Romance, Intrigue, Drama Pt 3!

The story starts to turn around! Here is the final installment of the Purim Story. I can't wait!

 

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Can G-d Grow Bread On Trees?

[Lech Lecha  are the words that were told to Abraham. "Lech lecha, go to yourself'' when G-d sent him on a journey into the unknown. We read it not only as go to yourself, but, despite the hardship, go for yourself, for your own benefit.] https://youtu.be/d8WrShnKTWY It’s been a long time since I sat down to write. These past few months I couldn’t write b/c I have just been  a great big bread machine. Ingredients are being added into the machine daily. Job changes, a child suffering with depression, a child working out their faith, and myself working to be there for everyone while still juggling my out of the home responsibilities.           It’s whirring, this machine that I am. Mixing, striving - sometimes leaking heartfelt tears. I haven’t written, I suppose because I am very busy. I’m busy processing, kneading the dough, praying it comes out good. And sometimes not praying -sometimes just surviving. There have been times over the last few months where I’ve been tempted to dump out the contents, let the runny mixture spill out and show everyone “look what I’m making” But I can’t. The ingredients aren’t all mine. The struggles and stories belong to people I love. And  they’re counting on me to hold it together – to produce something beautiful. To make sure that their contribution to my pain is used like yeast - despite it's awful smell and appearance - to grow us. I’m looking forward to the freshly baked blessing that will come from all of this. I know they’re there. But at the same time, I know – though sometimes my heart forgets, that this struggle – this very meeting, appointment, stress, upset, worry is also the blessing. Is it too hard for G-d to grow bread from trees? He grows apples, oranges, mangos, bananas, melons, kiwis, papyas… where should I stop? It’s not hard for Him to grow bread from trees. And yet, the staff of life – man’s most influential food is processed. It’s threshed and winnowed and beaten and crushed and ground and mixed and pummeled then baked on high heat until, at last, its bread. We’re supposed to be a work in progress. Every step has a purpose. Every stage is towards a goal. And in the same way that each step has its measure – too high heat will make the bread burn -  each step of the struggle has been given to us in it’s exact amount. There’s nothing arbitrary. This is all perfect, it just hurts. I’m still me, doing all the things I love –  I’m just a quieter version right now.  I’ve moved out of the teacher's desk and into the student's place and Life is in the classroom teaching whatever I’m willing to learn. Read more...

Shabbos In The ER

  And just when I was talking about things settling down... I spend Shabbos in the ER!   Everything is ok now, but my mind is just spinning with images and experiences of the last day. I  went in with my daughter  Thursday night and thought we'd be out earlier, but things were taking so long that as time marched on we knew we would be there for Shabbos. Once that reality set in, it was time to do what we could to get ready. I couldn't change my clothes, but I went into the bathroom, washed my face and retied my tichel in honor of Shabbos. I said to my daughter who was in her hospital gown, "What can you do?" She had the great idea to straighten out the room. So there we were, folding white sheets and throwing away plasticware from lunch trays with a little skip of joy in our hearts. I can't explain it, but I felt the Shabbos presence entering through those simple acts of preparation. I called my husband and asked him to light candles for me. Because as you know each person has their own light, and it needs to be lit every Shabbos. I remember a long time ago when I was rushing  late afternoon on Friday to get some antibiotics for one of our kids. There was traffic on the way home and as I was driving I saw all these men walking to shul. I had no idea if I'd made it in time. I was shaking. When I got home I was too scared to light candles because it may have been Shabbos already.  At the end, I didn't, but as is the custom of Jewish women, from then on I light an extra candle each week to make up for the light that was lost then - and as a reminder to how precious the mitzvah is. Anyway, back to our room. I left the tv on, which was not ideal in terms of the spirit of Shabbos but I felt was compassionate, considering we had no idea how long we'd be there. And in the meantime, we were given an awesome gift that no one was in the second bed that was in the room. So I drew the curtain between the beds and now we had the tv room and the Shabbos room. "Lets sing Shlom Alaichem to welcome Shabbos."At first she was a bit resistant, a little self conscious. But as we began to sing, a peace and perfection spread throughout the room. I will never forget it. We sang, we laughed and then we made a funny little kiddush in a Styrofoam cup with grape juice we had gotten from the special kosher room in the hospital. I had to go to  different part of the hospital to get our food. As I walked, angels appeared (in scrubs) and walked ahead of me opening the electric doors for me and pressing the call buttons when I needed it. I felt like I was floating through the halls, protected by Shabbos. I was. When I was finally given the go ahead to go home, it was 12:00 in the morning. They called a taxi for me (no driving on Shabbos, but you can get a ride if it's to help a sick person.) and I was pretty apprehensive about paying him. I would have to bring him into my house and have him take the money because we don't handle money on Shabbos. Something which I've done before, but not at 12:00 am. I decided to deal with one thing at a time and worry about it when the time came. Guess what! It turned out that the hospital had taken care of the bill with a voucher! But the night was not over yet. When I got home, the door was locked and the key that was hidden in the back was hidden too well considering it was the middle of the night.  So I climbed through the window, plopped belly first onto the waiting couch and was home! I got off the couch and looked around. It looked like a tornado had hit the house! There was clothes and crumbs and cereal boxes left on the table. My family had left town before Shabbos  ( my husband's sister is in from Israel and they had to catch her for the one Shabbos that she's here.) and thinking that I would be back before Shabbos we hadn't made any plans. Remember the special feeling that Shabbos prep gave the hospital room? Well, this was the exact opposite. I felt like I was stepping into a time warp. After a long day, having slept on chair the night before, my family away, my mind generally frazzled I did something I've never done before. I took a strong shot of whiskey and went to bed!!! At this point I should stop writing, because it's so long and so much happened that this post would be three times as long. But as you can see Shabbos had only just begun! There was SO much more! It may have looked like I was in the ER last night. But I was in Shabbos.                                                    *If you're not Shabbos observant I'll just give you a little bit of info that will help you to understand what this means. It means that when the sun set on Friday we would be entering a sacred space in time. The way honor and protect that space is by doing things which connect us to our inner selves and to our Creator and by not doing that which would inhibit that connection. All those weekday activities are a distraction and they give us the illusion that we're in control. (I must send this email!) On Shabbos we let go of creating the outer world and work on creating our inner world. Some quick Shabbos guidlines, no using electricity, no writing, no using money. Yes, to eating delicious Shabbos meals, reading etc.)     Read more...

Does Judaism Accept Converts?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQlj75nEdvE This video is the beginning of a conversation that I've been having with people around the world. There's a stirring for spirituality - and many people are asking about Judaism or are drawn to some Jewish practices. Here's just a bit of education  about the topic. Part 2 will be posted soon (already recorded) so just hang tight if you have questions. Or, better idea, ask me your questions and we can have a Part 3. Read more...

Neshama Learns about Hope

    Our eight year old Neshama is an angel. She's playful, spiritual, insightful and a tomboy. She's also dyslexic. This year has been beyond hard for her. Being left back in first grade means that the kids in her class are a year younger than her.  That's hard. and even with that reading hasn't gotten much easier for her. She has three weekly tutors (thank G-d they are all through special services!) [yay Jen Kaplan!] and she is still struggling. Midway though the year she began to get depressed. She would sneak away from the class, wander the hallways. For a good part of the school year she cried herself to sleep. When she would get really down she would cry in fits - "I only want to be in Israel!" Israel is the spiritual home of a Jew and the feeling that you get when you're there is peace and connectness in a way you can't get anywhere else. Even those who haven't been there,  know this. She would get mad at me and I would say to her, "Neshama, I can't help you. I want you to go to Israel so badly, but it's not something that I can make happen. Ask the  One who can." Again and again I told her and again and again she cried and prayed. Towards the end of the school year, she came home one day furious and miserable. She said "There was a raffle every single week this year. And two kids were chosen each week. The WHOLE year I never got picked. the whole year! And it's not fair. Other kids just got picked by luck but I davened (prayed) all the time that I would win and I didn't. She was miserable for hours. She wisely said "It doesn't matter what present you buy me. When you win the raffle, the whole class cheers and it's very special."   My heart broke for her. I am 100000% against raffles. Every winner means 30 losers. I had nothing to say. I simply said, "Sweetheart, the tefilloes (prayers) that you said still went somewhere. Every single one. And Hashem (G-d ) has a plan. You wanted to win the raffle. But He wants you to have something even better." I wasn't able to comfort her.  Parenting often means that you say things that  kids  don't understand  until they are twenty. But you've got to say them. One week later her prayers were answered. Just look at the video and see what happened!!!  And you heard her - she learned the lesson there is always hope!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CVBMMAcA8k   Meanwhile we have worked for a good part of the year to get her into an amazing school for Dyslexia. She got educational testing and psychological testing. We visited the school , we set up appointments and we just got word back that they have no room. They are fuller than ever. It's so easy to give up hope. How will this little girl go to school? How will she learn how to read? So now it's our turn, to pray and to hope and to believe that miracles are possible and to learn from this little lady to never lose hope. Read more...

I'm Disconnecting for About a Week

          Today I'm going camping. I think they call it glamping - as in "glamorous camping" because we'll be in cabins and have electricity. But I'll be away. This trip is epic because all 8 siblings from my husbands side and their families will be there. Were getting together from Israel, South Africa, NY and Baltimore for 4 days in the woods.  I know I'm really lucky - Thank you dear G-d for this trip. I'm so excited yet have a little anxiety about this trip - bringing along my one child who needs structure - when there will be none. And bringing along my child who needs space - and there will be none. And then there's me. I've been doing a lot of reading about ADD lately and self diagnosing a a bit. There are definite ADD streaks running through my family and my husbands family and recently my MIL gave me a book to read on the topic. There were a few things that jumped out at me, but this one story was startling. This guy who is an impulsive nut - but a loving husband and a great money maker describes how he planned a ski trip with his family. They were going to meet up with friends at the slopes and spend a few days together. They arrived at the slopes and the guy panicked. He told his wife "I've got to  go" and he jumped back in his car and drove back to the city to his office. She was at her wit's end of course - he had done this so many times in the past - just left situations without a moments notice -  and he felt horrible as he told over the story. As they spoke to the psychologist, a pattern emerged when they described his "escape escapades." What was revealed was this man's ADD and his tremendous need for structure. People with ADD don't have inner structure - their mind is scattered and brilliant and jumping from one thing to the next. When faced with a situation that had no structure he literally felt ungrounded - and he returned, like a thirsty man to the world of inboxs calenders and his familiar place at the desk. As the author says, you could clearly imagine him relaxing his nerves unwinding as he breathed in the familiar scene and tasks. The first thing I did when I read this was jump up and show this to my daughter. While she wouldn't escape a situation, four days of hanging out and being together makes her skin itch. She is elegant and lovable and productive is her thing. This scene described her exactly. Then, over the weekend the story kept playing itself in my head and I had to admit that it rang true for me too. I used to find myself at family gatherings, miserable. While I loved everyone one on one, the open endedness of it all and the multiple dynamics at play made me feel ungrounded and confused - it was like I lost sight of who I was for those hours. I literally couldn't remember how to be. And I was really ashamed. I would retreat, go to my bedroom or accidentally fall asleep with the kids as I put them to bed. Once or twice I was crying, writing furiously in my notebook. My husband would come looking for me. He couldn't understand it - and either could I. I would feel so immature. Actual grown ups don't do this, do they?                                                                  Things have gotten a lot better over years - as I solidify and deepen my relationships seeing my siblings doesn't feel overwhelming. Although thank G-d, with all the nieces and nephews there can be over a hundred people there, it no longer feels like ungrounded chaos. I don't exactly look forward to gigantic gatherings but I find my one on one's and I find my peace in meaningful connections. Which brings me back to the camping trip - 50 people and 4 days. And while I'm looking forward to it, I'm thinking of all this and I'm thinking of my kids- the ones who got my genes. How do I make them feel balanced, safe and grounded? I've seen what it looks like when they're not and misery is not too strong of a word. For my one daughter we borrowed a tent. She may or may not sleep there but she'll have a place to retreat and relax. She can talk to one cousin at a time instead of thirty. We also bought her a bunch of art supplies; paint canvas etc so she can self soothe and create and generally feel at peace. Having it be a topic that we speak about is also helpful. She was going to skip this trip - it was just too taxing on her emotionally - too much stimulation but she's feeling pretty good about this set up. I'm so grateful for these ideas - they don't come from me. They were guided help from the Almighty. Like I overheard my oldest daughter explain to someone "Noone is born a mother - having children makes you one."                                                                                                                   As for me, I want to own this thing. Even though I have come a long way, I still slip back into what I  call weirdness when these get-togethers are prolonged. And I want to tackle it. One of my greatest fears is being seventy and being insecure. When I 'm a grown up I want to be a grown up. We are not one age. We are many ages. There are parts of us that are still rebellious teenagers and parts of us that are wise beyond our years. I'm looking for shelaimus - wholeness and that means that I need to grow this part of myself up. I'm willing to let go of this part of myself, the part that wants to run away when the feelings are too intense. One of the greatest things I learned from 12 step participants is  the power of being willing vs trying. Here's a small excerpt to illustrate what that means. Willingness involves acceptance. Trying  involves condemnation. If you are willing, you are open to receive. If you are trying , you are closed to guidance. If you are trying  you will fear failure. If you are willing, even ‘failure’ may be used as a teaching device. If you are trying, you will fear not being able. You will judge yourself a failure. It's a magical thing, willingness - its free of judgement and  open to possibility. It's the courage to step into the unknown and not try and control it. That's why for these four days I'm not bringing my phone and I'm not bringing my computer. I'm going to go camping in the woods and be willing to be fully there. And I'll bring my notebook, because that's just me - I may still need a little time away but I'll be going back to myself, not running away.

The Perlman Boys

I'm  seeing this as an opportunity to be fully there for my kids in mind body and spirit - which is a rare and precious treat. And I know myself - it will be uncomfortable. There will be moments when I feel ungrounded and hours where I just want to go home. But I'm willing to be with those feelings. I'm so happy to be doing this and to have this chance to look myself in the eye, put my arm around my shoulder and say "It's okay sweetie, it's safe to grow up now." And my kids will get a much happier mother too! (And my dear husband won't have to go looking for me, which he'll love!) So that's it. I'd love your feedback if you can relate to any of this -  but I won't be able to respond right away because I'm going glamping:)                     Read more...

The Shabbos Project

https://youtu.be/MAWPka42odw Sometimes I have so much going on that its hard to capture it all in words. So I end up not posting. Which is nuts because there's so much to write about! Instead I recapped for you in this video that I took the day after the event. In the video link you'll get to see the movement that took over my life for the past month. In an unparalleled act of unity over 1 million people kept shabbos together all around the world. The prelude to this was The Great Challah Bake. Go Google it - you won't believe your eyes. Pictures and videos of thousands and thousands and thousands and thousands of women all around the world baking challah together. Or look up the Shabbos Project on YouTube - It's unbelievable what they've accomplished.(Plus, you'll get to hear Paula Abdul saying that she's keeping Shabbos!) Since quitting my job last year I have stepped down from organizing  large events. But The Challah Bake - THAT I had to do. From the minute I saw the video I knew I was going to be involved. Do you want to be inspired? Click HERE to hear about The Shabbos Project - everyone is already talking about next year!!! In the meantime, my life is divided between before the Challah Bake and After. Nothing is the same. I feel that G-d gave me an opportunity and an opening to a connection to women that was so joyous, that I must continue it. I don't know what that will look like but I'll let you know when I know . Good Shabbos, Love, Rivka Malka Read more...

My 20's 30's and 40's

  Well, I have to admit - the title of this post is a bit misleading. I'm actually not in my 40's yet. But I'm almost there... very close. The other day, my husband and I  were reflecting on life with my sister in law Tamar. She asked us where we're at, and I began musing;" We're like in our 40's. You know,  In your 20's you're figuring out 'who am I?' In your 30's, its all about 'what am I supposed to do?' And in your 40's you're finished proving yourself to the world."  I'll tell you about my 20's. My 20's were self discovery. I was newly married. Another time I'll tell you the crazy story about how I got married at 17 (!) and I was having an average of one kid a year. I was busy, I was happy. I was in a constant state of trying. Trying to be the best mother - to give all the things I supposedly didn't get (which I since found out my mother did a way better job of giving to me then I ever did giving to my children.) Trying to get the hang of housework (which took about a decade.) Trying to figure out who I was in this land of married people, but being barely out of high school myself. My lifespace and my self perception had a hard time catching up to each other. I began organizing community events, volunteering and getting involved, all with the suspicious feeling that everyone secretly thought I was a child (18, a child - imagine that!) Recently, I ran a program for twentysomethings and I was surprised to find out that they experienced the exact same insecurities as I'd experienced. Our lifestyles were light years apart: I had a been an idealistic young mom in Israel whose husband was in Yeshiva (Torah study program) all  day long, building a family. And they were getting their Masters; independent young women beginning their careers and hoping to meet a good guy. Their version of 20's looked so much more polished: they had cars and apartments and plans... Or maybe my version looked more polished with  a good  man at my side, a direction and little sweeties who called me Mommy. Who knows. But the more I got to know them, the more the questions sounded the same. I started to see that the question of "Who am I?" is part of emerging adulthood no mater which way you slice it.  There's a part of you that's proud and strong and a part that's tiny and vulnerable and wondering exactly where you fit in in this big world and if you're really an adult or is this some kind of trick you're managing to pull on people. [This is why its such an opportune time for young Jews to spend time in a Yeshiva or Israel trip. It accelerates the process ( and the end of the misery!) by literally growing people up through conversations about who are you.] Fascinating.  Then come the 30's.   By the time you get to your 30's you're an old pro. Either you've been through a couple of jobs or you are on the career path you've been planning for. You know about interviews and relationships. You've figured out that its more worthwhile to invest in a few good friends then to party with everyone. You have a few accomplishments under your belt and you kind of know who you are. The next question is "What do I do? My 30's were spent in Baltimore where we moved to after living in Israel for 4 1/2 years. We had 4 more kids here (8 all together, Thank G-d) and we were knee deep in family life. I felt good - really good. I took care of my health and eating habits. I homeschooled. I danced in the local women's performance. I got involved in synagogue life. I made tichel shows for charity and I volunteered for the local outreach center and ended up working for them. I helped my kids through elementary school and navigated their friendships and made more sleepover parties than I can count. And I was also in turmoil. I finally found out what I was good at and it was making me crazy! If I spent all day with the kids and with housework I would feel like I was exploding with the need to be creative. If I spent hours with the Young Adult Outreach group, I would feel like I needed to be home with my kids. No matter where I put my energies I would be hyper aware of all the things I was NOT doing. It was then that I wrote my four line Mission Statement, the most important line being " To put my husband and children before any outside person or cause." This line taunted me and inspired me every day from the door of my refrigerator. When I accomplished in my outreach work it would fuel me with adrenaline and I would push beyond my natural limits. I didn't want to acknowledge that I had any limits.Yet I strove to be fully present at home too. I could not reconcile how can I do the very best job at this and also the very best job at home? Unmarried thirty somethings often experience the same turmoil. This shows up in their dual desire to be married and settled on one hand and to be fabulously secure and accomplished in their career on the other. They can't find their peace. The truth emerges somewhere in the middle of the decade. You can have both but not both at the same time. Doing anything worthwhile in your 30's takes dedication and you have to be clear about what you want to dedicate yourself to. Of course there's a slight caveat to that: Life is never one thing at a time. So the challenge is to balance the doing . Most of the time both things (or all three things) are important. You can choose what you want to dedicate yourself to but you must stay open to what G-d has in mind as well. And now the 40's. I know, I know, I'm not 40 yet. But I feel like I'm in my 40's. I feel like I'm in an entirely new space. I'm not a girl anymore, I'm a woman. I'm not a Mommy of little kids, I'm a mother of 5 teenagers and 3 younger kids. I am tired. I am content. I am patient. Turmoil and conflict and overproducing and working late nights are not in me anymore. I have had enough life experiences to know that whatever is happening, however tough it is, will pass. And I know too that something new, some new test will be in it's place. I see that the Almighty is always pushing me to grow and He is endlessly creative in the obstacle course He designs for me. I am not in my 20's wondering who I am - I know what I have to offer. I'm not in my 30's (oops, yes I am ) trying to do it all. I'm in a new place a place of sweet surrender  laced with anxious grateful  prayer and a sense of Life and the grand scheme behind it. When my husband and I were talking about this we couldn't stop chuckling. It's just so funny how little you can care about things you used to obsess about. Our human limitations are so obvious we need to laugh and accept them. Last might I was supermom - getting dinner on the table and all the kids to bed at the right times. Spending quality time with each one of them for a total of four hours ( it's a lot of kids). It was a good night. I was the type of mom I dreamed of being in my 20's but unlike in my 20's when I would plan and conspire for ways to repeat that experience, I'm now simply grateful for it, knowing that every day is different and it may happen tomorrow or it may not. And that's ok. Supermom doesn't even exist - Like any superhero, she's a fantasy.  I'm not where I want to be in terms of time management and other habits that I've worked on for years; Some of my children have struggles that keep me up at night and break my heart, but inside I feel a steady glow that is comprised of all the experiences and gifts I've had up until now wrapped up with the loving care of the Almighty and I have nothing left to prove to the world.  It's funny that it took me this long to realize that I cannot do it all, I cannot do it perfectly and I cannot control the outcome. I'm just coming along for the ride doing my best. My (pseudo) 40's are all about the realization that it's not about whether you win or lose (and you can't control that) its how you play the game. I wonder what the 50's are like.                   Read more...

Good Bye Wrapunzel

    Last night was Good Bye Wrapunzel night. Its a huge change but we are sure that  this will be the beginning of something incredible I can't explain it in more profound terms, we just KNOW that despite the loss, everything is going to be amazing. In preparation for this new stage we've been fixing up our house. All those places (like our torn couches) that we had ignored while we were breathlessly busy were suddenly staring up at us with pitiful eyes; "Fix me, take care of me, make me a home again."

Sorting through our books

Anyway, its been a long time in coming and it's been a  powerful cleansing process.  You may not know this, but Wrapunzel ran out of my daughters old bedroom. We painted it and put up shelves to accommodate the tichels  but it wasn't long before the shelves spilled out of the room and lined our hallways. It was a little crazy! LOTS of tichels! Now that a new era is here I feel a yearning to reclaim my space - to lavish my rooms with love and attention so that they'll hug us and hold us while we finally take some time to breathe. Its our way of making a vessel for G_d to send blessings - bring it on! ( Plus  - no more playing with tichels all day so home decorating is a wonderful art form as a replacement!)

My new writing space. ( previously the Wrapunzel room)

I look forward to more blogging and getting to share more of our life with you with all this freed up time! Love, Rivka Malka If you haven't already, come subscribe to my blog, that's where it's happening! Subscribe HERE.       Read more...

Letting Go

Today a friend shared with me some  wisdom borrowed from a Buddhist teaching. The topic was letting go, and it really stuck me deep in my core. As I listened to the simple words they resonated and vibrated deep within me and I recognized a power that I never knew that I had. The power to let go. Going through a transitional time myself it's particularly poignant, but truly it's relevant to all of us at all times: Here goes: He tells this story. " I learned something from my teacher in the way that great teachers teach. Not with many words, but a small subtle lesson that makes your world open up. I was walking with my teacher, taking a stroll, when he bent down, picked up a stick,  turned to me and asked, "Is this heavy?" I nodded. Then he threw the stick to the side "Now it isn't." It's only heavy when you hold it, but if you let it go , it's got no weight at all. Profound, simple and unforgettable.  It's only heavy when you hold it, but if you let it go , it's got no weight at all. He taught me that the  first way to uncomplicate life is to travel lightly. We carry so much around all the time. Worry and anxiety crowd our mind. We regurgitate old wounds and chew on them thinking that they'll nourish us. But they won't, they'll poison us. Imagine you had a backpack filled with big rocks and you had to carry it everywhere you went. Imagine  you just didn't know how to take it off and put it down. You'd be so grumpy; so sick. You'd be exhausted. Are you exhausted?  I don't want to be exhausted. So I need to get rid of those rocks. I need to look in there and  see what I don't need and throw it away. This is the first step in the process of letting go."What can I throw away?" You know, you can throw away so many more things than you thought you could. Nothing bad will happen, I promise. We spend so much energy  telling and retelling our most heart wrenching stories to ourselves and to others. I know I spent many years doing that,  but it's not worth it.   Until now I thought  you learn from the past. I thought I  had to hold on to it or it would have been for nothing. You don't. The lessons you learned are already a part of you. Trust that. And trust that you can be here now, alive and present, fully actualized without reliving the stories again and again and again. In fact, its even deeper. You don't learn from the past, you feel pain from it. Its just rocks on your back weighing you down with every step you take. holding you back from being happy.We can  empty our mind of those stories. If we need them to teach someone about life we can always find them again, but the bag on your back can be empty and light. I'm letting go, I'm free falling into the wonderful destiny G-d has in mind for me.  Looking ahead there are a thousand ways to give to the world and I'm bursting with excitement to give and to share. If you haven't already, come subscribe to my blog, that's where it's happening! Subscribe HERE.     Read more...

Letting Go....

Today a friend shared with me some  wisdom borrowed from a Buddhist teaching. The topic was letting go, and it really stuck me deep in my core. As I listened to the simple words they resonated and vibrated deep within me and I recognized a power that I never knew that I had. The power to let go. Going through a transitional time myself it's particularly poignant, but truly it's relevant to all of us at all times: Here goes: He tells this story. " I learned something from my teacher in the way that great teachers teach. Not with many words, but a small subtle lesson that makes your world open up. I was walking with my teacher, taking a stroll, when he bent down, picked up a stick,  turned to me and asked, "Is this heavy?" I nodded. Then he threw the stick to the side "Now it isn't." It's only heavy when you hold it, but if you let it go , it's got no weight at all. Profound, simple and unforgettable.  It's only heavy when you hold it, but if you let it go , it's got no weight at all. He taught me that the  first way to uncomplicate life is to travel lightly. We carry so much around all the time. Worry and anxiety crowd our mind. We regurgitate old wounds and chew on them thinking that they'll nourish us. But they won't, they'll poison us. Imagine you had a backpack filled with big rocks and you had to carry it everywhere you went. Imagine  you just didn't know how to take it off and put it down. You'd be so grumpy; so sick. You'd be exhausted. Are you exhausted?  I don't want to be exhausted. So I need to get rid of those rocks. I need to look in there and  see what I don't need and throw it away. This is the first step in the process of letting go."What can I throw away?" You know, you can throw away so many more things than you thought you could. Nothing bad will happen, I promise. We spend so much energy  telling and retelling our most heart wrenching stories to ourselves and to others. I know I spent many years doing that,  but it's not worth it.   Until now I thought  you learn from the past. I thought I  had to hold on to it or it would have been for nothing. You don't. The lessons you learned are already a part of you. Trust that. And trust that you can be here now, alive and present, fully actualized without reliving the stories again and again and again. In fact, its even deeper. You don't learn from the past, you feel pain from it. Its just rocks on your back weighing you down with every step you take. holding you back from being happy.We can  empty our mind of those stories. If we need them to teach someone about life we can always find them again, but the bag on your back can be empty and light. I'm letting go, I'm free falling into the wonderful destiny G-d has in mind for me.  Looking ahead there are a thousand ways to give to the world and I'm bursting with excitement to give and to share. If you haven't already, come subscribe to my blog, that's where it's happening! Subscribe HERE.     Read more...

Like Mother, Like Daughter

One thing about being a mother that never ceases to amaze me is how our kids are always watching us. Always. Their antenna is always on and picking up signals from us. Forget Mommy, I'm thinking it would be more helpful is they just called me RM. No, not Rivka Malka, that's RM for Role Model! At least that way I could remember my job here! This point was driven home to me just the other day. Since we rebooted out house, I cleaned off the front of the fridge. After I took down old A+ spelling tests and a few nice pictures I hung up a sign with some of my recent favorites. "The purpose of life is to overcome negative character traits." "The things you take for granted are the things other people are praying for." "Some people are so poor all they have is money." "I don't want to spoil the ending... but everything is going to be ok." And a few more. This Shabbos, as our guests were in the kitchen I saw one of them perusing our fridge art and we began talking about the quotes. I was saying how words are so powerful - and how I love surrounding myself with messages... (Side note - the BEST place for a positive message is the bathroom. It's like subliminal advertising. Here's the one that I grew up with: The time to be happy is now. The place to be happy is here. The way to be happy is to make others so."< I used to ponder that, wondering why the bathroom was the place to be happy! But eventually it sunk in. I'll put our bathroom poem at the end of this poem.) Anyway, on Saturday night, Neshama was coloring and she proudly handed me her art. There painstakingly written, was the following quote ( from my dear daughter who has struggled mightily in school.) "The only failure is failure to try." And then on another page "You can do it!" "Life is good!" I was stunned, delighted, "Neshama what is this? Where did you get these great quotes? What a great idea!" She answered "I heard you saying that you like quotes...." So there you have it - My quotes had been up but ONE day and she already picked it up, eager to learn from me. Neshama is only 9. Her learning is still straightforward (just ask her how she feels about juicing, she's heard me talk about it so much, she sounds like a spokeswoman) but don't be fooled. My older kids are learning too. All our kids are. They're watching with wide open eyes, how we handle stress, spills and upsets. They're watching how we respond to a phone call we're not in the mood for or to a person in need, and most of all they're watching how we treat our spouses and our own parents. So go ahead - call yourself RM,I won't mind. It's true, you are RM - embrace it - and USE it. When you're not feeling like being on your best behavior, remember those eyes on you. And when you are doing wonderful things, know that your kids see that too and just like you're awesome, they will be too! ----------------------------------------- Outside my window a new day I see And only I can determine what kind it will be It can be busy and sunny and laughing and gay Or boring and cold, unhappy and grey My own state of mind is the determining key For I am only the person I let myself ne I can be thoughtful and do all I can to help Or be selfish and just think of myself I can enjoy what I do and make it seem fun Or gripe and complain and make it hard on someone I can be patient with those who don’t understand Or belittle and hurt them as much as I can But I have faith in myself and believe what I say And I intend to make the most of TODAY! Read more...

Preparing for Rosh Hashanah | Preparing for the High Holy Days

This video about preparing for Rosh Hashanah was posted a week ago. Now it is one week closer to Rosh Hashanah. In fact, tonight, as I write this we are less than a week away.  The month before Rosh Hashana is called Elul. Its a time to prepare for the Day of Judgment. Even though its a matter of life and death we can somehow we get overwhelmed and let it pass up by.  We're just like that. The daily- ness of life obscures it's preciousness. If you feel like Elul is passing you by, you're in good company- but it's not too late! PS Because I am posting this video so close to Rosh Hashanah, I am also including some gems about preparing for Rosh Hashanah wisdom from my coach, R' Aryh Nivin. As a special treat he gave a free recorded talk/sermon about preparing for Rosh Hashanah.

Preparing for Rosh Hashanah

"Rosh Hashanah is the DNA of the year. Everything that happens to us that day determines what our year will be like. But what about if we wake up in a bad mood, if things go wrong? What we're talking about here is not our external experience, its about how we relate internally to our external circumstance. Its the Day of Essence. What matters is your internal response. This is the secret of life. The externals of life have nothing to do with you. Its about about your effort. This is transcendence." -Rabbi Nivin   "The essence of Rosh Hashana is to strip away everything you have. I am not (enter name) who does this( enter job). I have nothing. It's all being decided now. As it says, He who enters Rosh Hashanah poor will end the year rich." Start out with nothing but the primal scream, the Shofar, the deepest desire to connect to Hashem. " -Rabbi Nivin " We live in something called the Time Continuum. But in fact, its all an illusion. There's no actual continuation from one second to the next. We need to be able to timeless- to step out of time and see our story and rewrite the script. In order to truly be in Rosh Hashanah we need to step out of time and get off the train." - Rabbi Nivin "Thirty days before Rosh Hashana, the illumination of the Yom Tov is already streaming down to us. All of Elul is code. It's G-d telling us what we need to know for next year. Pay attention. Everything that happens to you is information. It's a time - not to think about what is, but what can be. Its a time to dream and invent and open every door of possibility." -Rabbi Nivin To access the full recording  about preparing for Rosh Hashanah- available for the month of September call: 605-562-3149 Access code 333039# Watch my video about preparing for Rosh Hashanah below: https://youtu.be/iUq29H_Ljdo Read more...

I Am a Jew and I Stand with Israel

I am a Jew and today I am coming out of hiding. I am a Jew and today I pull off my garb of polite concern and reveal the heart that beats beneath. I am a Jew and today I will speak my truth. In a world where everyone has an opinion and connection is often obscured by the sound of clashing voices I have always taken a stand; “Be a lover, not a fighter.” And though they may not phrase it exactly like that, many of my friends and fellow Jewish leaders choose the same. We have sought to make an impact, spreading light – by teaching Torah in ways that people can hear it. Our goal is to offer truth and clarity so that we can improve the lives of our fellows. For me that meant an unspoken rule – stay away from politics. And if I’m really honest, what it meant was, don’t talk about Israel. How can a Jew not talk about Israel? Why would someone in Jewish leadership leave out one of the most central components of Judasim? Why would I hold back from being honest about what is dear to me? Why would I hold back from speaking out in the name of my people whose blood is being shed – when my own relative in Israel landed up in the hospital last week - she was eating lunch at a cafe when the stones were hurtled at her face. Why? Because I was scared.  Anti Israel voices stand ready to lunge, brainwashed by the media, fueled by irrational arguments like a loaded cannon. And when I would step out and put anything on Facebook about terror attacks in Israel, they would fire. BAM!BAM! BAM! ATTACK! ATTACK!ATTACK! Ridiculous, vociferous and virulent. Against the people that I love. So I stopped. I said to myself, “I don’t want to subject the People of Israel to more hate. I can’t post about the daily atrocities because I will be adding fuel to the fire. “ I rationalized, "If I post things that people don't like, they won't be open to hearing my message. I will just cause controversy." I ran away from the truth.  I didn't want to rock the boat and so I chose love as my best defense. But I was wrong. Because being a lover doesn’t mean to not ruffle any feathers. To be a lover means to stand by your loved one’s side and not let go no matter what. Even when it causes mockery, even when it’s misconstrued, even when you pay a price. Today I admit that I was a coward – shamed into silence by those same people who are killing my friends; Frightened into political correctness by a blind and biased world. My unpublished articles and unposted videos give testimony to my fear. “Stay clear of the topic, just keeping spreading light” I thought - But light equals truth and the truth needs to be spoken. Today I will tell you in clear and unafraid words where I stand. I stand with Israel. And today I will invite you, Jew or non-Jew to take an unabashed stand with me. Be courageous, think for yourself and see what’s going on! I cannot spend another minute in silence while families are gunned down and women are knifed in the back screaming for help while Arabs nearby watch calmly drinking a cup of coffee. I cannot be quiet when fireworks are shot in celebratory parties after Arabs kill both the mother and father of the Henkin family and were saddened that they didn't get to kill their four kids as well. I cannot be quiet when one week later a baby is born and proudly named after the terrorist who shot them. I cannot be quiet when young men are kidnapped and murdered and deadly missiles are shot into towns and parents worry about sending their kids to school. I am not here to educate you. If you are willing to be honest you will find the answers. But be prepared. The distortions and silence of Western media will disturb you. The insane irrational hatred of the Arabs will unnerve you. The truth of what is going on will rock your world. Good and Evil are at war here. Choose your side. I am a Jew. I am proud. I stand with Israel. Click HERE  to stand with Israel. To Get Educated Start HERE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ORAM-usqhQ https://youtu.be/Av1-yWX1TmI https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P9iTvYfnNyg https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGlleHxVDZk   https://youtu.be/UdvJSdynMTk Read more...

A Succos Movie You Will Love!

It's almost the end of the holiday of Succos and tonight we sat down to our annual Ushpizin movie. Ushpizin is a movie unlike any other that you've seen before. Set in Jerusalem ( yes, its in Hebrew with subtitles but trust me, it's worth it) its the story of a Hasidic childless penniless couple  full of humanity and overflowing with raw faith. The actors are actually Hasidim and the husband and wife portrayed are actually husband and wife. There are tons of cultural references but it all makes sense in a glorious way. ( And it's a great authentic Jewish education!) It's hard to describe how escaped convicts and a fruit play a major role in the movie and how you find yourself crying and laughing all at once. It's even harder to describe how clear all of life is after you see it. It's like a heart explosion! All of the teachings that are woven into the movie are Breslov. So if you fall in love with it as I did and are curious about more, you can check out this Breslov blog. In the meantime settle in, for a totally guilt free movie night and when you're done, share it with your friends! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UgiCDDGdnv4   Read more...

More Thoughts on Authenticity

The dangers of Inauthenticity. Authenticity means being real with where you're at, not trying to act the part of where you wish you would be. Just because something seems right on paper doesn't mean it's right for you. You see this a lot with people who become religious. Their head knows that Read more...