Get 20% More Popular in 15 Minutes!

You're going to have to trust me on this. Go get some flour, some oil, eggs and sugar. Got it? Okay, now this is going to be way easier than you ever thought. Want to make someone really happy? Follow these instructions. Want your kids to think you're the greatest - just do as I say. Guys - this is for you too! Want to make that girl you have your eye on sit up and take notice - its easy! But really, I'm serious! Mix them up like this 2 cups flour 2 cups water 4 tsp baking powder, 1/2 c sugar 2 1/2 TBS oil and 2 eggs Ta Da! Pancakes! You may think I'm joking or over exaggerating - and I'm not even going to extol the virtues of pancakes except to say this. Wouldn't you feel great if someone cooked a warm meal  just for you? Random acts of kindness are cool - but deliberate acts of kindness are even better. Just imagine the look on your friend's face when you show up at her door with a stack of hot pancakes. Or how about your pickiest kid - who argues with you over every bite of chicken. "Sweetie - tonight its pancakes, just for you!" In a time when we seek to add to our acts of loving-kindness, giving this little gift to a loved one (or even better - to someone you can't stand - how's that for making shalom!) is so simple but trust me - its magic! So today, on the 8th day of Elul, it's all about action. Make pancakes! Really. Really make pancakes! Feed someone! Show your love. I did! [Instructions - Fry pancakes on a medium flame and flip when you see lots of air bubbles. you can make these with milk or soy milk. I know its not much by way of nutrition but I use water because then they're lighter]          Read more...

Tichels for Weddings!

    I feel a little silly putting this up because its not my prettiest tichel and also because its in a bathroom! I'm trying to answer that question that I get all the time about tichels for weddings. Really folks, it's YOU who's beautiful. The tichel just lets that shine through. Add some sparkle, a ribbon or flower and that's all you need. I'm really looking forward to selling a nice collection of those sparkly additions in my upcoming store! Read more...

Elul! Episode 10 - Back to School

  School is almost here. And we wonder sometimes, "How can we do it all?" How can we prepare for the High Holidays, buy all the school supplies, get the kid's school clothes organized and be spiritually ready for Rosh Hashana. It seems so daunting. I know, I'm running around, making lists and doing errands and generally feeling like there are more things to do then fit in the day. Even if you're not in school; autumn is coming and the spirit  of transition is in the air. And I realized, just today, that all is as it should be. This order, this timing, is exactly perfect. I may want to be in a freeze frame - free from responsibilities, to learn and read and meditate and grow. But that's not what I need. Real life is where the growth is. Waking up every day, this month and every month and infusing all our actions with kindness and purpose. School starts in a week for my kids and when I saw this video, I remembered teachers. Teachers don't just show up and teach, they've been preparing all during the summer for thier class, tlka bout dedication! Teachers are so incredible, what action can I take to show my appreciation this Elul?

Who else in your life can use a note or a call?

  Read more...

Elul Day 12 - Imperfect is the New Perfect

It's only because you're my good friends that I can put up a post that is just ... a post. Once a while ago I went to  a birthday party and the woman who's birthday it was gave me a blessing; "May you be able to bring together your ruchinius and your gashmius." Meaning your spirituality and your physicality. On a person's birthday their energy is particularly strong and so I thought to myself, "this must be a tailor made blessing and she sees that I'm really deficient in this area. Which was pretty bad, because I had no idea what she even meant!" When I was making this video today, her words came back to me and I understood what she meant. It's all from Hashem, every little test and annoyance; every  dish and sock, every meeting and Doctor's appointment. Every bad hair day and stomache ache and every birthday party and every good bye. Like my sister Tova says, "Life is really lifey!" We've got to just give ourselves a little shake every once in a while and remind oursleves of reality. We're being cared for by our loving Creator. He's by our side every second and He's looking out for us. And we're not in a contest. Life is a colorful, adventurous, heart tugging, exhausting, exhilerating, confusing,  amusing drama. And every bit of it is delicious. We've just got to connect the dots. Nothing just is. Everything is an opportunity. The thing is, we spend alot of effort trying to get it right. trying to get it all done. And trying to be perfect. Ok, we may say "I'm not perfect." But deep in our hearts we may want to be. My  motto: Imperfect is the new perfect."       Read more...

Why do Religious Guys Wear Black and White?

Today I have three very different stories to tell you. One about my husband, one about my son and one about the neighbors. In Orthodox jewish circles, it's pretty common that when a boy goes into ninth grade, he doesn't just go into high school, he starts Yeshiva. Yeshiva is a place where your whole day is dedicated towards learning Torah and spiritual growth. They still learn math, english, science and social studies, only later in the afternoon. It's a wonderful place - if it's a good fit for your kid. The Rabbis develop warm and caring relationships with the boys and welcome them into their lives. And its a holy place, where Torah is learned with as much enthusiasm as the basketball game that comes after it. There's lots more to say on Yeshiva and if you're curious, just ask, but actually this is just an introduction to an oddly large topic - A white shirt. Now this is not a topic in every Orthodox circle. Especially in Israel, where everyone is more casual, you'll find more color, but it is a topic in many places. In those institutions, wearing a white or light shirt and wearing dark pants is a the firm dress code. It's deeper than a dress code, really, because it's not like you take it off when you go home. Being a yeshiva student is being a Yeshiva student, not just attending Yeshiva. And so, the white/black outfit becomes the symbol for your identity. One of the benifits of  wearing black/white every day is that it frees the kids up from fashion and competition. Not unlike nuns or monks. Getting dressed no longer is a big deal, or even a deal at all. The other reason is to wear dignified, special clothes as befits a Torah scholar. Just like you'd want your lawyer to show up in a suit. It lends prestige. It seems a strange thing that such a superficial expression has taken such strong hold. Nowhere is it written in the Torah "thou shalt wear black and white." And I think that  there's a danger if we put too much attention on it. Focusing on things that are not absolute truth makes us lose our sense of balance and priorities. Parents can freak out if their kids change their dress a little and it can really turn them off from real spirituality. And conversely, kids can continue to look very religious hiding real questions of faith. On the other hand, its a uniform, a statement of identity. It's an expression of comittment and seriousness about Torah. I find it fascinating how it evokes such reactions in people, including myself, "Oh, I just love those fine yeshiva bochurim! They came and shoveled my snow in those white shirts of theirs!" Or, "Why must they always wear black and white? Don't they ever think for themselves?" I offer you these stories here as a mini montage and to shed a little light on the topic. Something to think about. Story Number One Once upon a time, my husband, Bezalel was a Yeshiva bochur (yiddish for guy). He went first to Yehiva in Baltimore and post high school, he went to Israel for a few more years of study. All that time he wore dark dress pants and a light, (though not always white) shirt. When he went to another Yeshiva, an institute of even more intense study, he began, by the advice of his Rabbi, to wear a white shirt every day. Years passed, we got married, lived in Israel for 4 1/2 years, came back to America and one day my husband shook his head."Why do I still wear a white shirt? I'm not a yeshiva guy anymore and I like color. It seems like a simple thing, but it wasn't. It turns out that though he felt grateful for his years of intense learning, he was disappointed that he was not led to a specific profession and he felt like the system let him down. (although he did get a degree from his years in Yeshiva.) He no longer identified as a Yeshiva guy. He established for himself what he felt was a healthier identity (for him) a Ben Torah. Someone who strives every day to live a Torah life and who is honest, upright and kind. Off came the white shirts, and on went a new era. An era where he would take everything he learned and synthesize it so that it could work in the world outside of Yeshiva walls and for his personality. I can't even begin to describe to you what that first shopping trip was like. Or the first time he appeared at the breakfast table in his checkered shirt. He was breaking new ground. He could have come to this place independent of a wardrobe change. He could have kept on the white shirt, as many do, and that would have been fine for some. But not for him. Now he dresses like a Ben Torah, a person of dignity. You'll find him in jeans if he's working in the yard or on a family trip, but otherwise, he's polished and pressed every day. The above story is an abbreviation of a deep struggle and process and finding your truth in an imperfect world. And the shirt was the symbol. Story Number Two A little while ago, a car pulled up in front of my house. Four teenagers got out. She, with a colorful wig, he with long hair, and 2 more in jeans and torn tank tops. The wigged girl began kissing the guy and the other guy pulled out a cigarette. My kids called me over and I went to say hi to them. After we said hello etc. I welcomed them and told them that my kids were around and if they could not do the kissing right by my yard that would be better. They understood.  Then we brought them out a mini dinner of meatballs and some cold drinks. These kids were Jewish kids who grew up in religious homes and for various reasons left observance. I felt that their hanging out in such a central location was a subconscious test. "Will people judge us and be horrible to us and give us a further reason to leave Judasim?" Their torn jeans and mini skirt  were a way of saying something much deeper. "I don't subscribe to that system anymore. This is who I am." Some of these boys had most likely worn white/black at some point in their lives. I don't think this is actually who they are but they're struggling trying to figure it out. And there's a good chance that somewhere along their journey, if they go back to school,  clean up their act, and get inspired, they'll make dress choices that are different. The above story is an abbreviation of a deep struggle and process and finding your truth in an imperfect world. And the clothes were the symbol. Story Number Three.  My son, Mortzy,  is a gymnast and an athlete. He took karate for years. He does push ups and chins ups for fun. He organizes hiking trips and camping  overnights. He breakdances.This boy does not wear dress pants! Even regular clothes have never  really worked for him. We bought  him cotton pants for school but what he really wanted to wear was nylon shorts. It was just a a few days ago when we went shopping for Yeshiva. The student handbook outlined what he needed and he had exactly nothing from the list in his wardrobe. When I showed up at the store, owned by a religious guy, and he starts pulling out pants from the rack, I stared at him incredulously. "What? This is what they wear? No way! How can he play basket ball in those? He's totally active?! And the shirts! Don't you have any more with color on them?" Mortzy told the owner," I really don't want to wear white shirts every day. Can you please give me some with designs on them?" We left the store, buying black pants, white shirts, black  shoes and bringing new meaning to the term fancy pants. I thought it was ridiculous. Then he tried it on. Black pants, white shirt. Neat and crisp. Black socks and shoes, elegant and dressed. At first I was confused, but there was no denying it. He felt great. The kid stood taller! It's been a few days and he's completely transformed. He's reached a new level of maturity and responsibility. That night I picked him up from school and I watched all the boys streaming from the building. Almost every one of them in their dress clothes and I saw before me a generation of gentlemen; Boys who spend their days looking at holy books instead of looking at girls (yes, that's universal!) and kids who are taught that their holding the torch of Judaism is not a casual thing.                                                                                                                                                                            So what does it all mean? Are white shirts just another way to conform? I know grown men, not in Yeshiva (many thousands) who only wear white shirts. They're not conforming -  to them it says."Torah study is my priority." And I know guys who grew in observance, like the guys in the video and for them, the white shirt is a badge of honor. It's something they arrive at that's a new self-definition. On the other hand it's just a shirt, you don't get a first class ticket to Heaven for wearing it. It's a little thing, a white shirt, but like I said, an oddly huge topic. 3 stories, what do you think?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         PS video posted above because those Yeshiva guys dance like my son in his white shirt! Read more...

Tipping the Scales

How much would you pay for one last piece of evidence to be submitted to your trial, that confirms your innocence? Did you ever think about how each action you take is evidence for or against your character? Read more...

Elul - Shake Out Your Pants

  I was 16, working in a sleep away camp in England when I began to collect. I had gotten a horrible call from my sister that a friend of mine's parents just split up. It turned out that her father was physically abusive and controlling and that her mother finally left him.  She told me that they needed money. With the chutzpah of a teenager, I made my rounds asking people for money. Being in the countryside meant that no one carried too much money with them. But one woman, a staff member,  who I asked, taught me a lesson I'll never forget. The camp took place in a boarding school that was empty for the summer. It was fascinating just being there. The staff slept at the end of the long hallway. I knocked on the doors and it was opened by an gracious English woman.  She welcomed me into her little bedroom. I told her that I was collecting tzedakah for a family in need. She said "Sure!" And she handed me a styrofoam cup half filled with coins. I remember being really surprised. "Isn't this money for a specific purpose? [note - Torah law - If you set aside money for a specific charity, you can't just casually switch it. Even if you just state or have a conscious thought that you'll give tzedaka, you must follow through on it.] She said "No, it's just Tzedkah. We're taught that we must give tzedakah every day." I took the cup, left the room, and emptied it's contents. I can't explain what I felt. My gears were turning. It was such an eye opening lesson! I grew up on giving. My parents live and breathe to do for others, but I always thought that you gave because people are in need. This woman taught me that you give because you need to be a giver. You give because that's called being divine. Even before you know who's recieving it, you give in your little bedroom, at the end of a long hallway, in a styrofoam cup in the English countryside. True story. This took place in Israel. A man came to visit an older woman and he saw that her bread was covered with plastic. Her books too, were covered. Everywhere he looked there were plastic tablecloths. He asked her why. She said "Because my roof is very leaky and I need to protect my stuff." The man reached into his pocket, "Here, I'm writing you a check so that you can get your roof fixed. She smiled and said "No thank you, it's geshmai bracha (rains of blessing. )" She was content. The man tried to persuade her but then gave up and left the house. Not a minute passed when she called out "Wait! I'll take the check!" "Why?" "I"ve been davening (praying) at the Kosel (Western Wall) every day for years and it pains me so that I don't have any money to give to the poor who collect there. This would give me a chance to give." Now that's called knowing the value of money! In Israel when we lived there they used to do a wonderful thing. Every couple of weeks, kids would come around with a basket for food donations. We would go in our cabinets and take out a couple of cans or bags of flour." This, they would distribute to the poor. And its' a fascinating thing how we were willing to give so much more in foodstffs then in actual money. Rabbitzen Heller explains that it's so much harder to give money because money represents potential. And we hate to part with that. When we give a jar of pickels that's all it will ever be. But when we give ten dollars it could have been anything. In some weird way, we think it could have improved our life. I want to take that concept one step further, or rather inverse it. When you buy a jar of pickles that's all it will ever be, but when you give tzedkah, the possibilites are endless, the reward is eternal. you attach yourself to the highest source and you actualize yourself as a human being. In Elul we're taught  "Repentance, prayer and charity reverse the bad decree." A good place to start is with daily giving. Get your own styrofoam cup. Make it a habit. If you want to give Tzedakah this minute, Click HERE and scroll down to press DONATE.  I'm collecting for a needy family who has been living through two years of unemployment. It would be great to get them through the holidays. Afterwards, click HERE to realize how amazing what you've just done is! all the best, Rivka Malka   Read more...

Why Didn't I Take a More Critical Approach?

  Did you get what I meant in this video about not taking a hard line? Everyone loves a guy with a big opinion. We read hot headed blogs like there's no tomorrow. And we love that someone has the guts to say what we've been thinking all along. But when it comes to spirituality, it's different. The topics we talk about here are much more subtle and have deep ramifications. I can't spew and criticize.   I mean, like my friend Rachel says. "who knows who's closer and who's further? We can't judge from appearances. And if this goes for the guy who is not wearing a yarmulka but truly is very spiritual, it most certainly goes for the religious guy who you think looks repressed. Maybe he's not. Maybe its an expression that he likes. But alas, nothing is perfect. Joe Good Guy, can he really be as spiritual as he could potentially be if he doesn't observe the Torah's mitzvos? And the religious guy, can he really be as true to himself as he needs to be if he's comfortable with that much conformity? But I've found, that consistently we are most critical of religious people. If they act out in any way, we feel ripped off, up in arms; "You faker!" It's a big responsibility wearing one of these things on your head. People have expectations, as they should! But folks, lets give other folks a break. We're all only human. We make mistakes, we struggle with the same things that everyone else does. The only difference is that we're willing to make the committment and say. "I may not be perfect but I'm going to set out to take the high road. " The problem is, that when we don't live with Hashem, we live with fear. To live with Hashem means to trust  in the greatness of every human being.  When we live with fear, instead of belief, we end up making rules, upon rules, upon rules, creating a sub culture that has nothing to do with truth.         Read more...

Who is The Me I Want To Be- Sharing a night at WOW!

  I'm so sorry that I haven't posted. My 30 day challenge is apparently a challenge for me too!                                                                                                            Last night was the first session of WOW! In case you're not familiar with it, WOW! is a program that I direct that is geared for Young Jewish Professionals. We come together, those with less formal Jewish education, those with more; those who carry their Jewish identity as a second skin and those who are unwrapping its new-found treasure. I love it there. In a fractured world, it's a haven of unity and inspiration. We're taught that ; when you pray, you're speaking to G-d, when you learn Torah, that's G-d speaking to you." So there you have a whole room full of people who G-d is talking to! And it surprises them. It surprises even me, how when you learn Torah, you are peaceful but exhilarated. Things just resonate. Everything else fades away. My partner is Renee, who I met, some would say randomly, but if you see us together, you would say. "How could these two not meet?! So we were learning together, literally sharing moments of ecstasy, and I'd like to share with you some of what we learned here so that you too can eat these delicious words for dinner! Although I can recap, the book we were studying which is one of my favorite, The G-d Powered Life by David Aaron is so perfectly written, that I'm going to copy down every word of this excerpt for you. (Thank you Hadassa for doing so much of the typing!) Kabbalah, which this book is based on, is  the secrets of the mechanisms of the spiritual world. Kabbalah knowledge is universal truth. Read slowly and let the truth give you wings to fly.                                                                      (Photo is of Renee)                                                                                                           

The Me I Want To Be

At first glance this phrase seems ridiculous. Who is the ME I want to be? How could I not be me? And if I am not me, which seems kind of crazy, than why am I not me? Who is the Me that I am and what is holding me back from being the Me that I want to be? Only a human being struggles with a question like that animals for sure don't. Animals are just exactly who they are. They never regret who they are, and they have no aspirations to be other than who they already are. Have you ever seen a dog trying to be a cat? Or  a cat looking at a dog with envy because the dog can bark and he can't? Unique to the human mind there exists a possible conflict between who I am and who I could be or should be. We sense a distinction between our self and our character. This duality can create tremendous stress and even much psychic pain in our lives. However, to hold us back from becoming the me we want to be, we must clarify the difference between the Self and the Me. Let's start with understanding the self. Did you ever play a kind of mind game as a child and ask yourself: "Who would I have been if my mother had married another man?" If you have asked yourself this question, it is because on some deep intuitive level you sensed you could have been somebody else. You sensed that your inner self would be the same you, but it would be playing a different character. you sensed that there is a Self that stands independent of a particular Me. You sensed that the Self is immutable, but the particular character, the Me is not     In a sweet little book called, Children's Letters to God, I found a letter that was particularly humorous: "Dear God, If after death you send me back, please don't send me back as Jennifer Horton. Because I hate her guts." Now how does a child intuit that she could come back and play another character? In Kabbalah, there is much discussion about reincarnation and how we may return in numerous times to this world playing a different character in each life. Each of us may have been on Earth in an earlier lifetime, playing a different Me - a different character. For instance, the Kabbalah teaches that the soul that played Abel, who was killed by his brother Cain, returned in a later life to play the character Noah, and then returned again to play Moses. It works a bit like casting roles in a play. An actor, who has been scripted to play a death scene, gives himself over completely to the part and dies in the most convincing way on stage. But he gets up when the curtain closes and lives to embrace a new role in a new show. Shakespeare was not far off when he wrote: "All the world is a stage and all the men and women merely players." You and I are like actors and when we come into this world, we are given a part to play. But don't confuse the Self (the soul) with the Me (the character) , the part you play. I know that I am playing a role, a character who is a Rabbi, who lives in Jerusalem, who is married, who has seven children and four grandchildren, and so forth. I know the Me who is this character. (RABBI DAVID AARON - the author) But there is an aspect of who I am - my Self - that transcends this character. When I describe Me, I am describing my persona, my character, but I am not describing my Self. I have a role to play, but I am not that role, I am not that character. The legendary actor Kirk Douglas shared with me a story that clearly illustrates this kind of confusion. Kirk was known for playing the tough guy, the macho man, the cowboy, and so forth. Looking for a challenge, he decided to play the struggling, sensitive artist Vincent Van Gogh in a movie called Lust for Life. This part was for out of character for Kirk at that time in his acting career.   When the news broke, he immediately got a call from his old acting buddy John Wayne: "Kirk, what's this I'm hearing about you? What's a cowboy like you doing with a sissy part like Van Gogh?" Surprised by the comment, Kirk responded, "John, I've got news for you - we are not cowboys, we're actors." When we remember that we, too,  are like actors then each and every one of us has the power to be the Me we truly want to be. To try to keep this straight, Lets define our terms:

• There is the Me, which is ego consciousness. It is the character we play, and it includes our physiological clothing - such as our thoughts and feelings -  and the physical sensations of our body. The fabric of our character is woven out of our thinking, speaking, and behavioral patterns.
•                                                  
• Then there is the Self, that is, the soul - a ray of God so to speak. This is the conscious self, the knower, the actor who plays the character. We will discuss later how, in fact, this self has two competing aspects that long to be integrated. One aspect - we'll call it the creative self - works through the character, utilizing its strengths and weaknesses, and seeks to advance forward to fulfill its creative mission on Earth. The second aspect - we'll call it the sacred self -  yearns to retreat inward to experience its eternal connection to its divine source.
•                                                 
• And then there is the "I," who is the Great I, the Ultimate Self, the Soul of souls - God. Of course, when we say, "I am," it is not God, the Great I, speaking. It might just be the Self, or the soul, (a ray of the Great I) speaking but most often it is just Me, the ego.

The question is what type of Me is worth wanting to be. The Me we want to be is a Me that enables our Self to shine out as an expression of the Great I.     Read more...

How To Make Pesto, Olive Dip, Date Truffles and Potato Kugel in One Shot

Make 4 Shabbos dishes while hanging out with me and Hudy Abrams! Recipes below! In this video you'll hear about a bunch of cool links - I'm posting them here for you. My friend Avivah's blog - http://avivahwerner.com/ Hudy's Channel - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UClISfWViAO1yEkpIYdekV7A MUST LISTEN - The original post on FORGIVENESS that brought us together. http://rivkamalka.com/forgiveness/   https://youtu.be/OCxYhHTSH3o     Recipes - The recipes here don't have specific proportions so go crazy and get creative!! Date Truffles - Dates, Pecan Meal ( or other ground nuts), Cocoa, Coconut Oil, Water Grind, roll in balls and freeze ( serve frozen) Olive Pate - Green Olives, Sun Dried Tomatoes, Chickpeas. ( add a little salt and cayenne pepper). Potato Kugel - 5 Medium Potatoes, 1 Large Onion, 1/2 cup Oil, 4 Eggs. Pesto - Cilantro, Slivered Almonds, 1 Garlic, Olive Oil Have a great Shabbos! Read more...

How To Make Pesto, Olive Dip, Date Truffles and Potato Kugel in One Shot

Hi Everyone! Happy  Erev Shabbos, This week I have a treat for you. Drumroll....!!!! Its HUDY ABRAMS!!!! And it's a food processor cook - a - thon! Hudy and I met online ( you'll find out how in the video) and this is our second time meeting in person. What I love about Hudy is her depth and clarity and integrity. She reminds me of clean clear water, refreshing and nourishing. She's also super cool being a Jewish leader and teacher out in Dallas, Texas. The best thing about cooking with her was the company. Don't you sometimes wish for the old days when housewives would share daily chores. I could do without the chores part, but the sharing I love! Today we pulled out the food processor and made a whole bunch of things that round out the Shabbos meal. Last week we did the basics ( fish, soup etc) This week we're going for dips and sides. Thanks for hanging out with us. This is not a cooking show - our olive dip came out pretty bad ( don't worry we'll fix it!)  but who cares? This is  a "lets get ready for Shabbos together because this is real life and we love it - show! PS Don't forget to look at the links that I posted above the video in the post - you'll love those resources. PPS. In case you missed it, here's this week's Parsha talk about "How to Get Rid of Defensiveness in Your Marriage." PPS Come and join our cooking by clicking here!!      

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How to Get Rid Of Being Defensive

You know how you finally get things done when you have deadline? Me too! Thanks to The Torah Anytime class I now have a bit of a blogging schedule! Woo Hoo! The beginning of the week is still up in the air but Thursday  you should be getting a Parsha class from me ( which right now is focused on marriage) in your inbox - every week! Also , thanks to the crazy amount of feedback from lats week totally unprepared video I'm going to try to join you in my Shabbos Prep as much as possible - so when all goes smoothly you should be getting a Shabbos video on Friday afternoon - it will be a fun unofficial one. You can check it out tomorrow. In the meantime, enjoy this video How to NOT be defensive ( tried and tested tools, let me tell ya!). If you can't see it through YouTube, just click on the TorahAnytime link here.  ( Feel free to subscribe there and they'll sent you an email each time I upload a class) See you tomorrow! Love, Rivka Malka   Read more...

How to Get Rid Of Being Defensive

You know how you finally get things done when you have deadline? Me too! Thanks to The Torah Anytime class I now have a bit of a blogging schedule! Woo Hoo! The beginning of the week is still up in the air but Thursday  you should be getting a Parsha class from me ( which right now is focused on marriage) in your inbox - every week! Also , thanks to the crazy amount of feedback from lats week totally unprepared video I'm going to try to join you in my Shabbos Prep as much as possible - so when all goes smoothly you should be getting a Shabbos video on Friday afternoon - it will be a fun unofficial one. You can check it out tomorrow. In the meantime, enjoy this video How to NOT be defensive ( tried and tested tools, let me tell ya!). If you can't see it through YouTube, just click on the TorahAnytime link here.  ( Feel free to subscribe there and they'll sent you an email each time I upload a class) See you tomorrow! Love, Rivka Malka https://youtu.be/RZdubA8uHMk

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A Tichel Pin, A Girl With Strep and Walking Fearlessly Through Life

    (Actual FB message from Andrea) We just stopped by and brought her some stuff that will hopefully make the sickness a bit easier.  The rash she has looks like something that is common for Israeli children... the english word is german measles... but I'm not sure if that's what she actually has.  My husband is under the impression that it's fairly common here in Israel (like chicken pox) and she just needs antibiotics which hopefully the doctor will give her tomorrow.  However, if it's an allergic reaction to the strep medication they have given her, hopefully she can get that taken care of as well. But she looks good, smiling (she's so beautiful and looks so much like you!), and on her feet.  I'm glad I got to meet her, even though the circumstances weren't ideal.  I told her to give me a call if anything gets worse and to let me know what the doctor says tomorrow. Kol tuv ♥                                                                                 Our world is colored by the lenses we wear. On Rosh Hashana we pray that the fear and dread of G-d be upon all his creations." It sounds pretty intense, maybe even unrelatable, until you realize that the things we fear are the basis for our decisions. An inner city kid may fear losing status and acceptance and so he'll steal, even though he doesn't want to. Another guy wants to steal and has no compunction about it, but he doesn't because he fears getting caught. One woman is overprotective because she fears her children's safety, the other is permissive because she fears if her children don't experience their mistakes, they won't learn. One guy dates many women because he fears he may miss out on the best one, another guy is choosy because he fears he'll be wasting his time with bland dates. To pray on Rosh Hashana, that we're filled with the fear of Heaven is to ask for a new pair of glasses. A pair of glasses that lets us see things clearly. Why hide from shadows when there's real danger around another corner? Our WOW! friend Chad is someone who knows what to be scared of. When he learned that the Torah is scrupulous about not eating bugs, he began ordering his salads without broccoli  and other vegis' that have insects hiding in them. (In kosher restaurants, they wash them  with pressure and check them.) Then he learned, that lettuce too, if not checked, most likely also has little bugs on it. So he was describing to us the scene with his co workers. he used to look a little strange because he only ordered salad - in a non kosher restaurant. Then he started to say, "I'll have a salad without the broccoli etc." They thought he was a little weird. But then came the day when he said, I'll have a salad without the lettuce." Hu? Crazy guy!! But he wasn't scared, not of looking dumb and not of being embarrassed. he was only scared of not doing the right thing. Read more...

Cheshbon Hanefesh

How much of what we do is tied up in what we've done? how much of who we are is a mad, mad push to maintain                 the "I",  I said I am And who am I? Can I be so narrow - frozen like the ice blocks that built the igloo? Can I be so sure that this little world of sureity I've created is so sure, so secure - that important? "We were born to learn" said my friend who came to learn And a cup that is filled has no  room for more I'd rather be like the earth than the ice Like the earth who collects what its given - and brings forth something new each time. We plant seeds, she gives back a garden Adam - Adama - Earth To let land sit fallow is to let it be over run I am not frozen in time a pile of rocks; the sum of my life, to sit there for eternity I'm not indestructable I'm the Earth; a wide expanse of potential I can be roses one day and palm trees the next.  I can plant change and reap growth. Destroy me, go ahead, dig into me with shovels and spades for a new year is coming and I have more to give Pull up the weeds yank hard and get dirty Make way for the New Year! Make Space for the New Year!                   Read more...

Happiness

Will you believe me if I tell you that I have found the secret to happiness? Believe it. Here's the Jewish answer - it's easier than you think. Here's another incredible talk by my brother, Benzion Klatzko. His analysis of happiness turns into compelling inspiration to living with a higher truth. You'll find yourself nodding your head in so many places on this video. (its a full length talk so feel free to have it play in the background.) https://youtu.be/Atp5eOZF5HE Read more...

Today We're Making History!

  When I heard about this prayer, I wasn't sure what to think. I always tend to hold back before hopping on board with the masses. I  put it in the back of my head and even let my inner scoffer come out. And then last night I finally saw this video - the one that landed up in my inbox a little while ago that I totally ignored. At first I was amused, maybe even embarrassed. I mean, Jews pray for Moshiach  is this really new? It seemed corny But I watched more, I watched the whole thing, and you know what I saw? I saw one man's yearning and his conviction that he could DO this thing. He could want this to happen so badly that he would put time and effort and more time and more effort into getting the word out to make a difference. How could I not hop on board? I want to be with the good people. I want to be with the sincere people. The ones who live with purpose and meaning; the ones who are fearless and committed. So I'm posting it, I'm sharing it with you. I'm hoping that you'll see the sincerity in it. And I hope you'll pray. Maybe you don't want Moshiach. Maybe you only want to want Mashiach. Maybe you only heard of this concept last week and it makes you uncomfortable. Maybe you don't believe that this effort is big enough or that change can actually happen. If you feel any of the above, then you and my inner scoffer should meet. I have a great idea. They can meet over coffee and spew negativity and doubt while we, me and you,  will bask in clarity. Today, we can take a moment, just a quiet real moment  and think about all the suffering and all the yearning and all the pain the world is in. and if we're brave enough we can address our own pain too. We know there's more to life, we know we can be living a richer existence, if only we could feel G-d's presence even more. And then, at 11:00 lets pray, loud or soft, slow or fast. Lets just jump right in and say words that are new to our lips but as old as time itself. Let's join our lot with thousands of Jews all around the world. Let's remember that we're all connected. Let's cry out to our dear Father in Heaven, and let us be heard.

 The Prayer  - and what to do

You are invited to give some tzedaka (one Dollar, Euro or Shekel..) before saying the prayer. Then, At the same instant, everyone will start the short prayer that can be said in any language alone, with family or in a synagogue:

"Master of the Universe, We, the children of Israel, ask you to send Mashiach to redeem us, now and with mercy, from exile and all suffering, to reveal your Name in the world and to bring peace."

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I Used To Dread Yom Kippur

  Awhile back someone asked me, "What's your favorite holiday?" I surprised myself by answering, "I have two; Yom Kippur and Purim." Yom Kippur and Purim are opposite extremes with the same essential message. In one we wear a mask so that our daily masks will be free to fall away. And in the other we wear pure white; beyond the mask; beyond anything superficial, just our souls shining through. Like so many young people, I used to dread Yom Kippur. Fasting and praying all day felt stifling. True story. I grew up in a small synagogue with no place for children to play. I was 11 and squirming in my seat. I was thinking of excuses, reasons, anything to leave. I thought of of the obvious. "Mommy, I need the bathroom." So off I went and when I got to the bathroom  my friend was there and I couldn't resist. Together we ran out the back door and down the block! We were out for over an hour and you can just imagine what I faced when I got back!!   So how'd I get here, to loving Yom Kippur? I wonder that myself. I'm still not someone who can sit still for so many hours and I do take breaks. But even my breaks feel holy. Not  like I'm running away from the day, just like I need to move around a bit. I remember last Rosh Hashana when a friend ours, newly observant, said something so profound. He said, "I've come to really enjoy Shabbos, but my spiritual antenna is not yet attuned to these holidays." And I thought yeah, there's a spiritual antenna. What a great description. A tuning in to the channel of the day that makes all the difference. All of life is perception. It's how tuned in we are. Today I was in the supermarket talking to a young guy. He told me " I don't drive on Yom Kippur, last year I did, and I lost my dog! I'll just stay home all day [doing nothing]." Something inside of him is telling him that this day is holy, but his perception of Yom Kippur is that its a pain - a price to pay for being Jewish. I get him. I used to feel that way too. The challenge for us, as grown ups, is to educate ourselves, to adjust our antenna so we can clear away the static and see the gorgeousness that's in our Judiasm.   The agony of modern Jewish culture is that it celebrates all the rituals, the apples in honey, the Yom Kippur fasting, even circumcision without the focus on the endpoint, the essential matter. A relationship with G-d. It leaves you with such an emptiness that you may want to throw away the rituals too. Who needs a 26 hour fast? And for that matter, who wants to face their boss asking for time off again, who wants to be different all the time? Who wants to have stereotypes thrust upon them because of things that they have no emotional attachment to? I certainly wouldn't. I think what's changed for me, is that as an adult I have an active relationship with G-d. A relationship that has its ups and downs, but is real.  Through mitzvos and personal prayer, through learning and growing He's in my life every single day. The point, the entire point of existence is to come closer to G-d. We can play games and make other goals for ourselves. But if those points don't bring you back to your essence, to your essential self that's a piece of G-d, you'll be as empty as the richest man in the world. Yom Kippur is nothing less then the climax of everything we live for. Each week we have Shabbos, a date with G-d. We turn off our busy-ness and tune in to what matters. And then comes Yom Kippur  - called in the Torah, Shabbos Shabboson. The Shabbos of all Shabboses! A renewal of our vows. We don't just turn off our busyness. We turn off our physical comforts. We immerse for a full day in our connection to G-d. We're freed up from posing and from looking good. We're even freed up from eating. We're a bride on her wedding day and nothing else matters. Ask a bride what she wants to eat on her wedding day. Does she have an appetite? It's her wedding day! Yom Kippur is the most romantic day of the year. We commit ourselves again to G-d. We say, "I remember how important You are to me. I'll never let you down." We get in touch with our deepest, purest selves and we vow to improve. Because we're remembering. We're remembering our truest selves. And this remembering takes time.                                                                I used to think that the whole day was one long monotonous prayer. But now, spending more time in synagogue, I notice how it bends and curves and rises and falls. All the time spent there is a process, an unveiling. We start out solemnly with Kol Nidrei. We've prepared before we've come. We've just showered and eaten and we find ourselves in the hush of the synagogue. We're adjusting to the intensity of the holiness. We're not in shul for too long Yom Kippur Eve. We go home and straight to bed with kind of jiggle in our stomach. Tomorrow is a big day. It's not yet seeped in. We feel the holiness, but we may not know what to do with it. The closed bud of remembrance has just begun to unfurl.   Then comes the morning prayers and it's like a warm up. We get comfortable. We pass the hurdle of missing our morning coffee and allow ourselves to be with the day. We move from sleepy to awake as awareness begins to set in.   By musaf, the next prayer we've already said viduy, the confession 3 times and we're beginning to feel. "Yes, how could I have done these things?"I  don't want that to be me. I am so much more than that." Standing there, we experience what few in the world allow themselves, the luxury of silence. The luxury of time.   Have you ever been in a shiva house where people are more concerned with the food then with mourning their loved one? It's all too common. It's not easy for us to focus. We're uncomfortable with feeling things that deeply. The Torah, the greatest gift we have, teaches us, in a way nothing else can, how to be present. Practicing mitzvos is practicing presence. When you eat bread you first stop, wash your hands, say a blessing, focus on the gift. When a baby is born,  and you're teary eyed and emotional; before you call up Grandma and Grandpa you bless the moment with a "shehecheyanu." The more you practice being with your essence (beyond your emotions and into awareness of more) the more you will be able to be in shul. We're in no hurry. We have no place we need to be.  Sitting in shul on Yom Kippur, it's time to listen. To listen to your soul, that piece of G-d within you, and to honor it with your committment that when the day is over, you will keep listening.                                                                             My dear friends, I've written so much and I have so much more to say. This is the tip of the tip of the tip of Yom Kippur and there are not enough words in my vocabulary to express the essence, the holiness, the great joy and spiritual cleansing. I'm stopping here only because I don't know where to stop. But before I do, I want to share with you my favorite part, perhaps everyone's favorite part - Neliah. As the sun sets, and the day is ending, we pray one last time. With a prayer that is only said on this day - Neila. Neila, literally means The closing, the closing of the Gates. The Gates of Prayer which were wide open all day are closing. Get you last prayers in! Reach down deeper, squeeze out those tears! Let yourself be vulnerable in a way you never have before. Admit your total dependence on G-d. Can we give ourselves the gift of Life? Can we secure ourselves a year of success and good health? Only He can. We pray with an urgency and authenticity. This time we leave out the confession. We don't want to go back there anymore. We only want to go forward. We want life! We want to live up to the potential that we caught a glimpse of during our moments of clarity in the day. And as we look forward we promise, not just with words, but with the promise implicit in our passion that we will choose life! And we reach a breaking point. A point of "Avinu Malkenu," Our Father Our King! And we feel ourselves cleansed, reunited, at peace. And the congregation says together louder and louder, seven times, "Hashem Hu Ha'elokim! Hashem is our G-d!" And after a few more verses the shofar is blown and we reach the climax of ecstasy where for a moment there is no I, there is only We and all of us are one with Him. And there's singing and dancing fueled by an other worldly energy. And the circle goes round and round and just when you think it wil stop, it starts again. We've made it to the top of the mountain and we never want to get down. I love Yom Kippur Have a wonderful Yom Kippur my friends. May you be inscribed in the book of Life. May you know with complete clarity that you are infinitely precious and needed in this world. May  this Yom Kippur bring you ever closer to G-d, who is waiting for you with open arms. Love, Rivka Malka                     Read more...

Yup, Another Holiday!

  And so just a few days after Yom Kippur, its time for another holiday. Another one?! I never heard of that?! Yes, Succos! I hope you get a chance to watch this video. It's a real taste of Jerusalem creatvity and color! Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur and Sukkos are 3 parts of a whole. After we're cleansed and sparkling new we celebrate our closeness with G-d by spending the week together with Him - a honeymoon. In this video, a lot is explained about some of the depth of Sukkos. Here, I'll just run through some of the how to's. I'll post some pics of our Succa soon on FB, the boys are just about finished building it. Q.What makes it a Sukka? Can a treehouse be a Sukka? What about my shed? A. A Sukka can be made out of any material. the clincher is the roof. That which gives us protection has to be a)organic, b) not attached to the earth. so that would mean that if you had a really nice tree hanging over your Sukka, that part would not be considered a Sukka. Q. Is it better to have a wooden homemade sukka than a store bought canvas one? A. Nope, makes so difference. Q. What do you do in a Sukka? Do you move in? A. A Sukka is a holy, joyful place. You spend as much time there as you can. We eat our meals in the Sukka and those that can, sleep in the Sukka. It's the most wonderful, cozy campout you've ever had. You move aside the tables and chairs, drag out your mattress and Boom! Your head hits the pillow and you are fast asleep! Q Anything else? A. Yes, It's a custom to decorate Sukkas and all the crafty people have a great time doing that. (I conceptually love it, but end up with moslty store-bought signs) Also, on each of the nights of Sukkos we welcome a special guest - the spirit of one of our Seven Shepards; Abraham , Isaac, Jacob, Moses, Aaron, Joseph and David. Also Sukka hopping is a fun things kids do, visiting people's sukkas to ooh and ahh over them. The host usually gives them some refreshments so the kids will make a blessing over the food and the sukka will absorb even more holiness! They love it! Q. Is it like Shabbos in that you cease all creative work (electricity etc)? A. Yes and No. In general, holidays are celebrated like Shabbos as a time of total peace besides for two things. On Holidays you can light a fire and you can also carry things outside that you wouldn't normally on Shabbos. Sukkos is 7 days in Israel and 8 in america (why, is a much longer answer) The first two days and the last two days are celebrated as I mentioned above. In between are 4 days and they are called Chol Hamoed - literally Weekday /Holiday. That time is special for families to be together, hang out in the sukka, take trips, go hiking, hang out in the sukka some more and at night go to whatever happy celebrations are going on if they want. People still go to work on Chol Hamoed, but there's no school. Q. Those mystical things I saw in the video with the lulav and esrog; Where do you buy one? A. In English and esrog is called a citron, and you probably never saw one. [Some people have a custom to make esrog jelly after Sukkos and it's said to be helpful for pregnant women] Esrogim grow all over the world, but obviously in Israel, they have a vested interest in planting them, so there are more there. They're imported and are sold by vendors in religious Jewish communities worlwide. I bet you could find one on-line though. They're expensive. They're not easy to grow and there are blemishes which would make it unfit for this holy service. So your esrog is a BIG deal. You don't need to own an esrog and lulav, you can use anyone's. The best thing is to make sure to do this service every day.                                                                       About the video - I like this guy. He's all about diversity and he sees the beauty in people's journey. I noticed that most of his films interview people who found their love for their Judaism independently, later on in life. That choosing is very precious and really indicates a thinking individual. Out of respect for their level of modesty, I noticed he didn't have any women in it - but women DO exist in Jerusalem! They have a colorful, strong presence. Religious dancing is a strange and wonderful thing. By separating the sexes you really get to just dance without innuendo and not for anyone else. It's joyful and powerful. And it really brings out the energy of the circle. (All of us connected, not just me, boogying by myself, next to you.) The giant masses of men were Chassidim. Part of their culture is to dress in the ways their ancestors dressed as an added protection to their Jewish identity. (Think of a proud Native American if that analogy helps) They're dancing with their leader, their Rebbe at the center.                                                                   Here's a funny thing, many Jews don't celebrate Sukkos. Maybe they grew up knowing about it , but only Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur were considered important. If you were one of those, this is your year! Go get your Sukkos!  You deserve it! Enjoy! And why's it like this anyway? You see, much of the falling away  of Jewish observance happened within the last hundred years when  we came to America. People chased the Golden Dream. They saw their parents as antiquated. They left behind Sweet Truths in favor of the Great Lie ( money will make you happy.) And in that construct, who has time for another Holiday?I've got to get back to work! It's one thing, Rosh Hashanah and we know in our very bones that Yom Kippur is important, but another one? That's too much! And like I wrote just the other day. I understand, I totally do. I might have been one of those who left it all behind if I hadn't known what I"d be missing. But now that I do, I realize that not having time to celebrate Sukkos, to celebrate life is like not having time to enjoy our child. We birthed a beautiful beginning with Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur and the whole Elul process, now is the time to enjoy the result. Is it taxing? A little. Taking off of work, making up hours. It's not easy. And the energy output is high. In just four days , building sukka and cooking like a madman! But I'll tell you what the stress feels like. It feels like the stress of preparing for a wedding, You wouldn't trade it for the world! You're bustling and busy and purposeful. As a matter of fact, it's a custom to begin building your Sukka right after you break your Yom Kippur fast. It's like super human! But it's done! We're so excited to build it, we just want to fill our pockets with the diamonds that are mitzvos. Wherever you are, we welcome you to our Sukka, here on Pinkney Rd. Chag Sameach. (Happy Holiday!)                     Read more...

How To Cook Shabbos In A Half an Hour ( Plus Parsha Video!)

Here are two videos for your TODAY!! One is me around ten minutes ago attempting to make Shabbos in a half an hour! Since it actually IS almost Shabbos I will keep this post short and let the video do the talking. Below I included all the recipes that I made in the video. Also - HUGE announcement. If you haven't already - Sign up to TorahAnytime.com  - the world's largest collection of Torah videos - These are not videos that you will just find on YourTube. This is a whole different ballpark. Starting this week, I will be teaching weekly Parsha (Torah Portion ) videos classes there. Here is this week's class! In a different post I'll tell you more about Torah Anytime and more about the classes. In the meantime, if you want to see this week's video, click on this link. These videos do not appear on YouTube  - this is the only place you will find them. Have a great Shabbos everyone!! https://youtu.be/u5QDj5TfDuU Sometimes you are just SHORT on time! Here's how to make a Shabbos meal in a half an hour! Recipes included. These amounts feed 7 adults ( or 2 adults and a whole bunch of kids) Besides for the stuffed mushrooms - those you would need to add a bit more to the recipe.) Recipes - Salmon - Spice with slat, pepper, garlic, lemon.. Fry for 5 minutes on high, then cover and let sit. ( Note; After this video I was not happy with how much it cooked and I baked in for 20 more minutes.) Chockchooka - 1 Large Onion, 24 Oz Tomato Sauce, 10 Eggs. Fry onion, add tomato sauce and eggs. Cook covered on medium until eggs are done ( about 10 minutes ) Chookchooka - ( I spoke about this on video but I didn't make it bc there was no pan available but it is amazing.) 1 WHOLE head of garlic ( 6-8 cloves) chopped , fried in 1/4 cup oil. Drain 2 cans of whole tomatoes and chop them. Add to garlci. Spice with 2 tsp cumin and hot ppper flakes to taste. Cook and stir on medium heat for 45 minutes until tomatoes begin to blacken. Chicken Soup - 5 - 6 chicken thighs 5-7 carrots 2 sweet potatoes, 5 garlic cloves, 1-2 zucchini, 1 large onion. Cook for 3 - 7 hours Stuffed Mushrooms - Remove stems from 2 -3 pk's mushrooms. Chop stems into small pieces. Arrange mushrooms in a pan. Add 1 onion and 1lb chopped meat to the stems. Spice with Oregano and a bit of salt. Stuff mushrooms with meat mixture and bake on 400 for 25 minutes or until meat is cooked and mushrooms are slightly juicy. Do not reheat. Applesauce - 10 Granny Smith Apples, 3/4 cu water, 1 tsp cinnamon. Cook on low medium flame until soft. Mix. Enjoy! Feel free to leave your questions or comments below!

PS While you cook , don't forget to enjoy the Parsha class!

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How To Cook Shabbos In A Half an Hour ( Plus Parsha Video!)

Here are two videos for your TODAY!! One is me around ten minutes ago attempting to make Shabbos in a half an hour! Since it actually IS almost Shabbos I will keep this post short and let the video do the talking. Below I included all the recipes that I made in the video. Also - HUGE announcement. If you haven't already - Sign up to TorahAnytime.com  - the world's largest collection of Torah videos - These are not videos that you will just find on YourTube. This is a whole different ballpark. Starting this week, I will be teaching weekly Parsha (Torah Portion ) videos classes there. Here is this week's class! In a different post I'll tell you more about Torah Anytime and more about the classes. In the meantime, if you want to see this week's video, click on this link. These videos do not appear on YouTube  - this is the only place you will find them. Have a great Shabbos everyone!! CLICK HERE to watch us cook for Shababos and join in!!!

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Video: Simchat Torah Fever

Tonight and tomorrow night is Simchas Torah! In synagogues all around town there will be intense singing and dancing. Fathers will carry their children on their shoulders and neighbors will be spinning young kids in circles making them laugh with glee. The laughter and joy are so amazing. It's a true outburst of joy!

 When I was young, I loved Simchas Torah - to be a small child looking up at all the men around me; to throw candies and sing; to have hours in shul with all the boundaries torn down and to feel the happiness of the grown ups around me.

Then I got older. The men's side wasn't for me anymore. I stood in the women's section watching the dancing, noting the joy, but feeling restless.

 I wanted to dance, I didn't just want to observe. Most of my friends were content to watch the boys. Particularly the ones that came back from Yeshiva. They had a fervor and youthful energy that none of the men could match. My friends would decide which guy was cute and would stare for hours while I tapped my toes and walked in and out of shul trying to create some kind of action.

Having kids, thank G-d, my participation has increased. I watch them getting a chance to hold the Torah and be swallowed up by the crowd, accepted as a valued member of the community at any age. The shul is still a wonderful , pulsing place of music. But I sometimes feel restless again.I find it hard to invite my friends to a Simchas Torah celebration with me. particularly my single, female friends. Will they feel a part of it?

As someone who  loves to dance, it's hard for me to just watch.

In my shul there is a story. It goes like this. One year the women, many of whom are artistic, expressive people, decided to go to another part of the building to dance. They did, and had a wonderful time. when they left, the men's dancing was going on, and it fell completely flat. The whole thing lost it's luster.

It turns out that the women aren't just passive bystanders but active receivers of the experience, much like a performer needs an audience.

This is the way of Torah life. We work together.

It's a much longer discussion and there's so little time left before the holiday. I'll tell you where I am with it now. I'm humbled.

 It's not about the men and it's not about the women and it's not about my children and it's not about the candy. It's the sum total of all that's there that creates the holiness. The love for the Torah, the way we're so intimate with it that  we hug it and parade it around. The sweat and love of the crowd that's dancing. The great gift that we have direction and meaning in life. The sacrifice of those that keep to their study schedules no matter what.  And even my own sacrifice as I surrender what I want, to a loving G-d who knows what's best for me and protects my holy essence with His commandments.

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A Tichel Miracle

  Covering your hair. Covering your hair? You look in the mirror and you see someone brand new. Its scary. Not that many things are scary. Or if they are, we adjust. But covering your hair is so  personal and so potent that it literally can feel like choosing to walk on a different planet.                                                                     What we women are constantly uncovering, is ourselves. I mean, our selves. Beauty. "What a pretty little girl" may be the first thing said to us in infancy and hopefully many times afterwords. And all through adolescence and teenage hood we either revel in it or we struggle mightily to achieve it. Either way, we spend years and years with our looks making up a huge amount of our identity. I call it The unspoken world of women. Advertisers speak of it. And maybe only the most superficial celebrities would feel comfortable talking about it; but for most of us, it just is. We look in the mirror, this way and that. We smile and check out our teeth. We wonder why that outfit looks good on her but it would look awful on me. It's an inner world that we work to make peace with. We literally work to uncover the layers of external identity and see past it to our selves,  our inner selves as the perfect piece of perfection G-d made us. Ask any woman, it's hard work. Dressing modestly is the ultimate uncovering. We peel away the messages of unhealthy body image; we scrape off the dirt that says "he looked at me - therefore I am." We set free the woman within that is all about innerness, grace and goodness. The covered head is a strong head, a woman with a head on her shoulders. She's not free with a wild mane. She's not loose with men. She's focused on one man. Her feminine energies are powerfully contained and channeled. It is scary to be that powerful. Remember, we all live in a western world. Our world doesn't encourage holy power. It encourages the vixen, the seductress: all things fleeting and unholy - and few things that lead to a true "happily ever after." To my non-Jewish friends, I applaud you, you amaze and delight me with your yearning for modesty. To my Jewish friends, both single and married, please remember to be Jewish is to be different. Say it in the mirror. Say it with just the right amount of pride (not arrogance) and purpose. To be Jewish is to be different. You will not look like everyone else when you get married and cover your hair. You will not. And hopefully, you won't need to. By the time you get married, together with the love of someone who sees you for who you are, you too will love yourself for who you are; A strong and beautiful real Jewish woman             Read more...