Jewish Judgmentalism

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Hurricane Sandy

  I never know who I write for. This readership is so diverse. It can be challenging sometimes putting out my  authentic voice and not tailor making it for one audience or another. But not today. Today, with  the wind blowing at my windowpane and the rain coming down in torrents - today for just a moment, we all seem more alike than ever. I wondered today, as I played with my kids, what other people were doing. Was it wonderful having a day off of work? If you live alone, was it lonely or just cozy? And I wondered how can I , and others be enjoying parts of this day when a storm is clearly coming. Shouldn't we be paralyzed with fear? It seems strange. There's an adage that I live by, "In every blessing there is a challenge and in every challenge, there's a blessing."  A hurricane is a challenge, no doubt, and the loss  and damage is going to be tremendous, but there's a blessing here too. Today, we didn't run around trying to accomplish more than we possibly could. Today, we stayed home and kept our own company. Today, we slowed down, drank tea, spoke softer, laughed more and lived. This is our gift. We need it. We need to not be able to go anywhere. Half the world is suffering from starvation and we, in America struggle to stop eating. Most of the world's population has no  cars and we have too many places to go. In truth, we live in Backward's Land. A place where we have so much that we're tripping on it and  for all our plenty, we miss out on the basics. How do we know the difference between needs and wants? We learn that everything that we need, G-d made in abundance ; water.air, trees. And beyond that,  laughter, love, a deep breath. They need no tools; no instrument is required to belt out a song. On days where no storm is brewing ; where instead 6 projects, 2 appointments and dinner, are brewing; we forget what we need. But  today we remember. We're not machines. We're not programmed to perform at peak productivity every minute of the day. We're human. We have a deep need to connect, to recharge, to think, to be creative. This is just one of today's blessings, remembering wholeness - a much slower, sweeter pace. The storm will get worse, in some places it already has. But if it hasn't hit you hard, and if you still have electricity, how about using this slow sweet time to awaken your heart and soul? Play with your children, read a great book or go to simpletoremember.com  and get answers to Jewish questions you never knew you could ask.  Feed your soul with something brand new and delicious. all the best, Rivka Malka             Read more...

Why I Have Stopped Shopping For New Clothes

  This is about  how we look at fashion and how it has ceased to make sense to me and how I am so done with it. A little background. I have always been creative with clothing. Back in high school I would do everything I could do get out of wearing my uniform even if it meant spending the day dodging the principal (whose office was across from my locker!) I needed my color. I needed my art. Fast forward to adulthood when I fell in love with tichels ( headscarves). Fabric took on a new face representing all the possibilities for artistic expression. I loved that I could bring my art to a Mitzvah ( Torah commandment.) Then I was introduced to Dressing Your Truth and my world exploded. It was like getting a life makeover from the inside out. Dressing became an affirmation of my Self. It became a celebration and a challenge.

And then there's now.

I have been affirmed. I have been celebrated. I have been expressed. I am here. And there is a new chapter waiting for me. I can feel it buzzing in my heart.

This new chapter is about freedom and clarity.

It's about making room in my life for more Essence and less Stuff.

I have been pondering the fashion industry and even just looking at how we get dressed. Every day we wear different clothes. For who? Why do we do that? We live in temperature controlled environments. Our clothes don't need to be washed every day. We are not working in the field getting dirty. We change simply because we want to show up in the world in a different outfit. How crazy is that? Essentially we are getting dressed for other people so that they will notice our outfit for half a minute. You may deny that - and I certainly did -  but if you give it logical thought, it's just one long cycle of stress, dress, impress, repeat. I honestly think that if the fashion industry would disappear we would all be happy and be more normal and have more money. Instead we are sold the status quo that we always need more. Says who? You know I'm not a fancy shopper. I mostly go to Thrift Stores. But still, shopping is always there. The idea of the next great top or the perfect skirt teases me, "If I only had the perfect ______my wardrobe would be complete." But it never is. Because when you're looking to clothes for expression they will never fully express the depth of who you are. Years ago I learned a spiritual concept that  a person is like an orange. We are all the same size but the thicker the peel,the more the external,   he less the fruit. That concept bothered me. It made me mad. I was like whaaat? No way. I can have both. What about beauty? What about art? What about elevating everything in G-d's world? Now I get it. It's not the quality of the physicality its the quantity and the overdone investment that's the issue. It pulls us away from our essential selves. The self you get in touch with in rare quiet moments. Or the self you get in touch when you're involved in acts of kindness and caring. In those moments of realness, what you're wearing is not what matters. One more aspect that has me thinking is modesty. The laws of modesty define what I will and won't wear and yet there are subtleties that make it hard to discern if something is truly fit for a queen. How tight is too tight? Do I need to give up my skirt because I gained weight and it's snug? Looking good is great but how good is too good? Ask any G-d fearing women with a sense of style - these questions are not easy to answer. And once you answer them ( and find the perfect thing)  you go shopping again and the questions come up again. How awesome would it be to simply answer the questions and be done?

Here are the things I want to be done with;

1. The Treasure Hunt. I want to go in and out of stores without scanning the aisles for the one thing that might work for me. I want to leave with just what I came in to get.
2. The Mindset. I want to clear an entire room in my head called "What should I wear" and leave it open for other questions like "How can I serve G-d in this moment."
3. The Social Element. How many times have you spent time with someone and the first ten minutes or even the first comment is on how you look or how they look or where they shop? I honestly cannot stand those conversations. The mutual "You look awesome " is fun, but beyond that I feel like my brain is turning to mush - like my time and my soul are starving for substance. Most people I know are sensitive, spiritual people. They don't even want to be talking about that stuff. But it's like talking about the weather - its a filler. It's meant to be a connector but I would submit that its a dis- connector because it is filling a space where real conversation could take place.
4. The Body Image Issue. It doesn't matter how many documentaries come out about  how models are all photoshopped replicas of actual people. There is a still a Western paradigm of what women's beauty looks like and it gets in our brain. This leads to an inaccurate  assessment of our bodies that is nearly possible to escape from. The only way out is to really get  that your worth and beauty is based on who you are on the inside. Lessening the weight of my relationship with clothing leaves more room for that awareness.

 

What I Want to Keep

1. The Joy of Color. The Creator gave us a the gift of color as a means of expression and mood enhancement. He made a beautiful outrageously colorful world to delight our senses. In my next phase of life, I'm bringing that with.
2. Tichels. A Tichel is a crown. It's my favorite item to put on and it wraps me with purpose every day. I  love it.
3. My Dressing Your Truth Knowledge.

My Vision 

A clean closet with a 5 dresses all the same, in different patterns. I may look the same as in this picture, but on the inside I'll be different. Each day I pick one and  I'm dressed. No clogging of the space. No clogging of the mind. Beautiful, colorful, modest and comfortable. I decorate with jewelry and scarves. It's like a uniform, a Life Uniform. And that's it. That's whats been on my mind every time a clothing conversation starts. It's just not me anymore. Ironically I just took a dear friend shopping. She is a self proclaimed tomboy and never cared about clothing or shopping at all. We had a marvelous time choosing colors and textures that fit her Type and she felt like a million bucks! She looked in the mirror and couldn't help smiling "It's me! I look like me! I like it!" She even texted me that her husband did a double take with the new boots that we bought and I was ecstatic! It made my day. So let me be clear - this stuff is important.  How we look, how comport ourselves is the message we are sending to the world about who we are.and the added awareness of which colors and fabrics harmonize with our energy and make us feel great is critical. I want ever woman to have that. But can we have that with intention? Can we own only things we love and then leave it at that? I am re calibrating  my antenna - letting go of more of the peel so that I can concentrate more on the fruit. I want to melt into whatever it is that the Almighty has in store for me without anything in the way. I am not all the way there in my quest for less. So far I have done one thing. I have stopped shopping. I am done. What will come next? I will let you know. PS. The day after I drafted this post I ran into this! . Just look at the change in people's lives as they minimize their wardrobe and let their life instead of their clothes, do the talking! THIS is what I'm talking about! Tell me about your relationship with clothes; Where are you up to?        Read more...

Why I Have Stopped Shopping For New Clothes

This is about  how we look at fashion and how it has ceased to make sense to me and how I am so done with it. . I have been pondering the fashion industry and even just looking at how we get dressed. Every day we wear different clothes. For who? Why do we do that? We live in temperature controlled environments. Our clothes don't need to be washed every day. We are not working in the field getting dirty. We change simply because we want to show up in the world in a different outfit. How crazy is that? Essentially we are getting dressed for other people so that they will notice our outfit for half a minute. You may deny that - and I certainly did but if you give it logical thought, it's just one long cycle of stress, dress, impress, repeat. I honestly think that if the fashion industry would disappear we would all be happy and be more normal and have more money. Instead we are sold the status quo that we always need more. Says who?

from RivkaMalka.comRivkaMalka.com http://ift.tt/1Qbmrcx

Why Do Bad Things Happen To Good People?

I recorded this video before I understood the destruction that resulted from the hurricane. at the beginning of the video I talk about how you can't begin to fathom "why bad things happen" when it's in the middle of happening. Here in Baltimore, we were not hit as hard and so this post had a place. For those who are suffering right now, in Baltimore, New York, North Carolina and more, skip it. This is not for now. Now its time to get as many hugs as you can, pick up the pieces and try to face tomorrow. I am with you in spirit, we all are and may we see better days soon. https://youtu.be/zKb2sy5-Gyg   Read more...

The Rockaways Need Our Help

Those people are suffering. The rest of us are divided into two categories - those who are help them and those who don't. Unfortunately, until now, I've been in the category of those who don't.

Last night, Frank Storch a local community activist read:Tzadik ,a seriously righteous man) came to WOW and described the relief efforts that he and others have made. When he heard the storm was coming he got on a plane and came right back home from Israel where he had been visiting. Most people would have stayed away but he wanted to be right where he could help. As he said last night, he wanted "to make a difference."

And make a difference he did. Buying out all the generators from at least three Home Depot's and Loews. Arranging three trucks to go to NY filled with generators, flashlights and clothes.

And his latest arranging a grand community carnival to get the kids in the Rockaways out of the house so their parents can have some relief and use that valuable time to clean and clear and sort.

They need our help. They need our prayers. People are financially ruined, homeless and traumatized. Here is the link to  Young Israel of Bayswater. http://www.yiwb.org/

We are a nation of givers, leaders and role models. Wake up RM! Lets' DO something!

Read more...

A Little Blurb About Stephanie

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