How Do You Convert To Judaism 2/2 (video)

This video is the second of two videos responding to a question regarding conversion to Judaism. Read more...

How Do you Convert To Judaism? 1/2 (video)

This video is a response to a question regarding Jewish conversion. That question is answered in the 2nd video. This video is more of an introduction to the Jewish philosophy. Read more...

Rabbi Jonathan Sacks on Free Will (video)

Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, one of the world's greatest Jewish scholars and contemporary thinkers, offers insights on Free Will in Judaism. Read more...

Neshama's Prayer To Go to School

      It's only the middle of the year but it's time to update you on our dear daughter Neshama. Neshma is 9 and old readers know from last year's drama both with her burn (a pot of boiling french fry oil spilled on her chest.) with her struggles in school. Thank G-d she is doing amazing. Happy, reading, discovering. We found out that she needs glasses are looking into Irlen lenses for her. She is working hard and so proud of herself. Now, we've been informed by the school, we need to decide if we'll be sending her next year.   On one hand, how can we not? This is what she needs. On the other hand, how can we, it's so much money! Seeing how far she's come, from absolute misery to absolute light is encouraging us to give this a try. And seeing how many people care is giving us courage to put this fundraiser out there. Watch this video to find out about her school. Below is the text from the fundraiser we are making for her. Above is a video of her reading. She says to tell you that it's cheating a little because she's so familiar with it. On Friday nights we read this prayer together, taking turns with each paragraph. Still... she does a great job. I hope you can help. We definitely need a miracle. ---------------------------------------------------------------------   If you want you can skip the text below and just click here to see the real thing: Last year you changed our lives. When we decided to do a fundraiser for Neshama’s schooling we were at our wit’s end. We had watched her go from a bright and happy child to a clinically depressed one due to her learning disabilities and we were desperate for an intervention. We took a risk. And the support that we received makes me cry as I write this. How are people so amazing?! Bezalel and I would sit for nights after, looking at the names of the people who donated. “Wow, I didn’t know they cared.” And “Who are those people, can you believe they gave to us? “ We were overwhelmed. Neshama knows it. She says to people all the time. “I have Dyslexia, I go to Jemicy, it took tons of people got together to help me get there.” In the mornings when it’s hard for her to get up, I remind her how lucky she is and how we must use every day there. She hasn’t skipped a day. Thank G-d, this year has exceeded our expectations. Neshama is learning how to read! She’s 9 now and her writing is improving too. Jemicy seems to be tailor made for her giving her the confidence to bounce back into the child that she was meant to be. She feels successful in school for the first time in her life. In Hebrew there’s a term for gratitude, Dayenu; it would have been enough. Which means, we’re so grateful that even if we only had this one kindness and not a single one more, it would have been enough. Even if she only had this one transformative year we would be filled to the brim with the miracle of it all. The only problem is that for her, it’s not Dayenu. It’s not enough. Not really. She is still two or three grades behind. If this year is her last year at Jemicy, there is no other school for her. This will be it. What will be with her? We’re at a crossroads. We are looking to the future with profound uncertainty. What will become of her future? Will she go back into depression? Her old school is not an option. Will she be at home all year? I don’t know. Jemicy tuition is just over 32,000 with $3,000 due immediately and the remaining amount needs to be made in two payment byDecember 2015. Under normal circumstances, this would be prohibitive. Now that we’ve lost our business, it’s not even a topic. If we aren’t able to give a significant amount at the beginning we have no guarantees that we’ll be able to come up with the rest. The number is enormous but is matched by the level of intensity and attention to each child. Although some kids attend Jemicy for many years, many kids get the skills they need and are able to mainstream back into other schools. This is our hope for her; That we get through this year and maybe the next and set her on the road for a successful life. Every child deserves to succeed. Since our last fundraiser we have gone out of our way to support and help others with the same issue. We have spoken with parents and helped them set up fundraisers and advocated whenever we can. But this one is ours. She’s looking to us to make it all okay. Can you help us send Neshama to school next year? Thank you, thank you, thank you! Bezalel and Rivka Malka and Neshama PS. We would love to send you a copy of this prayer if you would like. It is said, that the greatest way to achieve miracles is through gratitude ( vs complaining about what we don't have.) And we have seen this to be true again and again. After you donate, just put your address in the comments area or send us an email at itsrivkamalka@gmail.com and Neshama will use her spring break this week to send one to you! Click here for Neshama's YouCaring page Read more...

Passover in Africa

  It was early in the morning a couple of months go when my husband got the text. “Great deals to South Africa.” It wasn’t unusual for him to get a text like that bc he’s signed up to Dan’s Deals. Dan is a guy who hunts for amazing deals and then sends them out to anyone on his list free of charge. What was unusual was how cheap the tickets were and the fact that they were available over Passover!

In the Airport

Meanwhile, out in NY, Bezalel’s brothers received the same text. Within minutes there was a flurry of phone calls and crazy dreams turned into plans. We calculated that with these crazy cheap tickets it would be the same cost as making Pesach at home. Not only that but we’d get t be with family! We were going to South Africa. Not only us, but almost all my brothers in laws and sister in laws and their families too! We would all be going to visit Chev and Paul, our sister and brother out in SA.

My nephew Yosef - the international traveler!

The timing couldn't have been better. In the early years we would all get together at my mother in laws house where she would host 20 or more of us for the whole week of Pesach. It was delightful insanity; kids, matzha, singing into the night…. Later on, we were the hosts and the entire entourage moved in with us. More recently though, as the kids grow up, families have started wanting to have their own Seder. Everyone loves being with family but there is something to having a father at the head of the table leading his children in his traditions. And there’s something about going from being a guest to owning the experience by being a host. Things were beginning to change. So to have this chance to recapture that togetherness was amazing. My son installed a counter on my phone and every day it told me how many days left until our trip. And now, after weeks of planning, we are here!   The flight that was available traveled through Abu Dhabui in the United Arab Emirates. We traveled on Etihad airlines. The flight started out with a Traveler’s Prayer which we thought was pretty cool because we also say one when we go on a trip. This may sound silly but one thing we couldn’t get over was the Stewardess’s outfits! My girls and I are always on the lookout for beautiful modest clothing and these uniforms were gorgeous! We had a stopover in Abu Dhabi for 14 hours and there was a hotel right there in the airport so we never left the building.

In the hotel - note the portraits behind us

  Being there left me with a multitude of impressions. The burka’s were scary. Seeing only a woman’s eyes and nothing else makes for true invisibility. The black material swishing around them added a sense of black mystery. On the other hand it felt good to be in place that understood the importance of prayer and dietary needs. As Jews ( and a big group at that) we were pretty conspicuous with my tichel and the boy’s yarmulkas and we got a lot of stares but nothing too outrageous. Of course, my sister in law with an Israeli passport wouldn’t even be allowed into the country ( they don’t recognize that document.) So she found a place to sleep with her family that was in the airport before the Passport control.

On the bus in the United Arab Emirates

As we exited the airport we found ourselves in an empty corridor and the guys started singing Pesach songs.Loaded up with our luggage and kids in tow, ( matzah and paper goods for 38 ppl a meal!) it definitely felt like an Exodus! The song is from the Hagada that we read at the Seder; it goes "THIS is what has stood ( held strong) for us and our forefathers, that so many tried to destroy but The Holy One saved us from their hands." THIS means so much. It means, this Torah, these traditions. It means this faith and hope no mater what. And it also means THIS; this family, these ties that we hold so dear, this devotion to each other no matter how busy life gets, no matter how different we all are, THIS has kept us strong and has stood the test of time. We got up early this morning, jet lagged and happy on the other side of the world. I have limited internet here but I’ll try and post pics and keep you in the loop as we eat matzah in Africa and play with lions on the Safari.   PS If you liked that song - you can hear the whole thing here. https://youtu.be/KKV07h85lHY  Q. What keeps YOUR family going? Read more...

My New Blog

    Hi Everyone, I'm having blog troubles. Things aren't loading properly and  it won't let me post pictures. (I've been trying for the past week.) I've actually been wanting to update my blog and I've been working on it for the past little while. So the timing's pretty good, because it will make me finish that process sooner. Here are somethings I'm adding based on your feedback: -A white background ( instead of black) to make it easier to read - An Ask RM feature where you can send me a voice text with any question you want. (Fun!) - Links to articles on basic Jewish philosophy. - Bigger pictures And an overall cleaner look. I'm really excited! Even though it's not finished yet and all the archives are't moved over I'm planning on going to go live in a couple of days. As I go forward I would REALLY like your feedback. I want to be of most value to you. Bringing value to people is what drives me. And even though we've had some great conversations, there's so much more for me to know about what matters to you. A lot of blogs are very specific; fashion advice, business, advice, spiritual guidance etc...  or a personal sharing about a particular journey. this blog is different, it's a place for women. And women are complex. We are all about all kinds of things at once! Can you please take a minute to answer these 5 questions ? They are short and mostly multiple choice and it will give me a chance to hear your voice more clearly. Thank you!! And now, the questionnaire! http://goo.gl/forms/a1D63RQh0A       Read more...

My Dream Came True

      I had a dream. In this dream I was on stage and the performance ( that I had been attending) was over. I was lingering up there, maybe organizing a few things, when the two sounds techs off stage began talking with me. They were playing Jewish Geography . (DO you know this person or that person..?) and I was answering them. Off to the side, I saw my sister. She came with her two little girls to visit me. I was annoyed. I was in the middle of networking. I was busy! I felt stuck. How would I be able to manage both conversations ( and the 2 different dynamics, one public one private) at once? I was also annoyed that she brought her kids. Wasn’t this adult time? I walked over to my sister and started talking to her when a teenage kid appeared and handed us a gift. It was two tickets to the next event  so that we could attend together. I looked at the tickets and I started to smile and then I threw my head back and laughed. This is what I needed!  I realized how ridiculous I had been acting. What was more important than spending time with my sister? And what was more precious than little children and motherhood? Those two tickets – that gift- brought me home and back to my senses. I woke up from my dream with the image so clear in my mind that I grabbed my notebook and wrote it down. Something about it was extremely important. Before I even got out of bed I called my sister Devora.  I wanted to connect – to act on this feeling of clarity.

Devora is my favorite nut - the only picture I could find is one of her on Purim!

Only two minutes into the conversation she said “ Rif, you need to come down to Atlanta. We’re sending you a ticket.  And just like that, my dream started to come to life. A couple of months ago, I had gotten a call from  Devora asking me if I would come to Atlanta where she lives to lead a women's event that she and her friend Nicole were planning. I gave her a huge yes! even though I wasn't quite sure what the event was. I knew the name was The 4 Auras.  I figured when the time got closer I’d hear more. That morning, she asked me to fly down to help them work the website and set up the infrastructure of the event. Less than a week later I was on a plane munching on Jalapeno chips and reading a new book basking in the excitement of something brand new. But I still didn’t know what it was. Then  I met Nicole.

Nicole is all the way on the left

Meeting Nicole is like meeting a life sized precious gem – rock solid and extremely precious. And she is on fire! Nicole walked in, pulled out  her laptop and we barely said hello before we were waist high in conversation about what we could do for Jewish women. I understood from Nicole and Devora that they had 4 goals for The 4 Auras

1. Building Bridges. The 4 Auras is beyond denominations. Maybe it’s on purpose or maybe it’s circumstantial but the fact is that women who observe Judaism differently often don’t get a chance to meet let alone talk and connect. It’s time to meet and celebrate each other and to break down stereotypes and misconceptions.

We want women to get together, to come out of their usual circles and be embraced through rich programming with a community of women who seek vitality.

2. Jewish Enrichment. We are all hungry. You can have a Torah Observant woman who just isn’t feeling it, or a non - Observant women who hasn’t had the chance to discover what Judaism can be. Both are hungry. Both need spiritual food. We feel most alive when we are growing and working on ourselves. We need programming where we can enrich our Judaism and be lit up  with purpose.
3. Support. The 4 Auras aims to provide programming for women in all areas for optimal Life Balance. That’s where the name 4 Auras come in. We’re looking to provide support for women’s physical, emotional, mental and spiritual selves.
4. Networking. The 4 Auras can serve as a database for business and services run by women . The website will aim to slowly build up information about Jewish communities across the US. You can find the help you need and support someone’s business at the same time. How awesome is that!

  Once I got it, I felt a wave of familiarity. At the Challah Bake last year we had experienced all of the above. We had women of all different types under the banner of a simple mitzvah ( Torah commandment) and it was marvelous. The camaraderie was unparalleled. We knew we couldn’t let it stop there and we decided to begin an organization called The Challah Ladies and start programming. But life got in the way and I learned that wanting to start an organization isn't the same as starting one.

This is the flyer

So here I am  again.  I'm in a funny place in my life. It's like all the doors are open  but I'm not sure which one to walk through. I've never had this before. Usually, I'm rushing along and I find myself engulfed before I even realize it. This time is different. More than a few opportunities have come up recently and I find myself asking Hashem "What do you want me to do? So I'm  watching for clues, and this feels like a pretty strong one. Our first meeting centered around this inaugural event celebrating Jewish femininity. We scoped out the venue, set up the program and put up the website. Nicole and Devora are working on getting the word out in Atlanta and are  organizing the whole thing.  The evening is going to be lush with sights and sounds. I’ll be speaking, we’ll all be doing life balance work. We’ll be getting into mini groups for workshops and working with movement to the sound of beating drums. We’ll talk about why this is so important and what it means to be a woman and how nurturing your 4 auras is the dance of life. I’ll let you know how it goes! I really have no idea if this is like a slow growing fruit tree or like a fast growing vine. Will we jump into programming or take ten steps back and reassess? It’s up to the women. When they come they’ll let us know. This is totally grass roots. In the meantime, check out what happened. I said to Nicole and Devora , “I really like to bring Minky if I go out of town. If I come, I would need to  bring her.” The next thing I knew, two tickets arrived in my inbox. And my dream came full circle. Two tickets to an event. This event. I realized that it’s not just me who gets caught up in unimportant distractions’ and misses out on face to face relationships. It’s all of us. This event is the one I was given tickets to in my dream. This is the healing. We run and we run, and we do and we do, but very rarely do we stop to fill up. The 4 Auras event is to fill us up, give us energy, speak our fears and strengthen our souls.   I hope that sometime during the night, someone throws back their head and laughs, “I needed this!” If you’re in Atlanta  RSVP here!!!         Read more...