I Met Unconditional Love

    ..."In your minds eye, see the door at the end of the hallway. You want to go through it. It beckons you. Walk through the doorway. See that it leads to a set of stairs. You decide to go down the staircase. down, down, there, you find yourself at a beautiful landing. Look around, appreciate the wonder, feel the air and get a sense of the beauty there. Now go down deeper, down the next step of stairs, and there you find an exquisite place. the scenery is breathtaking, the air gives you comfort. Everything is beautiful. Ask to be shown what it is you need to know.... Back on my couch with Esther Wiener; doing work that I began to help a child of mine who is struggling. After all, mother and daughter are connected, and my daughter's healing has very much to do with me. She began with something I can only call a hypnosis. I went down so deep I didn't feel my body. Time and space contracted, until all that was real was what I saw in my mind's eye. And so I stood there, in that scene with the rolling hills and the warm wind and I asked, "Show me what I need to see." In truth, I didn't really need to ask, because when I went down, it was already there - the whole scene playing out before me. A scene from my happy childhood. Only in this scene I wasn't happy. I was very sad. I watched my little self with a kind of compassionate awareness. "Off to the side, you see a bench, and someone is on it. Someone very wise, who you can ask all your questions to.  You go over to the bench and sit beside them to ask, to unburden." I walked over to the being, a gentle being, and I had a sense that it was there just for me. I felt the pain unleash. "Why?" Why did it have to be this way?" "They knew no other way." "But it caused me so much pain! It hurt so much!" "Yes, childhood has its pains. All childhoods do. You needed that pain." "I did?" "So now you can help others to not experience it." Lightness. Clarity. - It wasn't just because, it was for a reason. And I had a  mission. I had a message to bring to people! I felt released from years of weight. All anger dissipated. I was so buoyant that I turned around and began to fly away to begin my mission. In the background I heard Esther say "... Thank the being for all that its taught you and then  begin on your way." I turned around embarrassed."I didn't even thank you! [I was just ready to take the gift you gave me and run with it!] What's your name?" "Its okay, I understand you meant well, you were excited to do good. "My name is Unconditional Love." For a moment, the earth stood still. Then the waves came. They knocked me over with their brilliant clarity, their rightness, my smallness. Everything I understood up until that point was nothing. Life as it  seemed wasn't even the surface of the surface of reality. It was maybe a shell, or rather a husk, easily blown away to reveal its true essence. Love. unconditional love. Even in my subconscious I knew I hadn't met G-d . You can't meet G-d - or can you? It suddenly seemed possible. After all, what's the sunlight? What's are trees? What are children? What are tears? What are friendships and struggles and breathe itself. It's all G-d. It's all Hashem, pouring abundant, endless, unconditional, compassionate love on every single thing, down to the smallest blade of grass peeking out from the crack in the sidewalk. And the mitzvos, they're also love. Keys  to the secret of happiness. A gift. A treasure. And then, it wasn't  a being anymore, not a beard or a robe - even that was a husk. There was light, only brilliant light. And I knew that the Light wanted me, us, to take that love, fill up with it and overflow with it to the world. Reflect it. Copy it. Shine with it. Enjoy it. Be it. When I came back up, back to my fingers and toes, back to my couch, I had a sense of connection that I've been carrying with me since. ----------------------------- Is a blog a place to share this - the deepest depths of my thoughts? I don't think so. But what else can I do? I can speak philosophy and quote verses that say "Just as G-d is merciful, you be merciful." and many more. It's all in the Torah, none of this is new. But I found out today that it's all in us too. I need to tell you that it's not about religion, its reality! And I need to share that with you. There's so much love being showered down on all of us every moment, and my heart tells me "Yell it on the mountains!" Tell the world! The love brings comfort. The love gives us strength. You are loved. You are seen. You are seen. That's all I have to say. That's all I can say. I hope you feel the rest. G-d bless the world - no exceptions. Read more...

The Three Weeks

  Tomorrow is the 17th of Tammuz in the Jewish (lunar) calendar. If this day hasn’t been on your radar before, don’t feel bad. Today’s a great day to learn about it so you can enter tomorrow prepared. The 17th of Tammuz is a fast day that commemorates 5 tragedies that befell the Jewish people. I won’t go into them in detail you can look up the 17th of Tammuz for more in depth info. It can be hard to relate to Jewish holidays and fasts. In fact, the less you know, the more ridiculous they sound - the more you know – the more meaningful they become. So let’s just look at one of the tragedies – the one that started it all; the breaking of the Tablets (that held the Ten Commandments.) The Story After the Jews received the Torah on Mt Sinai – Moses ascended the mountain and promised that he would be back in 40 days. On the 40th day the people waited anxiously for him, but he didn’t appear. They didn’t know that he would return after 40 full days (not the 40th day.) They panicked, they despaired. They thought, “After years of being slaves, we finally have a leader and now he’s taken from us!” At the advice of a few rebel rousers, they made a golden calf – a replacement leader - an idol that they worshiped with song and dance and celebration. Moses came down from the mountain carrying the Tablets. When he saw what was going on, he smashed the Tablets. And that horrible day was branded on our history forever. Since then, many tragedies have happened on the 17th of Tammuz. As a matter of fact it marks the beginning of the Three Weeks leading up to Tisha B’av, the saddest day on the Jewish calendar. What’s with the sadness? Last night I was at a wedding. I danced for hours straight – the music was amazing. And I said to my friend who was there – “When I dance, I feel like I’m shaking off the sadness.” She put her arm around me and gave me a sympathetic look. I said, “It’s ok, nothing’s wrong, I’m not sadder than anyone else. It’s just part of life as we know it. The Neshama, our souls are in exile here. I dance it off and connect to something higher.” There’s an existential sadness – there’s a part of us, the spiritual part that can’t find comfort in this world. It’s displaced, it’s yearning; it’s trying to make sense of things that don’t make sense in a world that doesn’t make sense. There was a time when we got the Torah and it all made sense. We heard the voice of G-d , we knew our mission, it was clear as day and it DID make sense. No more slavery, no more wandering, just TRUST and being held by the knowledge that we were rescued, cared for and important. G-d whisked us out of Egypt and were were sworn to him forever. And then, in a matter of moments we lost it. A little uncertainty, a little confusion and it was as if we never had that clarity to begin with. Moses was “late” and we couldn’t handle it. We plunged headfirst into exile. Headfirst, into a world of make believe comfort – a piece of metal could replace a living breathing human being who sacrificed for us? A shiny hunk of junk could replace the glowing iridescent words of the holiness on the mountain? We acted like a child running from its mother's arms and into the hands of a stranger for a piece of candy. That is really, really sad. And it’s never been quite the same. We still have the impulse to run. We run away from prayer, we run away from spiritual pursuits – they’re just not cool. A shiny calf – now that’s cool. Most of all we run away from intimacy. While we called Moses “Our leader”, we weren’t really intimately connected with him. We still saw him as someone who was above us, someone who was pushing us to be better – someone who didn’t really get us. (Just look as the verses about how the Jews complained in the desert.) And when we thought he let us down for even less than a day – it all fell apart. We lost faith in him and betrayed him. How often do we do that? We’re in a relationship with a person and they show up late – and we judge them. Or even after ten years of friendship, when we hear that someone gossiped about us, we immediately get angry and write them off. Or how about when a sibling starts acting weird or an uncle refuses a loan? After years of so called relationship, we have the ability to get furious, disconnect and completely lose faith in them. That’s not intimacy. Intimacy in knowing that me and you are one and the same. We didn’t get to choose our life circumstance – we have all just arrived here and are doing our imperfect best. Intimacy is the deep knowledge that you and I are connected even if you disappoint me, even if you’re late coming down the mountain. I don’t stay in my little world of “I’m so mad” or “he just bugs me.” I join the circle of light that we’re all connected to – I stand there and I wait patiently. Under that light of connectedness, I may find something new there about you that helps me understand. Or maybe I’ll find out something about myself, that humbles me and lets my anger melt into self-awareness. The Three Weeks are not simply about being sad – they’re about building relationships. The Temple that we mourn ( the focal point of Tisha Ba’v) was destroyed because people didn’t treat each other right –and it all started with the breaking of the Tablets. But we can fix this. We can bring our souls out of exile, our world back to order and our people back to unity. We try every day, but tomorrow is the day we start putting in extra effort. We can heal the world through love. WE CAN HEAL THE WORLD THOUGH LOVE. I invite you to join me over the next three weeks, I’ll be posting suggestions deeper intimacy and loving in our relationships. Take Care, Rivka Malka Read more...

What about single women? Do they Matter?

Coming up next week on Jan 4 is the Art of Womanhood Workshop. The  response has been awesome. Over 50 women have signed up. But one woman was not so happy. Here's what she wrote. 

Hi RM! Sorry to bother you erev yontif, but after watching your YouTube video about the women's conference I found myself grumbling internally. I have an issue which I have brought up to Rabbis and teachers alike, many times over. 

There are countless places out there that strive to help Jewish wives and mothers be the very best Jewish wives and mothers they can be, but there is so very little out there for those of us already struggling with singlehood. No one teaches us in HS or seminary how to be a great Jewish woman sans husband or children.

We are all taught that the role of a Jewish woman is defined by the home that she builds. But what happens when G-d doesn't bless us with the gifts we dream of? What and who are we supposed to be?

I am not bitter and angry, but I am admittedly frustrated. There is no guidance for those of us who are not married. What defines US as Jewish women? Who are WE supposed to be?

I bring this up only in the hopes that perhaps one day a class might be given to help women who don't fit into the traditional box, and they too can be taught that as Jewish women they still have value as well.

Love,

Beth Goldsammler.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Beth, Holy cow! OF course they have value!! THIS is why I am making this workshop. We need to open up the conversation and talk about what it means to be a woman. Period. How ridiculous is it that we could think that the only way to serve Hashem is to be married. If God wants a person married, He can make that happen. In the meantime its such a shame that so many women are feeling less than, like they are in the Game of Waiting instead of the Game of Life.

Just to be sure I'm on the right track, after I got your message I asked my Rabbi that simple question "What is the role of the single Jewish woman?"

He answered without skipping a beat "To light up the world with her gifts."

That is what The Art of Womanhood Workshop is about. Accessing your gifts, loving your gifts and using your gifts in pleasure and balance for an amazing life.This is for all of us.

So why is my video focused on married women?

When I started promoting the class I got scared. I knew that this class would help all women, no matter what station of life they are at. I know it and that's why I created it. But then I panicked. I said to myself " I'm coming from the perspective of a married woman. Even if my heart is in the right place, can I really relate on the level of experience to someone who is journeying through womanhood single?" I imagined women out there feeling like maybe I don't understand them. Or examples of stories that they would have loved to hear but I didn't have to share. So I started marketing with the married woman in mind. I let fear get to me.

However, since your message I have been doing some thinking. The last thing thing I want is to only speak to married women. I love being married and my next class may just be The Art of Marriage. But that's not what this is. THIS is The Art of Womanhood.

We women need to be there for each other, celebrate each other! At my retreat we had single women, married women, divorced women, women with no kids, women with ten kids, Jewish women and non Jewish women. We had women struggling with overeating and women struggling with undereating. We had women who were artists, singers, dancers, painters, hospice workers, coaches, doulas, teachers, volunteers, therapists and clothing designers.

We had women in relationship, looking for relationship and done with relationship.

People are people.

But guess what, Beth,  This all got me thinking. It would be great to have another ( and unmarried) perspective on the class with us. In every different life space different things resonate. So I invited my dear friend RT Schwebel as a guest on the class together with me. Do you remember RT? She was in the video on Dressing Your Truth together with me. She's authentic and wise and she'll be sharing her voice as a strong, vibrant single woman.

Thanks to your honest question, this workshop just got even better. I'm excited to reach as many people as possible! There is energy in this work. It's important! It's our future. WE are our future. This is not about women who are needy or downtrodden. This is about women who want to live even more deeply in full expression, enjoying life in pleasure and balance and creating their happiness at a whole new level.

Please share the class info with your friends. We are changing the conversation!

This is the Art of Womanhood!

Join today!!

  Read more...

What about single women? Do they Matter?

Coming up next week on Jan 4 is the Art of Womanhood Workshop. The workshop  has had a great response. But one woman was NOT so happy. This is a message that I received on Friday ... and this is the answer:

Hi RM! Sorry to bother you erev yontif, but after watching your YouTube video about the women's conference I found myself grumbling internally. I have an issue which I have brought up to Rabbis and teachers alike, many times over. 

There are countless places out there that strive to help Jewish wives and mothers be the very best Jewish wives and mothers they can be, but there is so very little out there for those of us already struggling with singlehood. No one teaches us in HS or seminary how to be a great Jewish woman sans husband or children.

We are all taught that the role of a Jewish woman is defined by the home that she builds... and I believe in that paradigm one hundred percent. But what happens when G-d doesn't bless us with the gifts we dream of? What and who are we supposed to be?? I am not bitter and angry, but I am admittedly frustrated....

JOIN THE ART OF WOMANHOOD TODAY!

from RivkaMalka.com http://ift.tt/1OUuB8A

Can G-d Grow Bread On Trees?

[Lech Lecha  are the words that were told to Abraham. "Lech lecha, go to yourself'' when G-d sent him on a journey into the unknown. We read it not only as go to yourself, but, despite the hardship, go for yourself, for your own benefit.] https://youtu.be/d8WrShnKTWY It’s been a long time since I sat down to write. These past few months I couldn’t write b/c I have just been  a great big bread machine. Ingredients are being added into the machine daily. Job changes, a child suffering with depression, a child working out their faith, and myself working to be there for everyone while still juggling my out of the home responsibilities.           It’s whirring, this machine that I am. Mixing, striving - sometimes leaking heartfelt tears. I haven’t written, I suppose because I am very busy. I’m busy processing, kneading the dough, praying it comes out good. And sometimes not praying -sometimes just surviving. There have been times over the last few months where I’ve been tempted to dump out the contents, let the runny mixture spill out and show everyone “look what I’m making” But I can’t. The ingredients aren’t all mine. The struggles and stories belong to people I love. And  they’re counting on me to hold it together – to produce something beautiful. To make sure that their contribution to my pain is used like yeast - despite it's awful smell and appearance - to grow us. I’m looking forward to the freshly baked blessing that will come from all of this. I know they’re there. But at the same time, I know – though sometimes my heart forgets, that this struggle – this very meeting, appointment, stress, upset, worry is also the blessing. Is it too hard for G-d to grow bread from trees? He grows apples, oranges, mangos, bananas, melons, kiwis, papyas… where should I stop? It’s not hard for Him to grow bread from trees. And yet, the staff of life – man’s most influential food is processed. It’s threshed and winnowed and beaten and crushed and ground and mixed and pummeled then baked on high heat until, at last, its bread. We’re supposed to be a work in progress. Every step has a purpose. Every stage is towards a goal. And in the same way that each step has its measure – too high heat will make the bread burn -  each step of the struggle has been given to us in it’s exact amount. There’s nothing arbitrary. This is all perfect, it just hurts. I’m still me, doing all the things I love –  I’m just a quieter version right now.  I’ve moved out of the teacher's desk and into the student's place and Life is in the classroom teaching whatever I’m willing to learn. Read more...

Who is Actually Disabled?

 

Hanging Succah decorations

  This week in the Jewish calender it's the holiday of Succos - a time where we build something akin to  a hut and spend a week  there, (having our meas there, often sleeping there and generally spending time in it's holy walls)  both grounding our inspiration from the High Holidays while simultaneously creating a cocoon of spirituality to nurture us for the upcoming year. We call it a Honeymoon with G-d. This Succos we've had amazing meals, guests, and songs. At one meal we shared stories. Just before dessert, our friend Phil said "Did I ever tell you the story of my friend Matthew?"   Mathew was an only child and so he was like a third sibling to me and my brother. Our moms were friends and we grew up together. Mathew is shorter than average - although in his 20's he's only 4' 2". He's had multiple surgeries and struggles and he's the most incredible person I know. When  I needed to write down a list of people in my life who affected me, my friend Matt was on the top of the list. Matt is a huge Ravens fan, and one day last year, as it neared the Superbowl season Matt  found himself up earlier then usual. Spontaneously,in a generous stroke,  he penned a letter to the Ravens. It was a letter of encouragement where he shared his story and his strength. He sent it off to the standard contact info that was on the Raven's site. He had no idea what would become of it - he just wanted to put out a good word. Well, imagine his surprise when he got an email back from  the head of the Ravens! The coach said he had read the letter to all the players and it gave them  a tremendous boost. Next he received comments from various players. He was the hero of his heroes! Matt was invited to visit the players and to speak his great words directly to them - and the Ravens won the Superbowl! I'm not saying anything, but the Ravens continued to win from then on! Recently, just about a month ago Matt got signed with Leading Authorities. They're a speaking agency that's comprised of some of the TOP speakers today (among them Mitt Romney - to give you an idea). [I think that's his audition in the video]                                                                                                                      We're only limited by the belief that we have in ourselves. Every man, woman and child is a the expert on their life. And in that expertise we each have a unique wisdom to share . You always win by giving. Just keep on giving. Keep putting good words and deeds out there. Being yourself is enough. Stop comparing yourself to others. The exact person the world needs is YOU. The Only Disability is a Bad Attitude!

Can you share with me? What did this story and/or  speech mean to you?

 You can hear more of Matt ( a nice Jewish boy!) here.   Read more...

The Best Tichel Ever!

Its pretty ironic that Jessie and I met at a wedding. You see, awhile ago when I first started wearing tichels, I had my little guidelines. I used to say " I love to wear tichels, but  for special occasions I wear a beautiful wig." And that's what I did. But I started to notice that every time I would see that one woman- whoever it was, wearing her tichel at wedding, I"d be  drawn to her. A tichel can do that. It can strip away so much excess that the person's soul shines with transparency. After a few years of holding on to the last bits of my old ideas about beauty I gave in. I started wearing my tichels proudly for every occasion. So that's where I met Jessi; at my nieces wedding with a velvet tichel on my head. She was engaged at the time and she said to me  "I want to wear those!" And that's how our friendship began! https://youtu.be/MFZgkOx-EBw     Read more...

Video - Insane! Part 2 "Holy Feminine Energy"

Can wearing a tichel improve your relationship? Jessie shares her experience with covering her hair. https://youtu.be/m-oheVydpqM Read more...

Tying The Perfect Tichel Part 1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICC1pQzrM0E       Hey, I always thought my name was Rivka Malka. But a while back I caught on that to a whole bunch of people, I'm simply "The Tichel Lady." I've been covering my head with tichels (headscarves) for about 15 years now and truthfully I'm just as crazy about them as I always was. This is a great hint for my birthday present - ahem! Being a proud Jewish woman I feel joyful, strong, happy and grateful. The vibrant colors I love to wear are a celebration of a Torah life. Knowing what G-d wants from me and basking in His love are an incredible gift! There are 9 videos in this series so stay tuned for more as they're released.     Read more...

Dear Diary,

  Dear Diary, Dearest Blog Friends, Universe and Me, It's been a long time (again!) since I've written and we have SO much to catch up on! I'm posting pictures here of the last few months!

Boating, Perlman style!

This past summer, you remember, was the summer of humbling heartache. My kids were struggling, my husband's job ended and I was generally just treading water. BUT, do you remember just a bit before then, that I went to Israel? I went as a leader on The Akiva Trip with 40  young adults. I don't know if I told you but on that trip I prayed like never before. The tears came easily and I was at that beautiful place we call Surrender. I'm powerless, I need help. Guess what, and I'm not joking here, my prayers were answered! I look back to that time and wow, we're in a completely different life space. When I got home from Israel things got a lot worse before they got better. (If you don't remember, click here)   But better they got. My child with depression had their meds changed and is now accessing a host of new opportunities that we never would have pursued before.Thank G-d! I've come to see that life is not about a destination. It's about the journey. And on  this journey we're in a better place. It's not all "cured" but cured is not the

Bezalel and Neshama at our favorite horse farm

point. The point is movement, growth and love. I remind myself of this every day. My child who had issues with faith is in a (Jewish) school where they give massive amounts of love along with massive amounts of space. They really see the whole child It's  actually really interesting . They ask very little of the guys, but they offer a great program.  The premise is that after a while , it becomes less fun spacing out on your Ipod then joining a class and feeling good about yourself. That combined with positive peer pressure ( older guys who are enjoying) makes it an environment ripe for success. By the time the kids graduate, they are stars - exuding confidence, skills and an authentic exuberance for their faith. They also encourage the kids to use their individual gifts. So my son is taking Parkour (sponsered by the school) which is his passion. My youngest daughter was diagnosed with pretty severe dyslexia  - this is one of our latest challenges. School is so hard for her that she often comes home angry and tremendously frustrated. This, from a child who is hands down, the most brilliant, spiritual, intuitive, expressive child I've ever met. The school we would want to send her to is upwards of $30,000 so that's not really an option. In the meantime we are discovering - did I say we? G-d is literally throwing great information right into our laps - many other resources to help her.

Sat night painting

My husband has started  life coaching again which he trained for a while back. He's an extraordinary coach. I can't get over how good he is at what he does! The idea behind Life Coaching is that a person has all their answers already inside of them. The coach asks powerful questions (my favorite - "What are you tolerating?" Omg, that could be a whole post in itself!) and  helps a person clarify and move forward in their goals, and in their life. I really want to write more about all this, but he'll do a much better job - in an upcoming post.  

On her way to Israel

My oldest daughter is in Israel for her post high school year. She is blossoming there and is so happy! I can't wait to see her when I go. I also really miss her. She's one of those people that is a total pleasure to have around. You feel gifted by her presence. (And women my age tell me they want to be her friend!)   I got off healthy eating for a while and now I'm finally back on. I LOVED the juicing and it was in my routine  for a long time. It was a life changer. About a month and a half ago we lost a critical piece of the juicer and my eating went downhill. It really affected me. I'm physically  drained when I don't eat well and emotionally I feel out of control, and a nagging sense of self loathing appears.  It took me a long time to recognize it (even though I kind of know it by now) and when I cleaned up my eating, wow, I feel so much better! So, sugar out - vegi's in! I actually think that  ties in to why I wasn't writing much.I just can't tune in to my inner voice when I'm crazy with the sugar.  

Andrea and I planning our new site

The biggest news is that Andrea Grinberg of Wrapunzel has moved around the corner from me! This is 100% a G-d thing! We met online, as you may remember, about a year ago. We both had blogs and we both had tichel tutorials. I'll tell you so much more about all that in a special behind the scenes Wrapunzel post. In the meantime, we're partners! Our store is set to open in January and we are handpicking the most gorgeous scarves for you! I think my tichel tying has gotten more creative since she's moved here. Definitely more intentional. And I made a wonderful friend!  

Another gift! my sister Devora came by for a surprise visit!

During these past few months I was also on a talk show, the radio and a national conference call and in the newspaper twice.  I didn't plan any of that.  But I was grateful, b/c during all these challenges I was in a place of needing a lot of reassurance. I felt like all these chances to share my thoughts and spread Torah were a sign of approval from G-d, "Go ahead, I like what you're doing."   And getting that approval even while knowing that I have so much to work on, was affirming. It reminded me once again, that G-d doesn't need us to be perfect. He thinks we're adorable with all our quirky weaknesses. He just wants us to hang in there and keep giving it our best shot. And sometimes we can be doing great in one area and really lousy in another. That's ok, its normal. We have a tendency to not give ourselves credit for the areas that we are achieving.

Speaking in the Succah at a WOW party

I have so much to share with you. If you've read this far though, at least we're on the same page. Thank you for sharing with me! Every day is a blessing.  Every day is a blessing. Every day is a blessing. Every day is a blessing! Love, Rivka Malka   Read more...

I Believe in Miracles!

https://youtu.be/_h03yne66y8 No words. I don't need to add one thing to this!! I LOVE IT!!!!! Let's celebrate! What's your miracle? Read more...

Shabbos In The ER

  And just when I was talking about things settling down... I spend Shabbos in the ER!   Everything is ok now, but my mind is just spinning with images and experiences of the last day. I  went in with my daughter  Thursday night and thought we'd be out earlier, but things were taking so long that as time marched on we knew we would be there for Shabbos. Once that reality set in, it was time to do what we could to get ready. I couldn't change my clothes, but I went into the bathroom, washed my face and retied my tichel in honor of Shabbos. I said to my daughter who was in her hospital gown, "What can you do?" She had the great idea to straighten out the room. So there we were, folding white sheets and throwing away plasticware from lunch trays with a little skip of joy in our hearts. I can't explain it, but I felt the Shabbos presence entering through those simple acts of preparation. I called my husband and asked him to light candles for me. Because as you know each person has their own light, and it needs to be lit every Shabbos. I remember a long time ago when I was rushing  late afternoon on Friday to get some antibiotics for one of our kids. There was traffic on the way home and as I was driving I saw all these men walking to shul. I had no idea if I'd made it in time. I was shaking. When I got home I was too scared to light candles because it may have been Shabbos already.  At the end, I didn't, but as is the custom of Jewish women, from then on I light an extra candle each week to make up for the light that was lost then - and as a reminder to how precious the mitzvah is. Anyway, back to our room. I left the tv on, which was not ideal in terms of the spirit of Shabbos but I felt was compassionate, considering we had no idea how long we'd be there. And in the meantime, we were given an awesome gift that no one was in the second bed that was in the room. So I drew the curtain between the beds and now we had the tv room and the Shabbos room. "Lets sing Shlom Alaichem to welcome Shabbos."At first she was a bit resistant, a little self conscious. But as we began to sing, a peace and perfection spread throughout the room. I will never forget it. We sang, we laughed and then we made a funny little kiddush in a Styrofoam cup with grape juice we had gotten from the special kosher room in the hospital. I had to go to  different part of the hospital to get our food. As I walked, angels appeared (in scrubs) and walked ahead of me opening the electric doors for me and pressing the call buttons when I needed it. I felt like I was floating through the halls, protected by Shabbos. I was. When I was finally given the go ahead to go home, it was 12:00 in the morning. They called a taxi for me (no driving on Shabbos, but you can get a ride if it's to help a sick person.) and I was pretty apprehensive about paying him. I would have to bring him into my house and have him take the money because we don't handle money on Shabbos. Something which I've done before, but not at 12:00 am. I decided to deal with one thing at a time and worry about it when the time came. Guess what! It turned out that the hospital had taken care of the bill with a voucher! But the night was not over yet. When I got home, the door was locked and the key that was hidden in the back was hidden too well considering it was the middle of the night.  So I climbed through the window, plopped belly first onto the waiting couch and was home! I got off the couch and looked around. It looked like a tornado had hit the house! There was clothes and crumbs and cereal boxes left on the table. My family had left town before Shabbos  ( my husband's sister is in from Israel and they had to catch her for the one Shabbos that she's here.) and thinking that I would be back before Shabbos we hadn't made any plans. Remember the special feeling that Shabbos prep gave the hospital room? Well, this was the exact opposite. I felt like I was stepping into a time warp. After a long day, having slept on chair the night before, my family away, my mind generally frazzled I did something I've never done before. I took a strong shot of whiskey and went to bed!!! At this point I should stop writing, because it's so long and so much happened that this post would be three times as long. But as you can see Shabbos had only just begun! There was SO much more! It may have looked like I was in the ER last night. But I was in Shabbos.                                                    *If you're not Shabbos observant I'll just give you a little bit of info that will help you to understand what this means. It means that when the sun set on Friday we would be entering a sacred space in time. The way honor and protect that space is by doing things which connect us to our inner selves and to our Creator and by not doing that which would inhibit that connection. All those weekday activities are a distraction and they give us the illusion that we're in control. (I must send this email!) On Shabbos we let go of creating the outer world and work on creating our inner world. Some quick Shabbos guidlines, no using electricity, no writing, no using money. Yes, to eating delicious Shabbos meals, reading etc.)     Read more...

Touch - and It's Magic

    This post is about an extraordinary night. If this happened all the time I wouldn't be writing about it. Like you, I'm generally in 6 places at once with barely enough time for basic life tasks. Please don't get the wrong idea - I'm not mom of the year - I'm just really grateful. There are no pictures in this post. No pictures because what I'm sharing is such a sacred private moment with my children that I almost can't bear to write about it. Yet here I am. I share this night with you - not to externalize a special moment, but to bring it into your consciousness, and maybe even into your homes. I was out tonight until past ten o'clock. When I got home four of the kids were still up. My high schooler was stressed out, the others were okay but they hadn't seen me all day and were feeling  it. We were talking, and I looked at my daughter and the exhaustion  in her eyes. Then from the  heavens  some words came out of my mouth. "You know what you need? You need a mud mask." "A mud mask?" She'd never had one. "I want one!" "Me too!" "Ok, go lay down on the couch..." I turned out the lights. "Levi, put on some spa music." And we began. After a minute of quiet, the kids started laughing and jostling. I sent them out. My throat clenched. Couldn't this just be a beautiful moment? I tried  to see their laughter as beautiful, but I knew my daughter needed the quiet. In a moment for which I'm forever grateful , I put away the words "If you're not quiet, you won't get a turn." And pulled out a grin so wide, I felt like a nursery school teacher; "Kids, lets give her a really special time!" I whispered. "Everybody out, and I'll call you in when it's your turn. And so we began - again.  One by one, I called the kids in, painted Ahava mud creme on their faces and had them lay very still as it dried. The cream was old, the music was from youtube - but it was all perfect. After I finished with their faces I gave the girls a henna tattoo, and the others hand and foot massages. One by one, they fell asleep. One by one, I fell in love again. One by one, I reclaimed the gift of touch. My child with depression had tears  twinkling in her eyes. Her emotions run deep and the touch set them free. Afterwards, I brought in a bowl of warm water and washed each of their faces. They stayed mostly asleep - eyes flickering open for a quick thank you. Bringing the washcloth over their faces was like taking care of a newborn for the first time. How long has it been since I've done that? Really tended to them? These kids are not babies, they're 11,12, 14 and 16. They can do things themselves. And yet, sometimes we all need a little more. Watching them sleep, they looked to me less like children, and more like weary warriors. They don't have the kind of carefree life that childhood once evoked. Never have mud- smeared faces looked so angelic. As with all giving, I know that as much as they got out of it I got more. They restored my spirit.                                                                                                             This post is not just about children and touch. Not long ago we had a girls night at WOW and I gave some girls henna tattoos while the guitar played. I love all my WOW girls, but  in those moments, when I painted henna on their arms, I grew to love them deeply. We bonded beyond words. We need touch. Healthy, nurturing, non sexual touch. Touch that reminds us that we are a treasure. When I was growing up, my grandfather would come with his gentle, strong hands and give me a  shoulder rub  while I sat waiting for the challah at the Shabbos table. So small a thing, and I only saw him twice a year, yet I can still feel his hands today. Men need touch too. In our synagogue, and in some parts of our community, men give a quick - or sometimes not quick hug in greeting. It's healthy, not weird. And a  shoulder rub never goes out of style. Married couples need it too. In a way that sets up no expectations for anything more. We're all  weary warriors in our own way. Try it, and watch what happens.                     Read more...

In Which I Quit My Job and Get a New One All At Once

**** This video appeared on Facebook and isn't linkable on the blog   So you saw the video. So what more can I add. Life is an amazing roller coaster. One day I'm in Israel praying under the stars for clarity, the next week I'm in Baltimore wincing my eyes from the flash of light I receive.       To be honest, I'm still in shock. I feel like the guy who retires at 70 and can't remember all the things he used to love. There's a whole range of emotions that go along with change. Part of me wants to revel in them. I want to feel every fear. I want to tell you about how I totally don't have it all worked out yet. But the other part of me doesn't want to go there. I've always been complex. That's' what I like to call it anyway. Loved ones used to call it over analyzing. Anyway, the temptation to analyze is there. But in another sense I know that I was given a huge gift. My prayers were answered on more levels than I can count and to fuss about it would be ungrateful. and even, I would say, a lack of faith. My faith tells me that I a baby in her mothers arms. I'm being carried. Things may look unfamiliar. (Help, where's the whole organization I helped to build?!) Things may be scary ( Who am I now?) But ultimately, they're awesome. My all time favorite story is of the boy who is riding on a horse and buggy with his father. They're taking a trip and the boy is sitting there in the wagon holding his suitcase on his lap. Father "Why don't you put the suitcase down?" Son " Because I want to help the horses." Needs no explanation. We don't have to "carry' whats already being carried. These crazy fears tickling my stomach are not even the real topic. Lets talk about the real topic for a minute. The real topic is motherhood. I'm looking forward to posting about all the magic little ways I'm getting my motherhood back. Today, I hung out in my 16 year old's room for 45 minutes! And before that I sat by my 8 year old for half an hour before bedtime. And guess what - I made dinner and I remembered to make my 12 year old her dermatologist appointment. I spoke to three of my sisters this week without needing to  jump off the phone because I had so much work piled up. I have a lot of relationships to catch up on. I realize that for most people reading this - not working is not even an option. For me, it wasn't either. But when it was time - it all worked out. That's how these things are. There's a spiritual timeline for everything. I was also doing the kind of work that wasn't an office job, it was  a 24/7 mission. I love my WOW people so much, I'll still be in touch with them - but the responsibility was huge. --------------------------------------------------------- Tonight my 8 year old was on a rant about school when I put her to bed. Right in the middle she stopped and I thought she conked out. Ten minutes later she pipes up. I said "Hu? I thought you were sleeping." "No, " she said, " I was davening (praying.)"  But then she said "But now I"m opening my eyes and my prayers aren't answered. I said "Neshama, prayers are like planting seeds. From the moment you plant them they begin to grow. It takes a while before you see all that growth on the surface, but its happening." It's happening.   And that's where Wrapunzel comes in. I began selling tichels a year ago.I knew people wanted them and I sold a lot from home. Women would come over to get help tying tichels, but it was just a small side passion. And now here we are and this amazing woman name Andrea moved around the corner and all the possibilities just fell into place. I love the work and I can give the kids all the time they need. I feel so free and grateful. In the next post I'll tell you all about how it got started Love, Rivka Malka             Read more...

How to Have Good Boundaries

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhtm_QIb49w There are some things you don't know unless you learn them the hard way. This is one of them. When you don't have good boundaries everything falls apart. Starting with you. Watch this video to see what I've learned about relationships and how to keep them healthy. Read more...

Purim Musings

    It's Purim! The sun is fading and the day is quieting down. All the bustling on the streets has been moved indoors where family and friends are ending the day with a festive meal and spilling the joy deep into to the night long after Purim is officially over. Last year we had a pie fight. My husband was sick and I was hosting a young professionals party. What can I say, the party needed some amping up. So I took the cream pie that was waiting for dessert and pied Jennifer. My kids followed suit and before you could yell "Stooooopppp!" Seven pies were being smashed and splattered over every inch of the house and on some very unhappy guests! It was epic! I wish I could say I felt bad, but honestly I had so much fun, that I didn't. This year (yes, if you've been following me, you'll notice that very little about this year is normal) I'm sick. My daughter Minky got strep throat this week as a 13th birthday present and I guess cuddling her in bed  Thursday night wasn't the best idea because I woke up sick too. So I've basically been alternating between staying in bed and falling asleep on the couch. So no pie fights this year, and no big parties. But laying low and keeping things on barely a simmer allowed me to see so much that I may have missed otherwise. My illness made me an observer instead of a participant - here are just a few things I saw. Last night, as the kids got into their costumes I saw how my 16 year old had used her own money to buy Minky a gorgeous mask. Minky had been sick and  was generally feeling miserable. Then her sister brought her in an exquisite mask and she lit up. At shul (synagogue) I walked in to a standing room only scene when I came to hear the Megilla, and watched as one by one, people got up to make room for someone older than them.And completely shifted spaces to make room for the woman who came in with a walker. It's an important Mitzvah (Torah commandment) to give charity on Purim. I saw the Rabbi holding a wad  of cash and checks that would make your eyes pop out. The money came from congregants who are not wealthy but who give what they can to help others. And the trust system is so implicit. On Purim day the Rabbi distributes it to wherever it is needed most. I  thought, this is such a simple thing, we take it for granted. The day was filled with a joyful sense of camaraderie. People filled the streets in ridiculous costumes,jumping out of cars, delivering gifts to neighbors, friends, the elderly and anyone else they passed by. I always marvel the contrast of Purim and Halloween - kids running around giving versus kids running around collecting for themselves. At different street corners someone thought of an ingenious idea and set up "volunteer tollbooths" manned by cute kids and their families collecting charity. And my neighbors set up as they always do, a stereo in the the street that played music all day long. This Purim we made sure that kids with disabilities who don't have a large peer group  - or anyone who is more isolated  - would receive shaloch manos from volunteers. Again and again, I got feedback from volunteers how much they enjoyed paying that visit and making a difference in someone's life. It's really a day of giving; an expression of our deep unity and brotherhood. It's hard to describe. To the outside eye, it may look like a street fair or similar festival. But the life of a Jew is so complex.         We're always laughing and crying at the same time. The past and the present mingle and there are no boundaries between the stories of our People nearby or far away. We celebrate our victory as much as we're aware that we hold onto it by a thread. As a matter of fact, we had to be extra careful to lock up before we went to hear the megilla because of the slew of targeted robberies and the Yeshiva boys that have gotten beaten up recently. Even as we celebrate that we triumphed over our enemies by the  grace of G-d, we know that right behind us there are more. Purim, like every other Jewish holiday is one big L'chaim - to Life! We may be misunderstood, beaten down, and as we speak, being chased out of the Ukraine and emptied out of France, but we live. We're here! We have every opportunity to give and to be grateful. And as long as we have life, we have something to be joyous about.           Read more...

Grandma

    Today is my Grandma's Yartzhiet ( anniversary of her death). In my earliest memories of Grandma, she already had early stage Alzheimers.  I loved her so much and still, I wonder about all the things I'll never know. There is history and stories that would bring more of her to light, but  today, even though it's barely a light sketch of the woman she was, I want to tell you my stories. The Grandma I was blessed to know. When I was younger, Grandma lived in her own apartment. My brother Ace and I would sleep over there once or twice a week. This kept her company and was a huge treat for us. We would sit in front of the TV - which we didn't have at home - and watch for hours. Grandma would be there with us. Just enjoying. Sometime in the middle of the evening she would say "Are you hungry? And she would fry us sliced potatoes and make us little plates of peeled apples. Funny how a slice of potato can taste so good when it's made just for you.I can still feel my mouth watering as I waited for the edges to turn brown and for her to lift them out one by one onto the waiting plate. Every Shabbos Grandma would come visit. She came from a more frugal era - and as a treat for the family she would bring ONE pack of Rollos. There were 9 of us, and there were 9 perfect Rollos . Ace and I would have long discussions about whether to freeze our Rollos before we ate it. We couldn't decide if it was best to wait, or to eat it right away. It was just a pack of Rollo's but it was every week. And that's the thing. You don't have to do a lot - you just have to do it - and that is a lot. The consistency of Grandma's gifts, the foods she made, like her cabbage soup - which I still make today, poured layers of love that cemented on our heart. The time came when Grandma couldn't live on her own anymore. She moved in with us for about two years. During that time my parents knocked themselves out to provide for her needs and care for her. I was at the awkward stage when she came; that age when you are self centered, yet self doubting and wondering why you don't fit in. And looking back, I can see that having Grandma in the house was my saving grace. On Friday nights, my mother would go to shul (synagogue) and instead of being the kid who didn't want to go - I got to be Grandma's caretaker. I would sit with her and sing her Shabbos songs, and hold her hand as she drifted off to sleep. After Shabbos we would make Havdala ( a farewell to Shabbos ceremony) and my mother would play the piano while we danced with Grandma and ushered in a new week. She loved the song "Oh, what a beautiful morning" and would sing it for years even after her Alzheimers was quite bad. One year her Alzheimer's saved us from a fire. It was Seder night and we went to bed at around 3 or 4 am. But Grandma wasn't sleepy. She wanted to walk the halls. My sister Shula got up to be with her and smelled smoke. We woke up and ran out of the house, the memories of our previous house fire coming back  full force. It turned out that there was a fire in the wall behind the oven which would have gotten much worse had we not smelled the smoke and taken care of it right away. When the time came for Grandma to go to a nursing home it was done with so much care and sensitivity that I'll never forget it. My parents researched the very best place they could find - but that wasn't enough. They knew that we would be devastated and feel like we were betraying her. So my mother arranged a meeting with the nursing home staff. All the children sat around the boardroom table and asked any questions we wanted. By the time our meeting was over we all felt pretty good (though I seem to remember that I still put up a bit of a fight.) After that we would visit her whenever we got a chance. All the nurses would marvel at how lovely and polite she was. While many other patients in their compromised state were cursing or getting angry, she was always pleasant and refined. Ace and I would drive our bikes 40 minutes and spend Sunday afternoon at the nursing home. Looking back, our actual visiting time was minimal. Perhaps we spent 20 minutes with her. After all, she wasn't well. But we were in her presence. We felt good - and we cheered up the other residents and knew that we were doing a mitzvah (good deed). This empowerment that our parents allowed us, along with the independence was a gift.                                                                                                                                              But all this is just a kid's perspective. If we were to fly on an eagles wings  with vision that stretched forward and backwards in time, we would see that the greatest testimony to the life of Sophie Klatzko is that it is impacting the world today. Grandma was a lonely widow with one son. She was a seamstress in the Depression Era. She never remarried and worked hard all her life to get by. Yet from her, are 9 grandkids, 2 adopted grandkids and over a hundred great grandkids all of whom are dedicated to Torah and kindness and building beautiful homes. It was said at her eulogy - when she gets up to the Next World, all these people will be greeting her and thanking her. She'll say in her signature humble way. "Why me? What did I do?" And they will answer "It was because of you,  through the work of your children, that our children have come back to their their Judaism." And the lonely widow will be lonely no more. Today, in honor of my Grandma, I will do a simple thing. I will work harder to be there for my family. In today's age where dishwashers do the dishes and microwaves cook the food, we end up concentrating on all the other things we need to work on. But there is nothing like a potato fried just for  you - or an apple sliced just how you like it. And there is nothing like knowing that the person you love will show up on time, every time.  And I'd like to try harder to be that person for my family - just like Grandma was for me. Grandma's Cabbage Soup This isn't Grandma's actual recipe - it's one that evolved over time. But I know that when I make it for my father, he ends up talking about his mother's soup. so it must be pretty similar. I also like easy recipes. so I paired it down to these simple ingredients and its perfect. In a large pot ( I think I use an 8 qt pot) 3 16 oz cans tomato sauce 1 to 1/2 cups of brown sugar 1 bag of shredded cabbage 2 tsp lemon juice 4 lb's beef cubes Water to fill the rest of the pot Bring to a  boil, then simmer until the meat is soft. Surprise  your loved ones.                                                       Read more...

Does Judaism Accept Converts?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQlj75nEdvE This video is the beginning of a conversation that I've been having with people around the world. There's a stirring for spirituality - and many people are asking about Judaism or are drawn to some Jewish practices. Here's just a bit of education  about the topic. Part 2 will be posted soon (already recorded) so just hang tight if you have questions. Or, better idea, ask me your questions and we can have a Part 3. Read more...

How to Convert To Judaism Part 2

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fe1Lg_Qf164 I said so much in this video I hate to add anything more! Please feel free to ask questions or post comments:) Read more...

[TODAY] Join the Fun!!

Hi Everyone, I'm writing to you from Monsey, New York where I have butterflies in my stomach from what is about to happen! In three hours I will be hosting a live telethon with my dear brother Benzion Klaztzko, founder of Shabbat.com! We'll be having musicians, games, inspirational speakers and Menorah lighting  - all day long! Here's the info and link to tune in. TODAY, Dec 6 12:0opm- 10:00pm on LIVEJUDAISM.COM Watch the videos below to get a taste of what's about to happen! PS Late breaking news! Our telethon is taking off! TORAHANYTIME.COM is streaming us!!! PPS Late, late breaking news!!!! HIDABROOT Israel is also carrying our show!!! PPS My stomach is settling down! Clearly G-d is loving this idea!!! Woo Hoo! Leave me a comment below and let me know if you'll be tuning in!!   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNfDsFLbtK8 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nylccxnqXm8 Read more...

[TODAY] Join the Fun!!

Hi Everyone, I'm writing to you from Monsey, New York where I have butterflies in my stomach from what is about to happen!

In three hours I will be hosting a live telethon with my dear brother Benzion Klaztzko, founder of Shabbat.com! We'll be having musicians, games, inspirational speakers and Menorah lighting  - all day long!

Here's the info and link to tune in. TODAY, Dec 6 12:0opm- 10:00pm on LIVEJUDAISM.COM

Watch the videos below to get a taste of what's about to happen!

PS Late breaking news! Our telethon is taking off! TORAHANYTIME.COM is streaming us!!!

PPS Late, late breaking news!!!! HIDABROOT Israel is also carrying our show!!!

PPS My stomach is settling down! Clearly G-d is loving this idea!!! Woo Hoo!

Leave me a comment below and let me know if you'll be tuning in!!

http://ift.tt/1RLCAKbClick on Read More to watch the videos!

The post [TODAY] Join the Fun!! appeared first on RivkaMalka.com.

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What if I Don't Believe in G-d?

I got to make this video with Ruthie Guggenheim. She is a no nonsense hero who has been chugging away sometimes single handedly at Jewish Education for decades. What an honor. Even though we're sitting Talk Show style there' s one thing different than a Talk Show. Well, actually there's a lot - no band, no commercials  and no audience (but you!) The main thing that's different though is that its completely unscripted. We were just both thinking of Amy or Sarah or whoever it is out in middle America who may be searching for her roots. And we thought - what would she need to know. And so our conversation began. The cool thing is - that I actually want to have a talk show. One Day. Wouldn't it be awesome to feature amazing people in meaningful conversation broadcasted everywhere?   Read more...

Neshama Learns about Hope

    Our eight year old Neshama is an angel. She's playful, spiritual, insightful and a tomboy. She's also dyslexic. This year has been beyond hard for her. Being left back in first grade means that the kids in her class are a year younger than her.  That's hard. and even with that reading hasn't gotten much easier for her. She has three weekly tutors (thank G-d they are all through special services!) [yay Jen Kaplan!] and she is still struggling. Midway though the year she began to get depressed. She would sneak away from the class, wander the hallways. For a good part of the school year she cried herself to sleep. When she would get really down she would cry in fits - "I only want to be in Israel!" Israel is the spiritual home of a Jew and the feeling that you get when you're there is peace and connectness in a way you can't get anywhere else. Even those who haven't been there,  know this. She would get mad at me and I would say to her, "Neshama, I can't help you. I want you to go to Israel so badly, but it's not something that I can make happen. Ask the  One who can." Again and again I told her and again and again she cried and prayed. Towards the end of the school year, she came home one day furious and miserable. She said "There was a raffle every single week this year. And two kids were chosen each week. The WHOLE year I never got picked. the whole year! And it's not fair. Other kids just got picked by luck but I davened (prayed) all the time that I would win and I didn't. She was miserable for hours. She wisely said "It doesn't matter what present you buy me. When you win the raffle, the whole class cheers and it's very special."   My heart broke for her. I am 100000% against raffles. Every winner means 30 losers. I had nothing to say. I simply said, "Sweetheart, the tefilloes (prayers) that you said still went somewhere. Every single one. And Hashem (G-d ) has a plan. You wanted to win the raffle. But He wants you to have something even better." I wasn't able to comfort her.  Parenting often means that you say things that  kids  don't understand  until they are twenty. But you've got to say them. One week later her prayers were answered. Just look at the video and see what happened!!!  And you heard her - she learned the lesson there is always hope!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CVBMMAcA8k   Meanwhile we have worked for a good part of the year to get her into an amazing school for Dyslexia. She got educational testing and psychological testing. We visited the school , we set up appointments and we just got word back that they have no room. They are fuller than ever. It's so easy to give up hope. How will this little girl go to school? How will she learn how to read? So now it's our turn, to pray and to hope and to believe that miracles are possible and to learn from this little lady to never lose hope. Read more...

Potatoes Saved Her Skin

 

I am still shaking. Today Neshama got burned. I'm sharing with you the details of what happened because this can genuinely save your life.

A hot pot of oil spilled on Neshama when she decided to add potatoes to our french fry cooker. No one was in the kitchen when the oil spilled but we heard the scream. I ran to her and ripped off her shirt. By the grace of G-d she was wearing  a sweatshirt which probably helped lessen the impact of the heat. My husband ran into the kitchen and we hoisted her into the sink and started spraying her with water. Hadassa ran upstairs "Should I get the potatoes?" "Yes!" I yelled.

A friend was in the house - he called an ambulance.

Neshama's entire chest was burned. It was red, about 6 inches across and 5 inches down. The burn faded by her midriff but there was a large area on her stomach that was burned too. Her hands were burned.

We continued spraying her with water and trying to soother her and then Hatzalah came. We sat her down and they assessed her. They quickly began putting in phone calls to get her to the Hopkins Burn Unit.

To understand what would happen we said. "What will they do for her there?"

They said "They'll debris her (rub off the dead skin so new skin can emerge) and cover her. "Ok"  we said, but we want to put potatoes on her first.

                                                                 

In Monsey, New York there is a woman who is a burn specialist. She has remedies and powders which she distributes so that anyone who needs help can get it. She is not a doctor and she is not a  nurse - I don't even know her story. But she has cracked the code to treating burns.

My sister in law Yaelli once got burned badly on her stomach and needed help from the Burn Lady.

She was told to grind potatoes (don't peel them)  and to make a pack and out it on her wound. She should wrap it with saran wrap to keep it there.

The potatoes work by drawing out the heat . Every few hours, change the potatoes.  Yaelli's  recovery was remarkable, with no scar. Since then we've used ground potatoes whenever someone gets burned. But we'd never dealt with a burn of this magnitude.

                                                                                    

So there we were in a dilemma. The EMTs were there ready to take Neshama to the hospital and we knew that it would be an hour before she got anything to help her besides pain meds and in the meantime her skin would be untreated. Could we really just send her?

I said, "Can we just use the potatoes first?" We'll just put it on her and then we'll go.

But they couldn't let. They didn't let. I don't blame them. It wasn't protocol.

They were stuck. We were stuck.

It was an excruciating moment.  We felt the weight of this little girl's well being in our hands. What should we do?

We looked at each other. "We'll do the potatoes and then we'll go."

"Get the refusal of consent forms."

It was a horrible feeling. Being that "irresponsible"parent. Yet knowing that we had to do what was right. I ran to the food processor. In a flash of adrenaline. I sliced potatoes and ran them through until they were all ground up. We brought her to the couch and laid her down on a robe. I began putting handfuls of potato mush all over her chest, her belly and her hands. The EMT's were gentlemen as they looked on, but I knew I looked crazy.

I couldn't care.

As I put on the cool potatoes Neshama got quiet.

The cool was a balm for her burning skin.

Meanwhile the EMT's were in and out of the house murmuring and talking on their phones.

Did they stall because they were nice or did it just take some time for them to be ready to leave?

All I know is that after I put the potatoes on. I said "We're ready to go (ourselves)  and Bezalel said "The ambulance said they'll  take us."

As they got her onto the stretcher, I ran back to the kitchen, and again, quicker than I've ever moved; gliding like in a dream state I ground more potatoes.

We got into the ambulance and my husband followed us in the car.

In the ambulance, halfway to the hospital, I gently scraped off some of the potatoes from her chest and I packed on a fresh layer. I told her to expect that the doctors would be annoyed by the mess but that it wan't personal.

Neshama looked like she had dirty wet sand clumped all over her. The potatoes were black  and grainy. To their credit no one at Hopkins said anything about it. And no one, not even the head burn nurse had heard of this remedy.

Because hospitals have paperwork etc Neshama was able to lay there with the potato remedy for a while longer. After about an hour they took her to the shower and washed her off.

What they saw amazed them. The Hopkins staff is unfortunately no stranger to grease burns and they knew what to expect. But what they got was totally different. Neshams' burn had shrunk to about 3-4 inches across and 1 1/2 inches wide. The burn on her belly was gone. the previously pink area was clean and white and only the most acute part remained. There she had blisters and a second degree burn.

Said the nurse  - just once - but she said it - "You made me a believer in potatoes."

The end of the story is how she got morphine and she got  debried and wrapped up and sent home. She will be okay.

But I keep having flashbacks. Not to her burn but to what if... What if we had not done the potato remedy because of protocol. She would have been in agony and she could have scarred. The burn would have been ten times worse. That Neshama is okay is an unbelievable gift from G-d and we owe all the credit to Him, and  the potatoes were the tool He used to help us.

[By way of illustration, even on the morphine, her hands still hurt b/c although they were dipped in the potato mush, they weren't there for long. Her first degree burns were hurting more than her second degree burns!]

I saw when we left the hospital that this was interesting to the staff.

Interesting like something you would mention over dinner. Not interesting like a breakthrough in science that could help thousands of people in pain.  But to me, it's critical information! How can people not have access to this knowledge? If it even helps one person, like it helped us it's worth it to share.

Tell your friends. Just have them store away this information and G-d willing they will never need it. But it they do, it will make a huge difference to them when they need it most.

                                                                        

Since this post went viral I called the burn lady myself to get first-hand information about how to do this remedy properly.  I am going to New York today and will be getting her line of powders and creams which help with wound care and scar prevention. I will let you know how they work.

**IMMEDIATE ACTION IS OF UTMOST IMPORTANCE**

1. Peel, wash and grind or grate potatoes.

2. Apply potatoes at least a half inch thick.

3. Cover with saran wrap to hold in place and then cover that with a paper towel to soak up leaking fluid. (I did not have to do this with Neshama because she was laying on her back and she wasn't moving.)

4. Change to fresh potatoes. (The second lot of potatoes can be left longer because the heat is not as intense as before.)

5. If you don't feel immediate relief, place a bag of ice cubes on top of the potatoes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I'm Disconnecting for About a Week

          Today I'm going camping. I think they call it glamping - as in "glamorous camping" because we'll be in cabins and have electricity. But I'll be away. This trip is epic because all 8 siblings from my husbands side and their families will be there. Were getting together from Israel, South Africa, NY and Baltimore for 4 days in the woods.  I know I'm really lucky - Thank you dear G-d for this trip. I'm so excited yet have a little anxiety about this trip - bringing along my one child who needs structure - when there will be none. And bringing along my child who needs space - and there will be none. And then there's me. I've been doing a lot of reading about ADD lately and self diagnosing a a bit. There are definite ADD streaks running through my family and my husbands family and recently my MIL gave me a book to read on the topic. There were a few things that jumped out at me, but this one story was startling. This guy who is an impulsive nut - but a loving husband and a great money maker describes how he planned a ski trip with his family. They were going to meet up with friends at the slopes and spend a few days together. They arrived at the slopes and the guy panicked. He told his wife "I've got to  go" and he jumped back in his car and drove back to the city to his office. She was at her wit's end of course - he had done this so many times in the past - just left situations without a moments notice -  and he felt horrible as he told over the story. As they spoke to the psychologist, a pattern emerged when they described his "escape escapades." What was revealed was this man's ADD and his tremendous need for structure. People with ADD don't have inner structure - their mind is scattered and brilliant and jumping from one thing to the next. When faced with a situation that had no structure he literally felt ungrounded - and he returned, like a thirsty man to the world of inboxs calenders and his familiar place at the desk. As the author says, you could clearly imagine him relaxing his nerves unwinding as he breathed in the familiar scene and tasks. The first thing I did when I read this was jump up and show this to my daughter. While she wouldn't escape a situation, four days of hanging out and being together makes her skin itch. She is elegant and lovable and productive is her thing. This scene described her exactly. Then, over the weekend the story kept playing itself in my head and I had to admit that it rang true for me too. I used to find myself at family gatherings, miserable. While I loved everyone one on one, the open endedness of it all and the multiple dynamics at play made me feel ungrounded and confused - it was like I lost sight of who I was for those hours. I literally couldn't remember how to be. And I was really ashamed. I would retreat, go to my bedroom or accidentally fall asleep with the kids as I put them to bed. Once or twice I was crying, writing furiously in my notebook. My husband would come looking for me. He couldn't understand it - and either could I. I would feel so immature. Actual grown ups don't do this, do they?                                                                  Things have gotten a lot better over years - as I solidify and deepen my relationships seeing my siblings doesn't feel overwhelming. Although thank G-d, with all the nieces and nephews there can be over a hundred people there, it no longer feels like ungrounded chaos. I don't exactly look forward to gigantic gatherings but I find my one on one's and I find my peace in meaningful connections. Which brings me back to the camping trip - 50 people and 4 days. And while I'm looking forward to it, I'm thinking of all this and I'm thinking of my kids- the ones who got my genes. How do I make them feel balanced, safe and grounded? I've seen what it looks like when they're not and misery is not too strong of a word. For my one daughter we borrowed a tent. She may or may not sleep there but she'll have a place to retreat and relax. She can talk to one cousin at a time instead of thirty. We also bought her a bunch of art supplies; paint canvas etc so she can self soothe and create and generally feel at peace. Having it be a topic that we speak about is also helpful. She was going to skip this trip - it was just too taxing on her emotionally - too much stimulation but she's feeling pretty good about this set up. I'm so grateful for these ideas - they don't come from me. They were guided help from the Almighty. Like I overheard my oldest daughter explain to someone "Noone is born a mother - having children makes you one."                                                                                                                   As for me, I want to own this thing. Even though I have come a long way, I still slip back into what I  call weirdness when these get-togethers are prolonged. And I want to tackle it. One of my greatest fears is being seventy and being insecure. When I 'm a grown up I want to be a grown up. We are not one age. We are many ages. There are parts of us that are still rebellious teenagers and parts of us that are wise beyond our years. I'm looking for shelaimus - wholeness and that means that I need to grow this part of myself up. I'm willing to let go of this part of myself, the part that wants to run away when the feelings are too intense. One of the greatest things I learned from 12 step participants is  the power of being willing vs trying. Here's a small excerpt to illustrate what that means. Willingness involves acceptance. Trying  involves condemnation. If you are willing, you are open to receive. If you are trying , you are closed to guidance. If you are trying  you will fear failure. If you are willing, even ‘failure’ may be used as a teaching device. If you are trying, you will fear not being able. You will judge yourself a failure. It's a magical thing, willingness - its free of judgement and  open to possibility. It's the courage to step into the unknown and not try and control it. That's why for these four days I'm not bringing my phone and I'm not bringing my computer. I'm going to go camping in the woods and be willing to be fully there. And I'll bring my notebook, because that's just me - I may still need a little time away but I'll be going back to myself, not running away.

The Perlman Boys

I'm  seeing this as an opportunity to be fully there for my kids in mind body and spirit - which is a rare and precious treat. And I know myself - it will be uncomfortable. There will be moments when I feel ungrounded and hours where I just want to go home. But I'm willing to be with those feelings. I'm so happy to be doing this and to have this chance to look myself in the eye, put my arm around my shoulder and say "It's okay sweetie, it's safe to grow up now." And my kids will get a much happier mother too! (And my dear husband won't have to go looking for me, which he'll love!) So that's it. I'd love your feedback if you can relate to any of this -  but I won't be able to respond right away because I'm going glamping:)                     Read more...