the dog can bark and he can't? Unique to the human mind there exists a possible conflict between who I am and who I could be or should be. We sense a distinction between our self and our character. This duality can create tremendous stress and even much psychic pain in our lives. However, to hold us back from becoming the me we want to be, we must clarify the difference between the Self and the Me. Let's start with understanding the self. Did you ever play a kind of mind game as a child and ask yourself: "Who would I have been if my mother had married another man?" If you have asked yourself this question, it is because on some deep intuitive level you sensed you could have been somebody else. You sensed that your inner self would be the same you, but it would be playing a different character. you sensed that there is a Self that stands independent of a particular Me. You sensed that the Self is immutable, but the particular character, the Me is not     In a sweet little book called, Children's Letters to God, I found a letter that was particularly humorous: "Dear God, If after death you send me back, please don't send me back as Jennifer Horton. Because I hate her guts." Now how does a child intuit that she could come back and play another character? In Kabbalah, there is much discussion about reincarnation and how we may return in numerous times to this world playing a different character in each life. Each of us may have been on Earth in an earlier lifetime, playing a different Me - a different character. For instance, the Kabbalah teaches that the soul that played Abel, who was killed by his brother Cain, returned in a later life to play the character Noah, and then returned again to play Moses. It works a bit like casting roles in a play. An actor, who has been scripted to play a death scene, gives himself over completely to the part and dies in the most convincing way on stage. But he gets up when the curtain closes and lives to embrace a new role in a new show. Shakespeare was not far off when he wrote: "All the world is a stage and all the men and women merely players." You and I are like actors and when we come into this world, we are given a part to play. But don't confuse the Self (the soul) with the Me (the character) , the part you play. I know that I am playing a role, a character who is a Rabbi, who lives in Jerusalem, who is married, who has seven children and four grandchildren, and so forth. I know the Me who is this character. (RABBI DAVID AARON - the author) But there is an aspect of who I am - my Self - that transcends this character. When I describe Me, I am describing my persona, my character, but I am not describing my Self. I have a role to play, but I am not that role, I am not that character. The legendary actor Kirk Douglas shared with me a story that clearly illustrates this kind of confusion. Kirk was known for playing the tough guy, the macho man, the cowboy, and so forth. Looking for a challenge, he decided to play the struggling, sensitive artist Vincent Van Gogh in a movie called Lust for Life. This part was for out of character for Kirk at that time in his acting career.   When the news broke, he immediately got a call from his old acting buddy John Wayne: "Kirk, what's this I'm hearing about you? What's a cowboy like you doing with a sissy part like Van Gogh?" Surprised by the comment, Kirk responded, "John, I've got news for you - we are not cowboys, we're actors." When we remember that we, too,  are like actors then each and every one of us has the power to be the Me we truly want to be. To try to keep this straight, Lets define our terms:

• There is the Me, which is ego consciousness. It is the character we play, and it includes our physiological clothing - such as our thoughts and feelings -  and the physical sensations of our body. The fabric of our character is woven out of our thinking, speaking, and behavioral patterns.
•                                                  
• Then there is the Self, that is, the soul - a ray of God so to speak. This is the conscious self, the knower, the actor who plays the character. We will discuss later how, in fact, this self has two competing aspects that long to be integrated. One aspect - we'll call it the creative self - works through the character, utilizing its strengths and weaknesses, and seeks to advance forward to fulfill its creative mission on Earth. The second aspect - we'll call it the sacred self -  yearns to retreat inward to experience its eternal connection to its divine source.
•                                                 
• And then there is the "I," who is the Great I, the Ultimate Self, the Soul of souls - God. Of course, when we say, "I am," it is not God, the Great I, speaking. It might just be the Self, or the soul, (a ray of the Great I) speaking but most often it is just Me, the ego.

The question is what type of Me is worth wanting to be. The Me we want to be is a Me that enables our Self to shine out as an expression of the Great I.     Read more...

How To Make Pesto, Olive Dip, Date Truffles and Potato Kugel in One Shot

Make 4 Shabbos dishes while hanging out with me and Hudy Abrams! Recipes below! In this video you'll hear about a bunch of cool links - I'm posting them here for you. My friend Avivah's blog - http://avivahwerner.com/ Hudy's Channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UClISfWViAO1yEkpIYdekV7A MUST LISTEN - The original post on FORGIVENESS that brought us together. http://rivkamalka.com/forgiveness/   https://youtu.be/OCxYhHTSH3o     Recipes - The recipes here don't have specific proportions so go crazy and get creative!! Date Truffles - Dates, Pecan Meal ( or other ground nuts), Cocoa, Coconut Oil, Water Grind, roll in balls and freeze ( serve frozen) Olive Pate - Green Olives, Sun Dried Tomatoes, Chickpeas. ( add a little salt and cayenne pepper). Potato Kugel - 5 Medium Potatoes, 1 Large Onion, 1/2 cup Oil, 4 Eggs. Pesto - Cilantro, Slivered Almonds, 1 Garlic, Olive Oil Have a great Shabbos! Read more...

How To Make Pesto, Olive Dip, Date Truffles and Potato Kugel in One Shot

Hi Everyone! Happy  Erev Shabbos, This week I have a treat for you. Drumroll....!!!! Its HUDY ABRAMS!!!! And it's a food processor cook - a - thon! Hudy and I met online ( you'll find out how in the video) and this is our second time meeting in person. What I love about Hudy is her depth and clarity and integrity. She reminds me of clean clear water, refreshing and nourishing. She's also super cool being a Jewish leader and teacher out in Dallas, Texas. The best thing about cooking with her was the company. Don't you sometimes wish for the old days when housewives would share daily chores. I could do without the chores part, but the sharing I love! Today we pulled out the food processor and made a whole bunch of things that round out the Shabbos meal. Last week we did the basics ( fish, soup etc) This week we're going for dips and sides. Thanks for hanging out with us. This is not a cooking show - our olive dip came out pretty bad ( don't worry we'll fix it!)  but who cares? This is  a "lets get ready for Shabbos together because this is real life and we love it - show! PS Don't forget to look at the links that I posted above the video in the post - you'll love those resources. PPS. In case you missed it, here's this week's Parsha talk about "How to Get Rid of Defensiveness in Your Marriage." PPS Come and join our cooking by clicking here!!      

from RivkaMalka.comRivkaMalka.com http://ift.tt/213tkI1

How to Get Rid Of Being Defensive

You know how you finally get things done when you have deadline? Me too! Thanks to The Torah Anytime class I now have a bit of a blogging schedule! Woo Hoo! The beginning of the week is still up in the air but Thursday  you should be getting a Parsha class from me ( which right now is focused on marriage) in your inbox - every week! Also , thanks to the crazy amount of feedback from lats week totally unprepared video I'm going to try to join you in my Shabbos Prep as much as possible - so when all goes smoothly you should be getting a Shabbos video on Friday afternoon - it will be a fun unofficial one. You can check it out tomorrow. In the meantime, enjoy this video How to NOT be defensive ( tried and tested tools, let me tell ya!). If you can't see it through YouTube, just click on the TorahAnytime link here.  ( Feel free to subscribe there and they'll sent you an email each time I upload a class) See you tomorrow! Love, Rivka Malka   Read more...

How to Get Rid Of Being Defensive

You know how you finally get things done when you have deadline? Me too! Thanks to The Torah Anytime class I now have a bit of a blogging schedule! Woo Hoo! The beginning of the week is still up in the air but Thursday  you should be getting a Parsha class from me ( which right now is focused on marriage) in your inbox - every week! Also , thanks to the crazy amount of feedback from lats week totally unprepared video I'm going to try to join you in my Shabbos Prep as much as possible - so when all goes smoothly you should be getting a Shabbos video on Friday afternoon - it will be a fun unofficial one. You can check it out tomorrow. In the meantime, enjoy this video How to NOT be defensive ( tried and tested tools, let me tell ya!). If you can't see it through YouTube, just click on the TorahAnytime link here.  ( Feel free to subscribe there and they'll sent you an email each time I upload a class) See you tomorrow! Love, Rivka Malka https://youtu.be/RZdubA8uHMk

from RivkaMalka.comRivkaMalka.com http://ift.tt/1SD8RF7

A Tichel Pin, A Girl With Strep and Walking Fearlessly Through Life

    (Actual FB message from Andrea) We just stopped by and brought her some stuff that will hopefully make the sickness a bit easier.  The rash she has looks like something that is common for Israeli children... the english word is german measles... but I'm not sure if that's what she actually has.  My husband is under the impression that it's fairly common here in Israel (like chicken pox) and she just needs antibiotics which hopefully the doctor will give her tomorrow.  However, if it's an allergic reaction to the strep medication they have given her, hopefully she can get that taken care of as well. But she looks good, smiling (she's so beautiful and looks so much like you!), and on her feet.  I'm glad I got to meet her, even though the circumstances weren't ideal.  I told her to give me a call if anything gets worse and to let me know what the doctor says tomorrow. Kol tuv ♥                                                                                 Our world is colored by the lenses we wear. On Rosh Hashana we pray that the fear and dread of G-d be upon all his creations." It sounds pretty intense, maybe even unrelatable, until you realize that the things we fear are the basis for our decisions. An inner city kid may fear losing status and acceptance and so he'll steal, even though he doesn't want to. Another guy wants to steal and has no compunction about it, but he doesn't because he fears getting caught. One woman is overprotective because she fears her children's safety, the other is permissive because she fears if her children don't experience their mistakes, they won't learn. One guy dates many women because he fears he may miss out on the best one, another guy is choosy because he fears he'll be wasting his time with bland dates. To pray on Rosh Hashana, that we're filled with the fear of Heaven is to ask for a new pair of glasses. A pair of glasses that lets us see things clearly. Why hide from shadows when there's real danger around another corner? Our WOW! friend Chad is someone who knows what to be scared of. When he learned that the Torah is scrupulous about not eating bugs, he began ordering his salads without broccoli  and other vegis' that have insects hiding in them. (In kosher restaurants, they wash them  with pressure and check them.) Then he learned, that lettuce too, if not checked, most likely also has little bugs on it. So he was describing to us the scene with his co workers. he used to look a little strange because he only ordered salad - in a non kosher restaurant. Then he started to say, "I'll have a salad without the broccoli etc." They thought he was a little weird. But then came the day when he said, I'll have a salad without the lettuce." Hu? Crazy guy!! But he wasn't scared, not of looking dumb and not of being embarrassed. he was only scared of not doing the right thing. Read more...